The Desires of My Heart

Even as I reflect on the as yet unfulfilled desires of my heart to be married…I am reminded that God has placed that desire deep within my heart. He did not place that desire within me to be cruel and never see it come to fruition…but instead to fulfill it with a godly man who will be a suitable mate to a godly Christian woman.

In the past I allowed my desire for marriage to override anything remotely resembling commonsense much less obedience to God and His expressed will for a Christian woman to marry a godly Christian man.

Even though I regret the years I wasted seeking to fulfill those desires my own way…instead of God’s way…I do have a better idea of what characteristics and personality I would like in a husband.

In a discussion with my friend Ruth about my desire to marry she inquired if I would make sure when that time comes that I would allow her and my other Christian friends to meet and give their approval and blessing. I eagerly agreed that indeed I would be most grateful for that godly council from wise Christian friends. Because my own judgment in the past has a very poor track record I absolutely need and desire that double check…insuring that any man I marry is of God’s choosing.

When I look back…on those men that once caught my eye and made my heart go pitter patter…I know without a doubt that most wouldn’t even pass muster. They would be disqualified from the get go. Rather than a strong godly Christian man who would be the spiritual head of my home…I’ve sought men who at best darken the door of church on Christmas and Easter…and some not at all.

A man who seeks God through daily reading and study of His word, one who prays daily…without ceasing, one who seeks friendship with fellow Christian men so they can spur each other on to the high calling of Christ Jesus, one who is mature in the love of his wife and family…that is what I desire. One who aims for 1 Corinthian 13 kind of love. While not perfect…daily striving to be a man after God’s own heart.

As I’ve grown in my Christian walk…and have seen examples of what a good Christian marriage is…that is what I desire…and that is what God calls me to and desires for me. There is no room in the life a Christian woman for man who does not know Christ. A wise Christian woman does not seek marriage with a man that has a weak and ineffective Christian walk.

Seeing that godly example where the husband is truly the head of home…where he loves his wife as Christ loves the church…is now my standard. Not some settled for standard based out of desperation. Seeing the right example of what God meant for marriage has spoiled me for a lesser, cheaper imitation.

Now it may seem as if I can kiss any chance of getting married goodbye with those high standards…but to those who say that…I say…you don’t know my God. Ultimately…it will happen if it’s His will. If not…at least my desires are conformed to what He desires for me. There’s no better place to be than that now is there?

My God is a God of miracles. He created the world by merely speaking a word. He parted the Red Sea…protecting His people and killing those who sought to destroy them. My God held the sun still in the sky so His people might win the battle. My God pursues a relationship with those who love Him with all their heart, mind soul and strength. My God devised a plan to save all those that would believe in His Son who paid the price for their sin. My God is a God of mercy and grace poured out in abundance. My God takes a band of defeated discouraged disciples into men who would not back down and willingly go to their death in order to preach the Gospel to a lost an dying world. My God enables His people to walk on water…and soar on wings like eagles. Nothing, no nothing is impossible with my God. Amen…so be it…preach it sister!

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