There are times I feel like I have a love/hate affair with Christian radio talk show host Frank Pastore.  Some days he has a wonderful show, very Christ centered, shares the Gospel message and builds up the body of Christ.

Other times, his topics, guest and callers seem to be more befitting an outrageous secular TV show in which you hear the sorted and sinful details of people’s lives.  Those are the days I turn off Frank’s show. 

Today was one of those days.  During the first hour the topic was “what did your parents expose you to that you wished you’d never heard, saw or did.”  You can well imagine in the world we live in today what some of the callers were saying. 

I don’t need to listen to garbage like that and quickly turned off Frank’s radio show.  I wondered just how a topic like that fulfills Paul’s admonition in Philippians 4:8? 

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” – Philippians 4:8

This week I’ve been getting back into my normal weekly routine following the Christmas and New Year holidays.  As soon as I return from my morning walk, I turn on the radio to listen to Chuck Swindoll’s Insight for Living as I get ready for work.  His current message is about Abraham and his obedience to God’s command to sacrifice his son Isaac?  Chuck went on to ask, “What is your Isaac that God may require of you?”

I started thinking…what is my Isaac?  What would God require of me to lay down, be willing to sacrifice, in obedience to His command?  Like Abraham, would I be quick to obey?

Is my Isaac my husband Chris?
Our home?
Is it my job?
My health?
Is it a hope or a dream?
Our finances?
Is it the approval and acceptance of man?

Each year it seems like God has taught me to loosen my grip on things and even people.  To hold loosely and be ready to say, “Thy will be done.”  Last year and in recent months, it feels as though God has been deconstructing me by removing people and things that I love from my life.  Testing me to see if I love Him more than the gifts He has given me.  Obviously the test is for me because God already knows how I will respond.

Even if I do okay on one test…I can’t afford to be complacent.  I must realize that there will other tests and trials.  By the grace of God…some I will pass.  However, there will be some tests that will reveal things within my character, attitude or the thoughts and intentions of my heart that are sinful and ugly and need to be dealt with.  Tests may reveal that I’ve let something creep in and take the place of God being first in my life.  How will I respond to those test results? 

One thing that comes to mind is that I don’t need to fear those tests that God may allow in my life.  I can trust Him because He is good all the time.  Unlike me, God is not sinful and His motivation and purpose is always good and come from a pure, undefiled heart.

So he answered and said, “ ‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’and ‘your neighbor as yourself.’” – Luke 10:27

Why is it that it’s so easy to get my focus off of God?

When my focus is on me…I’m prideful.

When my focus is on others…I’m insecure.

When my focus is on things…I’m superficial.

When my focus is on self righteousness…I’m legalistic.

When my focus is on man’s praises…I’m fickle.

When my focus is on what I can see….I’m faithless.

When my focus is on Christ…everyone and everything else falls into its proper perspective.

While I’d love to sit down and write until midnight, the clock is reminding me I’ll be getting up far too soon and don’t have that luxury tonight. 

As we come to the end of another year…my thoughts are turning to what do I want to do different in the New Year?  How do I want to be different a year from now than I am today?

I know that I want to have a closer walk with the Lord and know Him more intimately.  I know that will necessitate regular Bible study and reading of God’s word and time in prayer.  I will need to have an open and teachable heart and be willing to bend and yield my will to God’s will. 

There were a couple of things that happened today that reinforced that desire for a closer walk with the Lord.

Something I pray for my husband and friends is that they will take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and choose to meditate on that which is true, noble, just and pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy. 

The Lord has used frequently used those scriptures to help me reign in my thoughts and words, when in my own will I would be going down a wrong path.  Today was one of those days.  Right off the bat, I could have been offended.  I wanted to go one way and complain to the Lord about what someone did wrong.  Instead God challenged me to do as I pray. 

Once I focused my thoughts…and prayed scripture…I was able to focus and move on.  The offense didn’t even matter at that point. 

Later in the day I had an encounter with someone who is an unbeliever.  As they shared about what’s going on in their life, I found myself so grateful that as a Christian I can know right from wrong very clearly in God’s word.  By knowing it and obeying it…God protects me from so much. 

At the Bible study I attend, this Christmas they handed out little boxes that were beautifully wrapped.  The teaching director asked us to pray and see what God would have us give Him for Christmas.  As the days past by and we got closer to Christmas I was thinking more and more…what should I give God for Christmas. 

It was almost as God was saying the words out loud, “Love Me more.” 

Yes Lord…I want to love You more and know You more.  I want a closer walk with Thee Lord Jesus.  Just a closer walk with Thee. 

As I awakened this cool and foggy Christmas morn, my thoughts turn to You Lord Jesus.  May I humbly come before You and give You the gift of thanksgiving.

