The tough thing about being a Christian is not so much studying and knowing God’s word…as it is actually putting it into practice. Especially when it doesn’t feel so good to do so.

To quote Mark Twain, “It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.”

For me…the thing that doesn’t always feel so good is forgiving. Make no mistake…I am most grateful to be on the receiving end of forgiveness. But forgiving others…well that may not feel so good…at least initially.

The most challenging time to forgive is when my feelings have been hurt or when I’m angry at someone for a wrong done. Instead of being quick to forgive…my natural tendency is to nurture my hurt feelings…or justify my anger. But as a Christian…the Holy Spirit doesn’t let me get away with that for too long before He’s calling me on the carpet and holding up the mirror of God’s word. Right about then…my reflection doesn’t look too pretty.

More often than not…I find that hurts and slights by people are done unintentionally. There is no overall plan or purpose to do me wrong. They’re not taking aim at me…but instead just living their life. But those hurts exist nonetheless. The question is…what am I suppose to do with those feelings? Will I choose to take those hurts to the Great Healer?

As I go through life…and get cuts, bumps and bruises along the way…I have the opportunity to learn what it feels like to be hurt. The question is…will I then apply that lesson in my relationships with others? Will I choose not to hurt others in the way I’ve been hurt?

Forgiveness will likely continue to be a challenge…this side of heaven. As such…forgiveness is something that I must choose to do, choose to obey as an act of my will. Just do it…and let my feelings catch up with my will as I seek to obey God.

God’s word is non negotiable…it’s unchanging and unwavering…and each and every person is held to the same standard. God doesn’t grade on the curve…and He doesn’t lower the bar so I can pass. Yet He already knows that I’ve failed…he already knows my sinful ways. But He’s credited Jesus righteousness to my account…and has given me His Holy Spirit…to guide, direct and coach me along the way.

The following quote is from an African Pastor who was overwhelmed by rebels that demanded that he renounce his faith, and he refused. The night before they took his life he wrote the following lines on a scrap of paper.

“I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit power. The dye has been cast and I’ve stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of His and I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.

I won’t give up, shut up, let up or burn up, till I have preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus and I must go till he comes, give till I drop, preach till all know and work till he stops. And when he comes to get his own, he’ll have no problems recognizing me. My colors will be clear.”

As I voraciously consume the great Bible studies on CD from my beloved former Pastor Chuck Obremski…I came across this piece once again. This is found on the last CD in the study of the book of James. I remember when first hearing it in Bible Study…it captured my attention…as I hoped and prayed that I would one day have a strong, unwavering faith. Time has revealed…more wobbles than standing strong…but I find this once again stirs my soul.

When I read this…I think of the wonderful Christians I know at Kindred Community Church, in BSF, Christian friends…both near and far…and my Christian blogger buddies David, Debra and Terry.

So I ask…are your colors clear?

Remember…if you would like to receive some of these awesome Bible studies on CD…please click on the link for Kindred Community Church and let the audio ministry know what you would like to receive.

As I put my fingers to the keys this evening…I do so in a very warm southern California. It’s unseasonably warm…even for California…as it’s in the 90’s today the first week in November. I’m ever so envious of my blogger friends back east and even way up north in Canada. I see their beautiful fall scenery and find myself longing for crisp cool evenings and lovely autumn days as we near the holidays.

Okay…okay…okay already so it’s been a while since I’ve posted. You’d think after attending the GodBlogCon I’d be raring to go…and blogging like there’s no tomorrow.

The truth be told…I’m not going through a dry spell so much as I’m on idea overload. Good golly…just think of all the great news stories in the last couple of weeks. And here my blog sits with nary a post for over a week.

Some of those ideas swirling around my head that have yet to make it to the blogasphere include a response to Andrew Sullivan and his outrageous, comical and pathetic interview with Hugh Hewitt (still working on that piece). I want to take a closer look at Andrew’s beliefs that he alleges to be Christian…but in actuality contrast starkly with the Bible.

Of course…who can resist commenting on John Kerry’s assessment of our military…and his accompanying albeit tardy, non apology, apology? In looking up the operational definition in Webster’s online dictionary…I find Kerry’s pathetic attempt at an apology fitting to definition #1…a formal justification. It’s also a perfect illustration of definition #3…a poor substitute.

Apology…as defined by Webster’s:
1 a : a formal justification : DEFENSE : EXCUSE
2 : an admission of error or discourtesy accompanied by an expression of regret a public apology
3 : a poor substitute

John…that was no apology…and because of your lack of sincerity or real contrition you should have just zipped the lip. I would like to be much ruder in my response…but I am mindful that I am a Christian and need to be careful in my response. But I would like to tell you to go pound sand…take long walk off a short pier. Just go sail away into the sunset buckaroo.

But no one had a better response than some members of our military. You go boys!

