This evening post could actually qualify for a new website I’m working on called Susan’s God Stops…in which I jot down when I recognize God’s presence in my life…and the message He may be conveying to me at that time.

Today was rich and filled with God Stops for me. Ones that ultimately challenged me, convicted me…and ultimately lead me to repentance. I have ever so hugely failed God in letting doubt and unbelief take hold of my emotions and thoughts with respect to all the changes in my life in the past year.

In so many respects…2006 was a year of great loss and disappointment…impacting my job, my mom, friends, family, physical pain and even my dear pets. It seems like so much of my life was touched.

In the crunch time…when push came to shove…all too often instead of trusting God when answers were not readily apparent…I fell into doubt and unbelief. I doubted that God really cared for me. I believed the lies of Satan.

When I reflect on different aspects of last year…I wonder how different things would have been if I had stood firm in my faith.

When I didn’t understand why I lost the job I loved and the actions of others…I could have trusted God, instead of doubting. Knowing that He had a purpose and plan. Take my hurt to God for His care and healing touch…rather than expect a person to make it all better. Be assured that none of this took Him by surprise. That He is calling me to something new. That He removed me and put a hedge of protection around me and He did not allow me to return for a reason. That I had allowed work to become too important to me. That instead I need to serve God with the same fervor that I served man.

Well today God gave me another insight into why He may have allowed these circumstances to transpire. Would He have revealed it sooner if I had trusted Him? Would I have not needed additional assurance if I had stood firm in my faith? This insight I think I’ll ponder in my heart rather than share it at this time.

Other areas of my life were touched this year as well…including my mom who suffers with Alzheimer’s was hospitalized twice. In the aloneness of that time when my brothers were absent as they have been for several years now…I was overwhelmed and felt resentful towards them. On a drive home one night after leaving the hospital…God mercifully revealed His hand of protection in their absence.

In so many of these circumstances…I would have far better weathered the storms that assailed me…if I had trusted God, His character, work, purpose and plan in my life. On occasion I got it right. For a while I did trust God and didn’t ask why. But when I failed to stand firm and trust God…boy oh boy did I fall.

So God…tonight…I humbly come before you and confess my sin of doubt and unbelief. I confess there are times that I didn’t trust you…or believe that you cared for me. I didn’t look closer to see Your hand in my circumstances…and know that there were bigger things going on.

I thank you that You are a God of second chances and can redeem even my failings and use them for Your Kingdom and glory. I thank You for Your hand of protection upon me and removing that which You determined necessary. I give over to You…a bundle feelings too numerous to mention…and too personal too share with the world. I thank You for giving me insight along the way as to why You allowed the circumstances I encountered. I thank You for the lessons I learned, what it revealed in others and me.

So God…what is it that You would have me to do now? Give me ears to hear I pray. Jesus…thank You for walking each step with me…and carrying me when I fell. PS…Jesus…please stay close by me…I’m quite certain I will fall and once again…and turn to Your precious hand to lift me up.

At the end of the day…I am grateful to know that even if all men leave me or reject me, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will never leave me nor forsake.

Even if I’ve become a pariah in their eyes…that I am accepted in the Beloved.

I’m grateful to know that even though my feelings are like waves in the ocean…Jesus Christ is my steady Rock.

I’m grateful to know that my feelings are not the final arbiter…but instead Truth is found in God’s Holy Word the Bible.

May I be ever mindful that the Truth shall set me free!

Dear Jesus…I look forward to how you will answer and fulfill the scripture verse that you have given me for 2007. I look forward to Your amazing work in my life. I pray that You will remove my reproach and shame.

At the end of the day…the first day in January 2007…I find myself grateful for a couple of things in particular.

1) Having ears to hear anew. This afternoon while taking down Christmas decorations and cleaning…I turned on the DVD from the 2006 Women of Faith conference. I’ve watched this DVD multiple times…but I swear this time I heard things I didn’t before.

Isn’t that true with God’s word…it’s new every morning and for every situation. I may have read a passage twenty times before…but this time…God brings to mind something that applies to my current situation.

2) Encouraging people…people like Teresa Shirkie at Canadian Blogger. Miss Teresa and those who have the gift of encouragement build people up. They look for the good and always have something nice to say. They are focused on others…and seem to be aware of the power of words…whether spoken or written. They freely share. Because what they do and say seems to come so naturally… they may not even be aware of the good they do in the lives of the people they encounter.

Miss Teresa…I am most blessed by God to have discovered you…my Canadian friend and kindred spirit.

(Launching a new blog…called at the End of the Day. A place to record a thank you to God for that which I’m grateful for.)