• Thank You Jesus for submitting Yourself unto the Father’s plan.
• Thank You for choosing to lay aside Your Glory and take on human flesh.
• Thank You for taking my sin upon You on the cross and enduring the Father’s wrath which I deserved. 
• Thank You for living a sinless life and proving that You alone are worthy and able to be our sacrificial Lamb.
• Thank You for setting Your face like flint towards the cross.
• Thank You for not taking the enemy’s bait and choosing the easy way out.
• Thank You that on the cross You cried out the words, “It is finished.”  My sin debt was marked “Paid in Full.”
• Thank You for sending Your Holy Spirit to dwell within me, refine and grow me.
• Thank You for being faithful when I am faithless and weak.
• Thank You, that even though I will fail You, You will never fail me.
• Thank You for giving me the freedom to choose You.
• Thank You for doing the impossible, removing the blinders from my eyes, enlightening my mind which was once darkened, so that I could see and believe the truth that Jesus Christ is Lord.
• Thank You for Your patience and waiting for me, at the age of 32, when I bent my knee, confessed with my mouth and believed with my heart that You are Lord.
• Thank You for taking my sin away, sending it as far as the east is from the west and remembering it no more.
• Thank You for giving me the inerrant Word of God so that I might know You and the Father whom You came to reveal.
• Thank You for unbending, unchanging truth contained in the Bible.
• Thank You for sitting at the right hand of the Father where You make intersession for me.
• Thank You for prayer and hearing my prayers.
• Thank You for Your Holy Spirit Who takes my prayers that I can’t even put into words and translates them.
• Thank You for sharing Your heart’s desire that no one would perish, but all would come to eternal life.
• Thank You for Your delay in returning because that’s another day in which people can repent and receive You as Lord.
• Thank You for the opportunity to pray for unsaved family, friends, neighbors, co-workers and even enemies.
• Thank You that You are able to work all things together for good.
• Thank You that You are able to weave a beautiful tapestry from my messed up life.
• Thank You for the comfort and assurance that You will soon take Your bride, the church, home to heaven.
• Thank You for the promise that You will one day return and rule and reign forever and ever.
• Thank You that You will cast the enemy into the Lake of Fire and that he will be punished forever and ever without end. 
• Thank You that in pain, sickness, sorrow, and even death, Your saints can have peace, joy and the comfort of Your presence.

Lord Jesus…may I live a life that reflects my thanks to You.  May I be so bold Lord, in the midst of giving thanks, to ask for the salvation for the many people whom You have placed on my heart?  That today would be their day of salvation.  That the angels in heaven would rejoice as many people repent from their sins and turn to You and acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior.

Each day she put on the mask of a smile
To hide the pain she bears

But if you look deeper
Her dark eyes reflect a bruised soul

Her pain is well disguised
Hope has all but disappeared

As she picks up the razor blade she reasons
Perhaps an outward cut will relieve the inner pain

Somehow a visible scar generates more compassion
Than the emotional wounds within

With each cut her inward pain is given a voice
If only someone will listen to her cry

Susan Bunts Wachtel
November 17, 2010

Dedicated to those who are hurting, whose cries for help have gone unheeded. 

He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3

One of the things I enjoy seeing is personalized license plates.  I’ve even been known to snap a photo if my camera is handy.  I especially like the plates that reflect a person’s faith.
 
Last night when I was driving home in front of me was a driver whose license plate said VIP2GOD.  When I read that…it got me to thinking.  Who doesn’t want to feel that God loves them and they are important to Him?  We all do…and praise God that in His word He tells us that He so loved the world that He sent His Only Begotten Son to pay our sin debt so that we might be forgiven.
 
I was also challenged by the Holy Spirit to ask…more importantly is God a VIP to me.  Is He very important to me?  Do I love the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul and strength?  How is that attitude reflected in my life?  Am I quick to listen and quick to obey?  Do I put God first?  Is my heart moldable, teachable and yielded unto the Lord?
 
Do I have a proper perspective of God?  When I do, then I will fall into the right place. 
 
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It wasn’t exhaustion and fatigue at the end of each day, nor reluctantly dragging myself out of bed each morning that helped me to realize that I need to slow down.  It was a conversation with a friend. 
 
She asked how I was doing and I explained that life was busy, that I was involved with this Bible study and that one…and it was like juggling balls to figure out which homework that I should work on today.  I concluded the conversation with, “It’s pick your poison.”
 
Pick your poison!!! Good golly how in the world did I get to the point where Bible study became like picking my poison?  Actually I didn’t even see it, until my husband Chris pointed it out to me after he heard our conversation. 
 
That’s when I realized that while both Bible studies that I was involved with were good and worthy…that I was involved in too much.  I wasn’t giving either one the attention that it deserved.  I wasn’t spending the time I needed to diligently study God’s word….and let it get in me and penetrate my heart and soul and change me.
 