Lastly…tomorrow is Election Day…2006. The question is…will the House and Senate remain in Republican control? Or will the tide turn towards the destructive influence and actions of the Democratic Party? Just a few months ago…I would have bet that the Republicans would be soundly defeated…and deservedly so. After all the Republicans have had some not so pretty scandals which would seem to lend themselves to the term “hypocrite”.

President Bush…while well intentioned and initially entering into Iraq under the premises that Saddam and company were going down the “yellow cake road” the President has not been willing to step back and reevaluate the next best step in our war on terror. Removal of Saddam a good thing! Democracy in a Muslim country that would prefer Sharia law to liberty is not necessarily the winning ticket.

While I concur with President Bush’s view that the mainstream press is contemptible…I also believe that he owes the American public an explanation. To which he’s been repetitive at best…and silent at worst. I surely hope our President never has to depend upon good salesmanship…because he just doesn’t have the touch. Instead of combating the biased, skewed reporting in the main stream press…with stories of success he just remains silent. What about some of the success stories that resulted out of our surveillance on terrorists? Or how about showing the good things that are happening in Iraq? Why in the world have we not fully exposed the Hussein regime and what he did to his own people?

I’m fully convinced that President Bush figures that he doesn’t need to speak out about all these charges dogging his presidency. That in the end…he believes he will be proved right…and then we will all see. Of course you can bet that the media will continue to jump on everything that he does or says is wrong. But the American people deserve an answer…even when it’s carried through a tainted press. Besides that…you’ve got conservative talk radio to drive that message home.

Even with the above factors…I do believe that they Republicans will stay in power. Hopefully in both the House and Senate. I pray that the base turns out and the undecided or even the Democrats that are security minded will do that which is best for America and not give the Republicans the thrashing they deserve. Why? Because the American public will be the ones that pay the price.

They will pay the price by having a party in place that views terrorism as a crime…and not war. That think the optimal way to deal with the likes of a Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is in the courtroom, not the battlefield. The party that thinks that the “wealthy” should pay more money so that the poor can be taken care of. Only they fail to define what wealthy is. The people who think its right to shove homosexual marriage down the throats of American’s via the judicial system…rather than putting it up for a vote. The Dem’s are smart enough to know they’d loose if they went that route. People that think they know better how to handle your money than to let you handle your own money and be personally responsible.

I think John Kerry is a gift to the Republican Party…one that just keeps on giving. The terrorists that issue statements and commit acts of terrorism right before and election…underestimate and don’t understand the American spirit.

So a message to you my fellow conservatives…and American’s who understand that terrorists are evil and must be destroyed…get out and vote. Hold your nose if you have to. But vote for the people who have a grip and understanding on what true evil is…and aren’t afraid to call evil what it is. Vote for the people who don’t want to see judges legislating from the bench. For those who think if you want to make law…then you need to run for office. Not shove your opinion from the bench…as educated as it is…down the throats of the your fellow countrymen. Let the people decide.

Get out and vote…vote smart…not naive.

Along a different vein…since my church Kindred Community Church continues its quest for a Sr. Pastor…something that weighs heavily on my mind is making sure that the man that God brings to us is rooted and grounded in the Word of God. That he is uncompromising in acknowledging the inerrancy of scripture. That the gospel message is preached boldly as it is the power of God for the salvation of all who believe. That the full council of God is preached. It scares me spitless to think that we could go down that road and fall into the pit that so many churches are…being “seeker sensitive”.

Watering down or dumbing down the gospel message and the Word of God. Preaching and teaching banquet style…picking and choosing that which the congregation finds appealing. Messages and worship songs that are man centered, not God centered. Churches that are unwilling and unable to call sin, sin…but instead call it a mistake.

Preachers that are worried about how someone is going to feel when they are called a sinner, dead in their sin, in need of forgiveness through Jesus Christ and his sacrificial death on the cross. Those who are worried how intolerant Jesus sounded when he clearly stated “I am the way, the truth and the life and no one comes to the Father except through me.” Churches that don’t want to risk telling people the bad news that they are dead in their sins and unable to save themselves. How in the world can you tell someone the good news of the gospel message, salvation by grace through faith in Jesus Christ the Son of God…when they don’t even know why they need a Savior?

I know first hand the destructive influence that results from NOT preaching and teaching the full council of the Word of God. It impacts the human heart. The heart…which God declares as deceitful above all things. I guess when it comes down to it…am I going to believe what God says in his Word about me? Or am I going to choose to believe what man has to say?

One rule of thumb…if you drive up to a church…and the folks are walking in and not carrying their Bible for Sunday morning service…turn around and leave.

This subject is a passion of mine. But even so…I’m not sure how much God wants me to write on this subject? How specific does he want me to be. Obviously there is only one standard and that is the Word of God. What I say is irrelevant if it doesn’t line up with scripture. The Bible is the gold standard.

So the question is…if today were the day that Jesus Christ came to call His church home…would you be ready?

“For as lightning that comes from the east is visible even in the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man.” Matthew 24:27

Click on the above link…and make sure that you are ready.

