Vexed

Vexed…I was really quite vexed. But make no mistake…I knew quite well that God was trying to get my attention. This time in a painful way.

I had chatted with my friend Maria earlier in the day and promised to put her Women of Faith conference ticket in the mail to her. With the conference a week from Friday…I knew I need to get myself in gear and just do it.

Well that was easier said than done. I e-mailed myself a reminder to mail Maria’s ticket. Bible study beckoned as soon as I got home from work…and I dashed off to Kindred. I knew I needed to take care of the ticket as soon as I got home.

I went to the presumed location where I had allegedly secured the tickets…but low and behold…they weren’t there. Next I went through the pile of mail that had accumulated…but didn’t see it there. Gee wiz…perhaps I put it my long term financial mail? Shucks…not there! “Okay…where the world did I put it?” Well…several hours later I was still high and dry…no ticket was found and it was now after midnight.

I was just sick. I was so excited to know that Maria was going to be going to Women of Faith for the first time. I know it will minister to and touch her greatly. And here I was…sans ticket. Not good, not good at all. Part of me surrendered and said if it’s your will God…so be it. But help me make the phone call to Maria. The other part of me prayed desperately to God…for His help and wisdom in finding the ticket or getting it replaced. But how…good gracious…how would He do that?

God in His grace allowed me to sleep…and despite being sleep deprived due to my own stupidity…I was able to rise and even got in my morning walk.

Thankfully in the morning I at least had the presence of mind to call Women of Faith and see if they could send me out replacement tickets. Surely I wasn’t the first person to loose their ticket. Good golly with technology being so advance I was prayerful and hopeful that they would be able to assist me in my predicament.

Indeed…in answer to prayer…yes they would be able to send out replacement tickets. As I breathed a sign of relief…I whispered “Thank you Jesus…You even care about the little things. The things that are of little consequence in the world…but they mean something to me.”

With the conference being a week away…I am watching the mail expectantly for my replacement tickets. I also pray that God might permit me to find the existing tickets so I can ensure that Maria will get hers in plenty of time.

How good it is to know that God cares about that which concerns us. More than caring about the missing tickets…God cares that my life is relatively “out of control”. There are a multitude of factors coming into play. Everything from the side effects of Graves Disease to just plain getting older…as I edge closer to 50 as opposed to just being over 40. Lack of sleep might also explain why I have a hard time focusing. Beth Moore described it as having “Domestic ADD”. To that I say “Amen…preach it sister!” I may start out cleaning my bedroom…and soon I’m sitting at my computer writing or surfing the net…or sweeping the patio. All the while…my room has yet to be cleaned. Add to that a very busy schedule…with precious little downtime.

I feel like I’m very busy…but not doing anything well. I’m tired of it…and tired of being tired. I’m tired of not being able to think clearly or get through the day without a visit to The Coffee Bean or Starbucks. There are days…I can honestly state that I am a double fisted drinker…albeit caffeine and not alcohol. It’s not good, it’s not healthy…and I’m tired of being stressed.

Recently my computer gave a rather disconcerting warning…“critical overload” as my 250 gig hard drive was close to running out of space. That message “critical overload” is reflective of a number of areas in my life.

In a week and a half Bible Study Fellowship will be starting up. This year we will be studying book of Matthew. I praise God for bring me to Bible Study Fellowship. It came into my life during a very rough transition…after I had made some very poor choices. That was about nine years ago. God word had a way getting a hold of me…and transforming me. First convicting me of sin, then teaching me about who God is and showing me how to walk humbly and rightly with my Lord. It’s an ongoing process and trust me when I say…I need the washing of God’s word daily. That’s why…even though I have a very, very busy schedule…I will be attending Bible Study Fellowship.

It seems like there are not enough hours in the day…when it fact it’s a question of prioritizing and choosing rightly…choosing the best. There will always be an abundance of demands upon my time and attention. Only this year…I’ve learned I want to be Mary…not a Martha.

I want to choose Jesus first…put Him in first place. Not just have Him as something I pencil in or make time for.

But I’ve learned…I can’t just take in and not give back. If I do that I’ll be like the Dead Sea…not fit for what God designed me for.

When I get too busy…I start to get a bad attitude…and feel resentful. Goodness knows the demands won’t stop just because I want to change my focus. So I will need to purposely and willfully choose to make better choices.

This weekend will be part of my making better choices…by spending some time cleaning, throwing away and reorganizing. My house is a disaster…and I need to get a handle on it. If I think I’m busy now…I’ll realize I was loafing once BSF starts. So now today, this weekend is the opportune time to grab the proverbial bull by the horns.

This weekend is as hot as it’s been all year here in southern California. But hopefully with some rest, clear thinking, focus and energy…I will make some serious headway in taking things from “out of control” to well managed. If I could ask you to pray to that end…I would greatly appreciate it!

Going forward…I will need to make better choices and start putting first things first.

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