Last night while fishing around for a pad of paper to starting recording a daily list of things I’m grateful for I discovered a partially used notebook. In thumbing through the pages I found prayer requests that I had recorded a few years ago. Passionate heartfelt prayers uttered to God as I keenly felt the desperation and loneliness of being single all my life…at least thus far.
With the perspective of a few years, the wisdom of hindsight and seeing character that time has revealed to be less than stellar…I am most grateful that God did not answer that prayer. In many respects…from a human perspective this guy is a pretty good guy. But as a Christian “pretty good” in not my measuring stick anymore.
First and foremost God tells me that I am to marry a believer, a fellow Christian. That I am not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.
When I look closer, in all honesty I believe I deceived myself. While of the Christian persuasion there are little fruits to bear witness of a life committed to Jesus Christ, one who has died to self and is alive in Christ.
So tonight in my little notebook, I record prayer of thanksgiving to God for unanswered prayer. And yes…I did shred those earlier papers. In part because they were so personal and gave evidence of an immature faith, unwilling to wait upon the Lord and follow His direction and instruction for my life.
While mingling at the Audio Ministry table at Kindred Community Church this past weekend Merilynne asked me, in somewhat of a joking fashion, “Do you want us to pray about a husband for you Susan?” I heartedly and enthusiastically said “Yes! By all means, please do.” Merilynne then reminded me that any prospective suitor would be subject to examination and approval, to which I’m entirely comfortable with. Sometimes my discernment has been pretty stinky…or just plain goes out the door when it comes to men and love and my life long desire to be married.
I keep reminding God that He tells us that it is not good for man to be alone…and that there will be no marriage in heaven. So this is my one and only shot down here on earth.
Recently on Dennis Prager’s show a guy called in to talk about the risk in getting married when it might end in divorce verses staying single. Dennis responded why would anyone be content to live a life where you never fully bond with another person in the deepest, fullest possible way?
Why indeed? I’m not…but I am willing to wait upon God, His plan and leading.