Thank you Jay! Sure makes you think.

These days if you encounter my brother-in-law Pete Silvestri or nephew Scott Silvestri…you’re likely to notice that they are a little more chipper than normal and have a certain swagger to their step. Why?

Not because they had a fun night out with the boys…or because they made a killing in the stock market as it rises in the 12,000 range. No indeed!

Their high is a natural high…that of a devoted and patient fan. Unlike the California fans that turn on their team if they loose a game or don’t make the play-offs…Pete and Scott are the definition of devoted fans.

The Tigers last won the World Series back in 1984…and a lot has happened since that time. Back then Pete was but a young guy…married to his lovely bride Denise and they had one son Scott. Pete didn’t have a gray hair in sight. Scott was but a young boy…and learning the love of sports from his enthusiastic dad.

Today Pete has more than a few gray hairs. But don’t worry Pete…remember guys look “distinguished” as they age. Or so the saying goes. He’s now a father of three boys Scott, Travis and Reed and one daughter Alyssa. He’s also the proud grandpa of two precious girls Liana and Danica. Scott…is now on his way to being an old married man and father of two girls. (Scott…you’d better start saving for those weddings now!)

Pete and Scott are not fair weather fans. So even though it’s been 22 years in the making…they can tell you with absolute confidence that the Tigers are the best team in baseball. If they didn’t win last year…you’d better watch out this year. And this year…just may be their year.

Now first and foremost…I’d pick the Angels to win…my fall back position then defaults to the Red Sox. Now if neither of those teams are in the running…then I have to go with the Detroit Tigers.

Sorry Steve Scanlan…AKA the Audit Man. If the Tigers weren’t in the running I’d be routing for your beloved St. Louis Cardinals. But as it is…I have my loyalties. Not only to the Silvestri clan…but also my very favorite old boss Doug Kuripla. The man’s from Michigan…and remains loyal to his team. You never know…I might work with him again one day and don’t want to rock the boat.

Even though Pete has his faults…like being a Hillary Clinton fan and thinking that she has the best looking legs in Washington DC…I have to side with him on the Tigers winning the World Series. By the way Pete…even Bill may take issue with you on Hillary.

Even with our political disagreements…I’m backing you on this one Pete. Go Tigers! I want them to win in four games straight…a clean sweep.

The Tigers Win the Pennant…The Tigers Win the Pennant! Kind of has a good sound to it doesn’t it?

One of my greatest sources of criticism towards Muslims is when decent, honorable Muslims are quiet when persons of their own faith commit evil in the name of Allah. Muslim terrorists fly planes into buildings…killing thousands of people…and they remain silent. Or when homicidal bombers blow up people at weddings or at the local diner…and it’s considered okay because they “just killed Jews”.

With that in mind…it is impossible to remain silent when I hear the vicious hate filled speech spewing forth from one who purports herself to be a Christian. May I say in no uncertain terms that this woman’s words distort the Word of God and in no way represent what God tells us in His Holy Bible. She does not represent Christianity…nor is she approved of or applauded by those who call themselves by the precious name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Ms. Shirley Phelps Roper…by your own word you are condemned.

Shirley Phelps Roper and the people of the “Westborough Baptist Church” are at it again…or should I more accurately say they are still at it. This time their ugliness and deceit is beyond comprehension.

When I first became aware of this troublesome group…it was when news stories showed these sick, hate filled people protesting at the funerals of slain American soldiers. Not protesting the war…but instead they carried signs and shouted slogans including “Thank God for Dead Soldiers”. Their contention is that God has killed those young men (who sacrificed their lives for our nation’s protection and freedom…my description…not Shirley and gang) because our nation has allowed homosexuals to practice their ways freely.

That message was bad enough…but it pales in comparison to the hate they poured fourth this past week…in the midst of tragedy that is beyond human comprehension.

While the rest of the nation reeled at the events that took place in a small Amish school house this past week…Shirley Phelps Roper and gang geared up to go forth and spread hate, hurt and destruction.

Five precious little girls’ lives were cut short in an act of such monstrous proportion that it defies human comprehension. We will never know why or fully comprehend why God allows such acts of evil to take place. Especially those committed toward the most innocent and vulnerable in our society.

But Shirley’s voice was loud and clear with the message on why she and her hate mongering group believe that this tragedy took place. She made the rounds of TV and radio shows to jump on the band wagon and use this tragedy as a platform to pour forth more lies, hate and deception.

I don’t normally take the time to transcribe TV interviews…but in my effort to defeat this hatred…and let the truth of God’s word be known…I felt compelled to do so. I want to compare Shirley Phelps Roper words to that of scripture. I want her evil ugly words to be slain with the Sword of the Spirit…the Word of God.

Shirley when I hear your words of venomous hatred directed toward those families who are in great pain over the loss of their daughters…I don’t feel a lot of compassion for the events that shaped you and formed you into the hateful person you’ve become. If it were up to me…I would be happy to let you continue on your path to destruction…and let you reap the rewards of your pharisee like, self righteous life.

