Anyone whose knows me…or has spent time with me…knows how much I hate being single…and struggle with it daily. Lately I’ve been thinking, “Susan…if you always do what you’ve always done…you always get what you’ve always got”. Actually not a bad philosophy…but maybe it’s not applicable to everything.
Case in point…my latest venture. After talking about it, thinking about it and praying about…I decided to join E-Harmony. It didn’t take long for me to say…“Gee wiz…what have I done?”.
Suddenly I was inundated with e-mails from E-Harmony announcing that a match had been found…lots of matches. So then…I’d click over their website…and read about someone that was supposedly a peachy keen match for me. Some seemed like pretty nice guys…and others…well…I’ll take a pass. But being that I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings…I wasn’t sure the nice way to “close a match”. Yet…there were a few gentlemen that didn’t have a problem closing me out right quick. And actually that’s a pretty smart way to manage that process…because it’s overwhelming. Every time you turn around…you get another e-mail notifying you that you’ve got another match.
Frankly…I was overwhelmed…and scared. Suddenly I had questions being posed from perfect strangers. Anything from meaningless trivial matters to downright intimate questions that I would only feel comfortable answering with a close friend.
So…it didn’t take long for me to say…thanks, but no thanks to E-Harmony.
Now maybe it’s the whole process and how E-Harmony works. Or maybe because my life is so busy and in a state of flux at the moment. Or maybe…it’s because my heart still lies with another.
Sometimes it’s hard to understand God’s will and leading. I’ve prayed for a long time now about wanting to be married. Thus far…God has said “No”…or “Not just yet”. I don’t know…I guess I’ll have to live this one out to see what God’s will is. I know what my desire is…and if God says no…it won’t be because I have not made my request known.
I guess I’m an old fashion girl…and want to meet my sweetheart I person. Maybe at work or church…or through family, or a friend of a friend. To get to know him over time…to go through some good times and bad times…and see his character proven in daily life. To be able to look him in the eye and talk things over. And maybe there’ll be that spark…and suddenly I’ll know…that God said yes. Now is the time.
Until then…I feel as though I was behaving like Sarah by trying help God out in fulfilling his promise. Or like Rebecca…working God’s plan out by my own means…instead of trusting God.
So…I guess I’ll step back…and look to God and wait…expectantly.