“Loser”…that was what I speculated that Jesus might greet me with when I enter heaven.

Instead of the much desired words, “Well done good and faithful servant” Jesus might be taking me aside and whispering some different words. Words like “Stupid…just what about faith didn’t you get? Why did you fail to trust me? Why was your faith so small? Do you have any idea what I wanted to do in and through you if only you had trusted me? Instead you chose to believe the lies of the enemy. Why?”

Not sure I’ll have a lot of answers to those questions…except to confirm that yes…I am spiritually stupid…and if left to my own devises…I am a loser.

After Bible study this evening the conversation ventured onto the subject of faith. I commented that today was such a low faith day. I got to wondering what it’s like for great men and women of faith.

My own beloved former Pastor Chuck Obremski…was a man of deep faith. When trials and tribulation struck…he dug deeper still into God’s word. God strengthened his faith and enabled him to stand against the attacks of the enemy. Not with wavering faith…or doubting faith. But faith that was firm because of the solid foundation upon which it rested.

Another person who strikes me as having a great big faith in a huge God who can not be contained…is Beth Moore. The woman takes my breath away…as I see her unpack and explore God’s word. I see God afresh and new and a very personal God who cares.

When I see such examples of faith walked out before me…I hunger and thirst for such faith, love and passion for God and His word.

Last week when I struggled with faith…God encourage me with the words, “Only believe!” To feed and encourage my faith I decided to feast on faith in the form of Beth Moore’s Bible study “Believing God”. It was just the right study at the right time. Each CD I listen to…I find God dealing with another area of weakness or doubt that I’ve allowed to creep in.

I desire so to have my faith grow and be firmly rooted in God and His word. But I tremble with fear that my desire might get off track. That I may be tempted to make it about my faith instead of about my God. My faith is only as good, big and strong as my God. He alone is the prize.

When my focus is on God…my faith is big. When my focus is on the truth of His word…then my faith is strong and rests on a firm foundation. When my faith is on my circumstances…my faith is negligible, weak and will topple. It’s not a question of if…but when. I know that…I’ve lived that, I know it well. Yet time and time and time again…I fall into the same trap. Why? Thus you can see why I fear Jesus will accurately call me “Stupid”.

If my salvation was dependant on me…instead of “Well done good and faithful servant”…I’d be hearing, “You just made it by the skin of your teeth”. Or worse yet “Away from me…I never knew you”. Thankfully my salvation is secure in Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on the cross paying the penalty for my sin debt in full.

But my faith…that’s another matter. That is something that God gives me…but I also need to participate and grow my faith. Grow it through prayer and knowing God and who He is and what He says in the Bible.

Where’s my focus? Is it on God…or me? Do I only look at the past and see what has been? Or do I look at my God…and in faith believe and trust Him knowing that He is able to accomplish what concerns me today…and tomorrow? That which is impossible with man is possible with God? Do I have the assurance that nothing is impossible with God? Am I mindful that without faith it is impossible to please God?

On a side note…why would I willingly and knowingly let the enemy who desires to bring me harm win? Why? Just tell me why?