But it matters not what I say, think or what I believe is the right and just action that you deserve. Only God’s Word…and what He says matters.

Shirley…even as you pour forth hatred…God still loves you and desires that you would turn to him and seek forgiveness from your sins. He desires that none should perish…but all should come to repentance. That “all” includes you Shirley.

As ugly as your words and actions are…I am reminded daily that there have been many that appear beyond redemption. What’s impossible with man…is possible with God. God took the likes of Paul…and turned him from a man who was convinced of his own self righteousness, one who slew Christians into a man transformed by God’s power. Paul went from slaying Christians…to becoming one the most influential Christians ever to walk the face of this earth. He proclaimed the Gospel message boldly to all he encountered. God has continued to use his work be bring people to repentance and a saving faith in Jesus Christ.

Shirley if God can change the life of a murderer like self righteous man like Saul (one who has the blood of many on his hands) into Paul…a man of sacrificial love for the lost…what might God do with you? How might God use your life for good…as a powerful example the transforming power of God love in the life of a repentant sinner? How Shirley?

Today is the day of salvation. Shirley I urge you…I implore you to turn from your self righteousness, hatred, ugly, evil ways. God stands ready to cleanse you from your sins…transform your life and use you to further his kingdom.

Below is an exchange that took place on the Fox News I when Sean Hannity and Alan Comles interviewed Shirley Phelps Roper. I’ve also inserted scripture and my comments in some places where I feel Ms. Phelps Roper distorts the Word of God.

John 11:35.

God tells us that we are to “Weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn.” – Romans 12:15.

Jesus didn’t add to the pain of Mary and Martha at the loss of their brother. He didn’t condemn Lazarus as a sinner deserving of death. He didn’t state that God smote him because of his sinful ways. Was Lazarus a sinner? Yes…indeed he was. As are you and I and all of humanity.

Shirley, you intentionally and purposely twist scripture in your effort to pour out your agenda of hatred. The Bible does declare that “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” – Romans 3:23. “There is no one righteous, no not one.” – Romans 3:10. There was only one righteous man that walked the earth…and that was 2,000 years ago. Today he sits at the right hand of the Father.

But God also tells us that through His Son Jesus Christ he sought to save us from our sins. “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” – John 3:17.

AC – How can you possibly make a statement like that?

SPR – Because that’s exactly what happened and it happened at the hand of your Lord your God.

AC – How could you possibly say that young girls who have done nothing wrong, who are innocent, who are just a few years old, who have never sinned, who have never done anything, deserve to die? How could you possibly make a statement like that?

SPR – You told me that you serve the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob…who says that when Adam sinned, all sinned. There are no innocent human beings and their parents….

When the Disciples questioned Jesus about who had sinned causing a man to be born blind…what was His response? “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” – John 9:3.

Were the blind man and his parents sinners? Absolutely…but God sometimes allows things in our life because he has a greater purpose in mind that will bring glory to God. It may have nothing to do with our sin…but instead is the result of living in a sinful world. That means at times there may be adversity in our lives…and we may never fully comprehend its purpose here on earth.

Shirley…you remind me of Job’s friends Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite who initially went to comfort him in his distress. Instead they ended up doing the blame game and were certain that the disaster that God had permitted to fall upon Job was as a result of his sin.

Not only was Job rightfully angry…but so was God. “After the LORD had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has. So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has. So Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite did what the LORD told them; and the LORD accepted Job’s prayer.” – Job 42:7-9

AC – You protest funerals of soldiers. You protest funerals of anybody who it seems dies under any circumstances. Anybody who is not a member of your church is a sinner and hated by God.

SPR – Don’t go to that. That anyone who is not…if you don’t serve God you’re dead.

AC – Who serves God besides people in your church?

SPR – Well you tell me. I don’t see anyone on the landscape.

AC – There’s nobody except people in your church.

SPR – I don’t see that.

AC – Which is basically people in your family.

SPR – I don’t see that.

AC – Members of your family are the only people on earth that serve God and everybody else deserves to die.

SPR – You need to get out on these streets and warn your neighbor that his sin is taking him to hell. Fulfilling the royal law to love neighbor as yourself.

Jesus declared that the greatest commandment was “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” – Matthew 22:37-40

Shirley…Jesus loudest condemnation was towards the self righteous, arrogant, prideful religious leaders of his day…the Sadducees and Pharisees. That is exactly what you’ve become. “But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to where he was baptizing, he said to them: “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath?” – Matthew 3:7. “Be careful,” Jesus said to them. “Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” – Matthew 16:6.

SH – Hey Shirley, you are really a sick woman. You are a sick, soulless…

SPR – Slight cold, but thank you.

SH – twisted human being. You are…where is your soul that you come on the air here and these young innocent girls here are going to die. And you are going to open up the family’s wounds and pour salt on it. Where’s your heart? Where’s your soul? Where’s your compassion? Where’s your love?

