A Little of This, A Little of That

I’ve been checking our bank account almost daily to see if the check had cleared yet.  It’s been over four weeks now, but I figured that it would show up any day now.

On Monday, I saw the check had finally posted.  I knew that my original birth certificate was on its way.  I would soon see what I’ve wondered about for years.

I was adopted at three months old.  For as long as I could remember I’ve known that I was adopted.  As were my two brothers.  I know who my parents were…they were the mother and father who raised me.  They were there in good times and bad.  They encouraged me and discipline me.  They loved me even when I was unlovable.

After finishing my Bible study in Genesis this year, I came away with the knowledge and assurance that God gave me just the right family.  It won’t be until I get to heaven that I may know why God chose my mother and father and brothers.  But He did and God had a purpose and plan He was working out in all our lives.

Over the years, off and on, I’ve been curious about who my birth parents were.  What was their story?  And my beginning?  What’s happened in their lives?

I also found myself reticent about finding them.  I mean, what if they never wanted to see me?  In some respect adoption is the greatest gift.  It’s the gift of life and chance to have what they may not have been able to provide at that time in their lives.  Not sure if other adoptees feel this way, but I’ve got to confess, sometimes it feels like the ultimate rejection.

But recently, I’ve felt a comfort and freedom in knowing that God has overseen all the details of my life and put me with the family He chose for me.  I think this is a good place to be in if I’m going to try and find my birth parents.

Some of you may have seen the TV show Long Lost Family.  It’s been on a couple of years now.  There’s just something about seeing these people find their birth families and make a connection with them.  Perhaps that’s stirred a longing in me.  I submitted my story and received a confirmation they got my application.  They get a lot of people applying for their help, so the chances of them choosing me may be small.  But, I thought I would give it a try.

I also realized that I could do some searching on my own.  In the past, I’ve put my information in on adoption websites to no avail.  In my new search, I found out Colorado had recently changed their laws and adoptees and birth parents can get information, including their original birth certificate.  I sent away for it four weeks ago and now it’s on its way.

That will be a beginning.  It will give me the names of my birth mother and possible biological father.  From there, I can do some searches on Ancestry’s website among others to see if I can find them.

It’s in the Lord’s hands and I need to trust Him with the outcome.  Whether I find them or not.  Or if I do locate them, if they don’t want to meet me or be in contact, I need to be okay with that too.

Along with sending away for my original birth certificate, I’ve been working on our family tree on Ancestry.  It’s pretty cool to flesh things out.  I’m finding some surprises along the way.

In putting information in on my grandparents, I’ve found that my grandmother had two siblings that I didn’t know about.  One was a baby sister, Marie, born about seven years before she was.  It appears that child died young, but I need to do more searching.  Also, she had a brother I had never heard about.  He died in the 1940’s.

I found a record that looks like one of my Uncles was married twice and was divorced once.  Also, I found that my dad had a second sister that I had never heard of before.  Her name was Mary.  She first appeared on census paperwork.

I’m sure there will be more surprises to come as I research and add more records.  It’s both exciting and kind of disorienting.  I wish I had done this when my mother still alive and I could ask questions and find out about our family.

I’m grateful for the support and encouragement of my husband, Chris.  I know that at the end of the day genetics and blood relations aren’t the be all and end all.  But something I’ve never really had is looking like my family members.  Or having similar abilities, talents and interests.  So, we shall see what tomorrow will bring and if I’m able to find my birth parents.

At 58 years old, I’m well aware the clock is ticking.  My chances of finding them dwindles with each passing day.  It’s in the Lord’s hands and I will trust Him.

 

Chosen for Greatness by Paul J Batura – Fascinating, Interesting & Heartening

chosen-for-greatness-e1478027074474

As an adoptee, I’m always curious to read stories about people who are adopted or parents who adopt children. That’s why I was excited at the opportunity to read author Paul J. Batura’s book Chosen for Greatness – How Adoption Changes the World.

I found Chosen for Greatness fascinating, interesting and heartening. In this book, Paul tell about the lives of sixteen famous people who were adopted, including Steve Jobs, Babe Ruth, George Washington Carver, Scott Hamilton, Leo Tolstoy and more. They come from various walks of life and over hundreds of years. The chapters are short, but the reader learns about the adoptee, their pre-adoption circumstances, birth parents and adoptive parents. Most fascinating is to see God’s providential hand in the life of each of these people. In their lives, you can see how perfectly God brought these orphans to just the right parents.

It was sobering to read about the difficult circumstance these children were born into. It made me pause and give thanks for the times we live in. I also saw a resilience in the human spirit. Children and parents who could have easily given up, though perhaps wayward for a season, found a way to persevere and achieve greatness in this life. I found it encouraging to read about parents who adopted children, made a lifelong commitment and sowed into these young lives the seeds that God would use to make the children into the men and women He called and gifted them to be.

Since I’m adopted, I found it particularly interesting to read about what these adoptees felt about their adoption and birth parents. Though sometimes drawn to meet and know their birth parents, they knew their parents were the ones who adopted, cared for and raised them. Parenthood is less about blood and more love and commitment.

