Imperfect Forgiveness

Just when I thought I’d moved beyond it
I see wounds from the past and brokenness
Still impacting me today

Time has moved on
As has the one who fell short
Leaving scars in their wake

This side of heaven
My questions will remain unspoken
“Why?” and “What were you thinking?” will not be answered

I wish I had been able to talk it through
Or hear “I’m sorry”
And confess my sins against them too

Lord I need to forgive completely
Not dredge it up again
Let the pain remain in the past, not feel it afresh

Lord, I need to follow Your example
Forgive completely, once and for all
Cancel their debt

Help me to remember
Not only did Jesus pay my sin debt in full
But He died for the sins of the world

You are lavish in grace, mercy and forgiveness
Not holding my sin debt against me
You have cast my sin into the sea of forgetfulness

I need to remember
Unforgiveness is a sin
Like all sin, I must repent of it

Show me how to live this out day by day
Help me to remember that You never waste my trials and pain
You are working things out according to Your perfect plan

Thank You God that Your forgiveness is not like mine
You forgive fully and completely, even to the uttermost
Heavenly Father, help me to be more like You

by Susan Wachtel
June 19, 2014

Under the Radar

Disobedience here
O rebellious and fallen one
 
I have a deliciously bad report
About the saints who are the apple of our Enemy’s eye
 
While they will never join us in hell
We are able to render them powerless to an unbelieving world
 
They stand in their pews and sing loudly
About the wonder working power of the blood of the Lamb
 
They pray that God will forgive their trespasses
As they forgive those who trespass against them
 
All the while they hold on to unforgiveness in their heart
I especially relish their unforgiveness towards another saint
 
They read their scriptures
Assured that God remembers their sins no more
 
Yet they have a tally sheet of the sins committed against them
Their memories are like a steal trap
 
Their Father in heaven has put their sins
As far as the east is from the west
 
But they hold offenses close to their heart
Ponder them daily to justify their disobedience
 
My favorite is the saint who thinks they have forgiven
Yet refuses to fellowship with one whom they will spend eternity with
 
God tells His saints
That the world will know they are Christians by their love
 
God reminds them if they love Him
They will obey His commandments
 
Yet somehow the sin of unforgiveness
Slips under the radar
 
The command to forgive
Is easily pushed aside as they nurse an old wound
 
As such…unforgiveness is a marvelous tool
To render the saints witness ineffective
 
Well I’m off now…back to work
As I seek to steal their joy and peace
 
 
Susan Bunts Wachtel
August 11, 2010

Ruminations on Forgiveness

Have you ever noticed that forgiveness is easier after the fact, after the offense is over? 
 
When an offense is ongoing and repeated it’s much harder to forgive. 
 
It’s easier to forgive someone who has repented, acknowledged they were wrong and apologized.
 
Unforgiveness can be all consuming…it can take over every thought. 
 
Satan uses an offense or a hurt by another person to help us justify holding on to unforgiveness.
 
Unforgiveness NEVER makes me feel better.  I only feel worse as I replay an offense over and over again in my mind.   
 
An offense or hurt grows the more I dwell on it.  It’s like hitting a bruise with a hammer and wondering why it still hurts or feels worse.
 
I want others to understand my motives when I sin against them…but I want to judge others by their actions.
 
There is no freedom in unforgiveness…only bondage.  Bondage to the person who hurt us and bondage to Satan and his will for our life.
 
Wrongdoing from someone we love hurts more than from a stranger.
 
When we are wronged in public…shame, humiliation or embarrassment fuels the fire of unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness Heavy Price

My heart has turned cold
It’s hardened towards thee
Over a hurt perceived

What if the offense was intentional
What if you don’t care
What if the words “I’m sorry” never come

I know I should open my heart
Find the words to say
Restore fellowship with you once again

Yet my heart is reluctant
Unwilling to risk vulnerability
By giving voice to the pain

My heart has grown cold
It’s visible on my countenance
Effecting my thoughts and deeds

Oh Lord, I know this is wrong
Tender my heart
To Thy perfect will

My conscious is pricked by the words I read
Unforgiveness exacts a price
Heavier than I’m willing to pay

I want harmony and unity
With my fellow Christian
Fellowship restored with God and man

Susan Bunts Wachtel
February 16, 2009