SPR – Our message is for the living and that is the only loving thing to do.

SH – What about the living families that lost their daughter? Who loves their daughter.

SPR – They did that to themselves.

SH – No…because some animal killed them in cold blood.

SPR – Sent by who? Who controls the hearts of men?

SH – Do you sin?

SPR – Who controls the hearts of men? Who controls the hearts of men?

SH – Did you ever sin? Did you ever commit adultery? Did you ever sin? Did you ever lust in your heart? Did you ever get angry? Did you ever sin? Have you ever sinned here Miss Perfect here?

SPR – You’ve got the deck chairs on the Titanic. Well of course you know that I’ve sinned.

SH – You have? So you are a sinner. So why didn’t you die?

SPR – So you’re saying therefore…

SH – Did you deserve to die?

SPR – Well of course all of us deserve to die.

SH – So you sit here…

SPR – But I’m not the one who did die and my message is for those living people who brought that pain upon themselves.

SH – This is what I see about you Shirley…

SPR – They need to obey the commandments of the Lord their God.

SH – Your entire life is now sort of focused on bringing pain to other people. The families of innocent girls who died. The families of innocent soldier who died. God hates fags. You put…

SPR – Innocent? Don’t you throw that word around.

SH – Innocent.

SPR – It has no definition when you get done with it.

SH – Innocent…those children were more innocent than you. They didn’t sin like you admitted doing.

SPR – Those children…those children were killed at the hands of a raging mad God. To punish those families. To punish the state of Pennsylvania because you’ve got a governor in that state that who got on Fox News and lambasted us because we serve God.

SH – And you want to…hang on a second. And you want to do…and you…

SPR – And then you’ve got those people in Pennsylvania who think they can sue us and fix this problem.

SH – So because you didn’t…hang on a second. So because you didn’t like Ed Rendell and what he said, you are now going to protest at the funerals to bring pain to the families. Explain this.

SPR – To connect the dots. To connect the dots from point A your filthy manner of life and your rebellion against God…

SH – What are your sins Miss Perfect?

SPR – and your conduct against the service of God to point B the dead children.

SH – I want to know what your sins are.

SPR – Well I’m not going to talk to you about any of such thing. I don’t glory in my shame like you seem to do.

SH – No…I just find this amazing that everyone is a big sinner except you and you admit to being a sinner.

SPR – How about…you obey the commandments of the Lord your God.

SH – Which ones did you break?

SPR – Obey the commandments of the Lord your God. You don’t fix this by saying two wrongs make a right. That’s what you seem to be saying.

SH – No what I’m saying.

SPR – You may not say what God requires of you.

SH – You know what I’m saying. Although I’m speaking to our audience beyond you, because you’re brain dead. And what I’m saying to you is that you are a soulless, thoughtless, mean…

SPR – Thoughtless?

SH – Cruel human being.

SPR – Thoughtless?

SH – What you are doing is mean.

SPR – We go out here year after year after year on our own nickel to warn this nation that if you obey God he will bless you.

SH – Listen, listen, listen. I’ve got that. Now listen very closely.

SPR – Why don’t you just try it?

SH – Listen to what I’m saying.

SPR – Why don’t you just try it?

SH – Here’s what I’m trying to tell you.

SPR – Obey the commandments of the Lord your God.

SH – Okay I’ve got that.

SPR – And get his blessings.

SH – Now you listen to me.

SPR – There is only one remedy.

SH – Here’s what your remedy is.

SPR – Repent like the men of Nineveh or you this nation is doomed. You think it’s bad so far? You are going to find bodies

SH – You know what you are?

SPR – stacked up so that you can even bury them.

SH – You are a religious nut.

SPR – Then you will obey when God says (unintelligible…talking over one another).

AC – Shirley…we’ve got to run. Do you deserve to die to?

SPR – Well all of us do. Everyone of us.

AC – Since God is going to smite you at some point?

SPR – No I said we all deserve to die. But the mercy of God given to people who serve him is what prevails.

AC – I can’t even get mad at you because you are so pathetic.

SPR – Look hon.

AC – What you are saying is horrible and so mean spirited.

SPR – You can do all that and call me names. It doesn’t fix this. You have got the wrath of God pouring out on your head. You need to fix that by obeying (unintelligible). Repent.

With my recent job change…it necessitated a little juggling of my schedule.

Whereas before I use to do my laundry early in the morning before work at my apartment complex…I now make my weekly trek to the Busy Bee Laundry Mat after work.

As it is…I already get up before 4 AM…and I just couldn’t see my way clear to getting up earlier to get my laundry done. I would have to get up super-mega early…and that just wasn’t going to fly. So with a little shift in my schedule I now find myself at the Busy Bee Laundry Mat each Tuesday after work.

While it wasn’t my first choice…I find there are always enough washers and dryers and I don’t have to fight to find an available machine…or develop my strategic plan to get the next available machine before the next guy. The Busy Bee offers laundry services where you can drop off your clothes and pick them up later in the day…washed, dried and bundled clean and fresh. They charge by the pound. Being that I’m a cheap son of a gun…I’ve never used their service. Perhaps one day I will.