Instead, both Bible studies became more like a completing a checklist …I read the books and scripture, answered the questions and memorized the verses and got to check off my little box.  Frequently I found myself irritated…annoyed by the author not getting to the point quickly enough so I could get on to the next assignment and exasperated by my husband wanting me to fix dinner and eat at the table together.  Somehow I don’t think that’s what God has in mind when I study His word. 
 
I got to check off a box, but I didn’t get to meet with the King of kings and Lord of lords.  I didn’t come before the throne of grace and spend time and delight in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
 
In examining my actions, heart and attitude, I realized that I needed to slow down.  Slow down and do one thing well rather than two, three or more things poorly.  So I made the decision to drop out of one study.  It was a great study…I enjoyed the Bible study, the people and the leaders.  I would greatly miss them.  But I needed to fulfill my commitment to my first Bible study group.
 
Isn’t it just like the enemy to take something that is good and right and distort it…make it about self effort and accomplishments, instead of loving the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul and strength.  My sin nature is reflected in the desire to look good before man rather than hunger and thirst to God more through the study of His word. 
 
In Hebrews 4:12 we learn that the “word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and is piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”
 
In my busyness, I dull the sharp blade of the word of God.  It barely touches much less penetrates my heart and mind, and does not divide my soul and spirit.  I wonder is it intentional so that I don’t have to examine myself in the light of God’s word…so that I don’t have to yield to the Master?
 
Tomorrow at church, we are having a women’s function so we can see what studies will be available for the fall.  I need to listen to the Lord…and choose what He would have me do.  Will it be a Precepts study through our church or at another church, will it be Bible Study Fellowship’s new study in Isaiah, will it be with Community Bible Study or a small group women’s study through church?
 
While I’ve loved working in one of the small group studies for the past year and a half…I greatly miss a more in depth and challenging study.  In reading and studying God’s word directly I hear from God clearly.  While I love Bible studies from the gifted women teachers…it seems I’m hearing God’s word through the filter of another person.  Don’t get me wrong…I have many CD’s and studies from many teachers…but there is nothing like studying God word in depth and hearing God for myself.   
 
I wish I could say that I’m disciplined enough to study in depth on my own…but truth be told I’m not.  That’s why I need to choose a good study that will encourage me and help me to diligently study God’s word. 
 

• Do I prize doing things for God over spending time in His word and in prayer?

•  Do I seek what God can give me more than I desire Him? 

• Do I want God to perform on queue?    

•  Do I try to steal God’s glory? 

• Do I prefer the praises of men over the approval of God?

•  Why is it easier to say wait or no to God than it is to tell people that I have a priority commitment that’s non-negotiable?   

• Do I keep my heart and mind stayed on Thee Lord?

•  God, do I hide Your word in my heart so that I might not sin against You? 

• Is the fruit of my labors putrefied by impure motives?

•  Is the work of my hands like wood, hay and stubble only to be burned in the fire? 

• Do I try to do more through self effort and a strong will rather than depending upon the Holy Spirit to strengthen, guide and direct me?

•  Am I quick to obey the Holy Spirit’s leading?  Even when it doesn’t make sense from a human standpoint?   

• Do I realize…do I have an inkling how huge and uncontainable God is?  How powerful He is?

•  Do I have an ear to hear when God is rebuking me and how do I respond? 

• Do I treat God casually?

•  Do I come into His presence without given much thought to who He is?

• Am I mindful that He is the Potter and I am the clay?  

•  Do I think more highly of myself than I ought to? 

• Do I realize that I’m never more like Satan then when I exult myself?

When I suffer trouble or hardship
May I recognize I have been chosen by God
Not picked on
 
May I be willing to suffer affliction
As a tool and an instrument
In the hands of the Master
 
Confident that God will use all difficulties
To help build a solid faith on the firm foundation of Christ
Not a faith founded on the shifting sands of circumstances
 
Knowing that He has entrusted me with troubles
So that my heart might be made tender
To the hurting souls around me
 
So those who lack outward beauty
Won’t be invisible to me,
May I be focused more on them, less on me
 
May the reproach of this world
Hold little sway or weight
Compared to the approval of God
 
May I take that which troubles me
Thoughts and attitudes that tempt me to sin
Lay them down at the cross
 
May I let go of my false beliefs and misperceptions
Tainted by this world of sin
Instead saturate my heart and mind with God’s word
 
My I recognize my unbelief is not harmless
But a sin against God
Calling into question His motives and character
 

By Susan Bunts Wachtel
January 14, 2010

Sometimes I find myself tempted to ask “Why me God?” when I encounter seasons of prolonged difficulties.  But I must say that God is so good and faithful to use difficult circumstances, trials, temptation and pain to prepare me to reach out to others.  He is so faithful to redeem my dark days by allowing me to come alongside people and encourage them or testify to the faithfulness of the Lord. 

Slideshow: Fetal Development Month-by-Month