This book is written from a Christian perspective. Many of the people whose story is told were Christians or exposed to the Christian faith. I appreciated the reminder from Scripture and the life of the Lord Jesus Christ that adoption is part of God’s story. For His only begotten Son and for those whom He has chosen and adopted as His own.

I highly recommend Paul J. Batura’s book Chosen for Greatness – How Adoption Changes the World. This would be an ideal book for someone who is adopted, or those who have adopted children or know someone who is adopted. Or if you just want to read an interesting book and learn what shapes people’s lives, pick up Chosen for Greatness.

I would like to thank Regnery Publishing for the opportunity to read Chosen for Greatness by Paul J. Batura. I was under no obligation to give a favorable review.

#ChosenForGreatness

An Inconvenient Life

The abortion industry thrives on despair
Prospers on lies and deception
But the truth is
It’s a baby, not just a fetus
A child, not tissue

A mother’s womb
So perfectly designed by God
To nourish and protect
Nascent human life
Has become a chamber of death

They say it’s just tissue and won’t feel a thing
But he is already fully formed, all organs in place
With arms and legs, hands and feet
And a beating human heart
Knit so perfectly together by God in the hidden place

This wee little one…does he feel anxiety
As adrenalin courses through his mother’s body
He’s resting, protected within his mother’s womb
Until a probe enters in
And pokes him in the side

He has no knowledge of what it is
He only knows it hurts
His arms and legs flail
He tries in vain to move away
But there will be no escape

In a matter of seconds
A beating heart is stilled
His body is mangled and torn apart
As it silently slips away through the hose
His life and death invisible to all but God

The mother who was to give birth
Sentenced her child to death
The one who pledged to protect human life
Now extinguishes life for profit
Parents who desire to have a babe in their arms must wait a little longer

An inconvenience, a consequence
Soon to be swept away by a “simple procedure”
But this child will never be forgotten
Reminders surround his mother…even haunt her
It’s everywhere…the smile of a child or a date on the calendar

But there is healing and forgiveness to be found
Confession
Repentance
Salvation through Christ Jesus the Redeemer
Adoption by the Lover of her soul

By Susan Bunts Wachtel
January 21, 2009

This poem was inspired by Abby Johnson, former Planned Parenthood director, turned Pro Life when confronted with the undeniable truth…it’s a baby growing within a womb.  To hear her story log on to Focus on the Family and listen to the shows from January 21 and 22, 2010. 

The Mother I Never Knew

My first nine months were spent in your womb,
But I never knew you.

The certificate says “Baby Girl Dawson”,
That’s all I know for sure.

All those years ago,
Abortion wasn’t even legal.

But I wonder did you love me,
Dare I even ask…why you didn’t want me?

What is the story,
On how I came to be?

Was I the product young love,
Or an illicit affair…or something more tragic?

Did you see me on that day,
Did you hold me in your arms?

Did you whisper sweet words of love,
And pray God’s blessing upon my life?

Or was I taken away,
Never to be seen again?

Was my birth a deep family secret,
Something not uttered in good company?

Do you ever shed a tear or feel guilty,
Or were you confident that you did the right thing?

Did you ever marry,
Have children that you called your own?

Do I have brothers and sisters,
Am I anyone’s spitting image?

During your day,
Do your thoughts every turn to me?

Do you ever wonder,
Who and what I came to be?

Do we share the same faith,
And one day I’ll meet you in heaven?

To the mother I never knew,
I do wonder about you.

It would be with fear and trembling,
That I would dare to try and find you.

For I fear,
Of the answers I might hear.

Susan Bunts
January 5, 2008

With a friend’s decision to adopt a child…my thoughts have turned to my own adoption…so many years ago. I was given up for adoption at birth…and adopted at the age of 3 months. The only thing I know about my birth mother is that her last name was Dawson.

It’s odd how a person who I never met…who I know nothing about can continue to be a part of my thoughts. Obviously I wonder what happened…why she gave me up for adoption. What her thoughts were over the years about her decision. Whatever happened with her life…did she go on to have a happy and successful life? Or was my birth…just another difficult circumstance in her life? Did she ever have children…do I have brothers and sisters? Do I look like anyone…is my personality or interests like anyone the family I never knew?

Abortion back then wasn’t an option…unless a woman chose to do a backstreet illegal abortion. I wonder…if it had been legal…would she still have made the same decision to give her baby up for adoption?

There are times I wonder…have I ever seen or met her? Would I like her…is she a good decent person? Or is she a wretch of a human being and the decision to have her baby adopted was one of the few good things she did? Is she still alive…how is her health? What diseases run in the family that I should know about? As much as ever contemplated the idea of trying to find her…I never followed through for fear of what I might find.

Many adoptions today are more open and children are able to know more about their birth parents. I think that’s a good thing…maybe?

The one scar that has remained in my life if the feeling of rejection. I knew that I was adopted for as long as I can remember…I don’t remember a time when I didn’t know that. It’s funny because even if a child is rejected by their birth mother…they are wanted by the family that adopts them. I wonder why the rejection is the dominate feeling?

The above picture is my first picture taken by a foster mother before I was adopted.