One thing I noticed early on…is how much better the machines at the laundry mat wash and maintains your clothes. While I like the convenience of doing laundry at home…I like being able to get everything done all at once without a struggle for an open machine.

If not interesting…with the cast of characters…it’s at least entertaining. Especially if you’re a people watcher. There are the regulars…ones I see every week. There is the laundry attendant…who is very quiet…but a hard worker. Normally the owners around and taking care of maintenance on the machines…or colleting the coins.

There is one lady that I noticed when I first started doing laundry on Wednesday nights. It’s not unusual that people have the same schedule…so I didn’t think too much about it. That is…until I changed my laundry night to Tuesdays. Much to my surprise this lady was there on Tuesday nights too. That’s when I realized there was something more to this lady than meets the eye.

After observing this lady…I’ve come to the conclusion that she must have OCD…Obsessive Compulsive Disease…she’s a clean freak. She always brings very small batches of laundry….not a full weeks worth like most folks do. Even if she arrives before I do and her laundry is still in the washer…and my clothes are washed, dried and I’m headed home…before she puts her things in the dryer. While I’ve not actually observed it…she must be washing her clothes at least a couple of times. She always carries hand sanitizer and washes her hands multiple times. She always keeps a paper towel handy to use when she has to lift the washer lid or open the dryer door. She will only do so with a paper towel in her hand.

This lady never interacts with anyone. Not customers or employees. She makes no visual contact and never talks to anyone. She is visibly uncomfortable when people get too close to her. Last week when the owner was colleting the coins from the machines…she waited until the last possible moment then moved well out of the way. Nary a word comes from her mouth and she avoids all eye contact. Her eyes are always staring straight ahead.

When I see the women…I think how sad and scary her life must be…and ever so lonely too. But a life of her own choosing. Walls built by fear…help keep everyone away. I do look for opportunities to say “Hi”…but so far she never lets anyone in.

Then there are other folks I encounter…like the young student from the local university. He was studying away while doing his laundry. When I saw his Bible…I just had to chat with him. Being that I consider part of my duties to encourage other believers…it was my pleasure to pass along some CDs from Pastor Chuck Obremski.

A couple of weeks ago I had an interesting and uncomfortable encounter with some intense love struck teenage heartache. A young girl and her boyfriend entered the business. The young man…or should I say boy…was acting quite an intimate fashion towards the girl in a very public place.

At one point she was trying to tell him to leave her along. That she didn’t want to see him any more. She was trying to be sweet and caring while breaking up…but he would not respect her “no”. When their argument grew louder I readied myself to intervene if necessary…or call the police on the young lady’s behalf.

As she exited…the young man followed her…like a puppy…a rather sick puppy. All the while she continued to try and make him understand that she didn’t want to be around him anymore. But he refused to listen.

Before I knew it…she had entered the building again and standing before me. She asked me for money.

Now normally…I have a rather hard heart when presented with this type of request. But this time I saw something different…I saw a quite desperation in her eyes. I asked her if she needed the money to use the pay phone…and she responded “Yes”. I gave her the money as the boy looked at me like I was interfering or worse betraying him…by helping her get away.

I’m a very direct person…and I can’t restrain myself. For good of for bad…I speak my mind. This instance was no different. I told the boy to “leave her alone…back off…give her some space. She doesn’t want to be around you.”

Oh the pain in his eyes…teenage angst. He didn’t have a clue.

A couple of lessons were crystal clear after seeing this episode of teenage love, heartache and angst played out before my eyes.

One thing that was apparent from watching this couple interact from when they first come in the laundry mat…is that these two had been sexually involved. The way he touched her so intimately in a very public place was what you would have expected to see from a married couple at home in their bedroom.

And to the girl…and all young girls…you have no idea the road you are going down when you make that choice, compromise and give yourself away. Give yourself away to someone who doesn’t respect you…and in a few months or a few years now will only know you by derogatory names. The regret that you will feel…will only grow as the years pass by.

I wonder how much her parents are even aware of the road their beloved daughter has gone down. Are they blissfully ignorant of what their baby girl is doing? Or worse yet…are mom and dad divorced sleeping with their latest fling each weekend? Or do they have a live in boyfriend…all the while…setting a wrong example for their young kid.

And now for an observation about the young boy. He was involved with this young girl emotionally up to his eyeballs. That deep emotional involvement is only made worse and exaggerated by sexual involvement.

His passion towards this girl…was almost to the point of scary. I would not have been shocked to see him turn violent towards this girl. Or come back later on with a gun.

As palatable was his pain was…it was also pathetic. He was begging and groveling and wanting to be with this girl who didn’t want to be with him anymore. It was over.

I wanted to yell at him…“Have some self respect young man. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Even if it kills you inside…walk away. Hold your head up high and walk away.”

There is absolutely nothing attractive about someone begging and humiliating themselves in pursuit of love from someone who doesn’t want to be with them. The picture of that boy will stay embedded in my mind. If ever tempted to cling to someone who has rejected me…I will remember.

So each week is an adventure at the Busy Bee. Whether it is people watching, reading a book, listening to a Dennis Prager podcast…or writing an article it’s an adventure. Rather ordinary at times…but an adventure nonetheless.

There once was a man called friend.
With sparkling blue eyes and an engaging smile,
Who captured my heart.

A thoughtful, kind and caring soul.
Through thick and through thin,
A good friend to all.

Passionate and caring of things of import.
Arguments vocalized with a friendly banter,
Refusal to back down or be swayed from his point.

Then the day came, when rough waters abound.
A cry went out for the help of a supportive friend.
Only to be met with silence.

Confused information with participation.
Choices sent waves of disappointment;
From which he would not repent.

The phone remained silent; e-mails unanswered.
Hurt and withdrawal necessitated,
A decision…to give up.

Decision made to move on.
Eyes fixed forward, must not look back.
In reality…a struggle each day.

Until one day…success.
Conversation…but nary a thought of him came to mind.
Shocked, surprised and appalled!

How could I…what kind of a person am I?
To so easily forget,
One, once considered a friend?

It’s now officially autumn…one of my favorite times of year.

In southern California…it’s an almost invisible change…except as we near winter and our trees loose their leaves. We don’t have the lovely colors of fall like folks in the mid-west or eastern part of our country. Or even like my Canadian blogger buddies like Teresa Shirkie at Canadian Blogger and David Fisher at Pilgrim Scribblings.

Theresa’s been sharing some of the lovely photos she’s taken near her home. I must confess I envy their weather and change of seasons. This girl originally from Colorado…loves the four seasons. While I’ve grown use to and even like southern California…one day I would like to return to a part of the country where I can witness the beauty of God’s creation in the seasons.

But even here in southern California…autumn brings a plethora of apples at the local market. Many different varieties to choose from. With the cooler weather and autumn decorations displayed throughout my home…I get inspired to cook. That coming from a very un-domestic kinda gal.

I do believe the man I marry had better be a good cook…otherwise we’ll be eating out a lot. My repertoire consists mostly of breads, cookies and deserts. My one venture that is different…is homemade applesauce.

When listening to Chef Jamie Gwen’s show several years ago…she shared her recipe for homemade applesauce…done in the crock pot. It sounded so good…easy even for the kitchen novice like me. Done with a little twist…instead of adding water you add a can of Ginger Ale.

So I shot off my e-mail to Chef Jamie…and was quickly rewarded with my new favorite recipe for homemade applesauce.

4 to 6 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and cut
One 12 oz can of Ginger Ale
¼ cup of Brown Sugar
1 Cinnamon Stick

Place all ingredients in a crock pot and cook on low for five to six hours. When ready to serve…stir with a fork to gain the applesauce texture. Substitute allspice or nutmeg for cinnamon…or add other spices to taste.

My sister Denise (who is a fantastic cook) gave me the idea to add some vanilla to the recipe.

I’ll tell you…after making homemade applesauce…I’ll never go back to the store bought variety again. It’s just too good to settle for the lesser after having the homemade version.

So while this girl never in her life has made a pot roast and wouldn’t have a clue how to make chicken and dumplings…I do make a pretty mean batch of applesauce.

Whether I eat it solo or topped over cottage cheese or cheese blintzes…I like to keep a supply handy in the fridge. Especially this time of year.

Now if any of you have a recipe that uses applesauce…I’d love it if you would share with this kitchen novice.

Time to break out that crock pot and peeler…and get cooking.

I’d like to be able to report that thought the trials and tribulations that I’ve experienced in the past year…that my faith has never wavered, nary had a doubt crossed my mind…and my walk was rock solid. But if I said that…I’d be lying and my next sentence would be confessing my sins.

As it is…I must confess the sin of doubt and not fully trusting God. Make no mistake…I do believe in God…and in Jesus Christ his Son who gave his life on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins…and I know that the Holy Spirit dwells within me. I have absolute confidence that God is able to do anything. He is all powerful, omniscient and omnipresent…and he is able, more than able to accomplish what concerns me today.

Where my doubt creeps in…is when I doubt that God cares for me personally and or that he will do that which he has promised me. When this most recent trial started…God impressed upon me the scripture “Stand firm and see the deliverance of the Lord.” – 2 Chronicles 20:17.

So over these many months…I looked expectantly to God for his promised deliverance. I was ever so certain about what the outcome would be. However…even I had to admit my deliverance didn’t come quite as quickly as I had hope. I waited…and waited…and waited. At a certain point it became obvious even to me…one who is a bit slow on the uptake…that God wasn’t going to be answering my prayers in the manner I desired or in my time frame.

Did I handle all this upheaval with grace and peace? Always wearing a cheery smile and displaying a chipper attitude? Bearing good witness to unbelievers just how good, powerful and trustworthy my God is? Not exactly.

A roller coaster is an apt description. Up one day…and down the next. Sometimes those changes occurred within a matter of minutes. Overall…I’d say each week and month I found myself improving. Only to have a hick-up every now and again…or what I called “a down day.”

I found those “hick-ups” very frustrating. I hate making emotional progress…moving forward only to find myself falling backwards again. Assailed with more doubts…as hurt feeling arise to the surface once again.

In some respects I’ve felt like I was in a car accident and sustained injuries…cuts and bruises all over my body. Daily life keeps touching those injuries…not allowing them to fully heal. Like seeing co-workers with whom I had worked with for many years…and now I was not allowed to work with them any longer. People that didn’t know me considered me unworthy or deserving to be a part of that which I had loved…and that hurts.

The thing I couldn’t understand…and couldn’t let go of is the question “Why?” Why didn’t anyone fight for me? Why didn’t anymore speak up and say “Hey…she’s really good. She’s deserves a shot at this job…give her a chance.”

Every time I would make emotional progress…I’d come back to the question why? God has designed me in such a fashion…that I have to probe, prod and push. I speak the truth. I ask the tough questions…the ones that people don’t feel too comfortable asking…much less answering. When there is an elephant in the room…you can be sure I’ll be bringing it up.

Now it took me a while to work up the nerve. To directly ask the one person I needed to hear the answer from. I guessed I’d hoped against hope that one day there would be a conversation. Something to the effect of “Susan, I’m sorry but…”. But that day never came.

So on one of those “bad days”…I asked they question. “Why?” And I got my answer. While not what I liked…or necessarily the apology that I wanted to hear…I got the truth from the person I needed to hear it from. From the person…who rightly or wrongly I held responsible. I wasn’t mad…I just felt hurt and I didn’t understand why things happened the way they did.

So what was the answer? “Everyone was fighting for their own job. They communicated how good you were…but it didn’t work out.” That “everyone”…included the person I held responsible.

At the time I heard those words I felt a release. What I needed to know…what I needed to hear for so long now…I finally had an answer for. Thank you God! What I had felt over all these months was finally validated and not ignored.

Some of the other words that accompanied the above statements…I had a harder time absorbing. Or more accurately I had a hard time accepting them. My heart and head were not connected. While intellectually I was keenly aware that words were accurate…my bruised heart was not ready to accept the truth and let go just yet. I needed some time to digest the words.

That evening while driving home from Bible study I had what Beth Moore calls a “God Stop”. A time when you recognize God’s presence, his hand, work and purpose in your life. Sometimes the vision is clear…and sometimes it’s veiled. But it’s a recognizable God Stop. Normally it’s easier to see those God Stops after the fact…with the clarity of hindsight.

But this night…God’s message was clear to me. My working in loss prevention…how I got the job and how my career progressed revealed God’s hand and purpose in my life. It was where he had called me to be. He had made the way…and now he wants me in a different place for me. Where exactly I don’t know.

God tells us that he is a jealous God. That he does not want us to put anything before him. The job that I had loved so very much…I had allowed to become unbalanced in my life. I loved the work…I loved the people. But I worked too many hours and allowed it to dominate my life. So much so that I put it over even taking good care of myself physically or building relationships outside of work.

That in part is why God has moved me. That is why he has put up a wall and blocked my every attempt to get back in to loss prevention. There is no opening a door which God has closed.

I don’t know if it was studying the book of Ezra that night that made me my aware of God’s hand and purpose in my life. When I saw that long before Cyrus was born…God’s revealed through the works of his profit Isaiah that Cyrus would be born and be part of God’s plan to enable the Jews to rebuild the temple. God in his sovereignty placed Daniel who would share God’s word with King Cyrus. God brought Zerubbabel who would lead the Jews back to Jerusalem and complete the rebuilding of the temple. Though the 70 years of the Jews captivity in Babylon…God safeguarded the treasures plundered from the Jewish temple. And in God’s time table…his plan was fulfilled.

Here I sit…thousands of years later. Not a great profit or man of God with unwavering faith. Instead a humble servant of God whose faith is at times very weak. One who has a hard time trusting the holy, righteous, omniscient, omnipotent God who loves me. The servant who is blinded to God’s hand, plan and purpose for my life…when things don’t go as I’ve expected.

Then I look at the faithful witness of my beloved former Pastor, Chuck Obremski. I see a man willing to humble himself under the mighty plan of God. Willing to be used as an instrument in God’s plan…no matter what the personal sacrifice. Instead of asking God why as his body faded away…he asked God what. What are you going to do in these circumstances? What is your plan…what would you have me to do?

After witnessing God’s hand, purpose and plan being carried out in his willing and faithful servant…ought I not do the same? What made the difference in the servants of God? What made the difference in Daniel, Zerubbabel, or David or Paul? What turned Jesus band of disciples from men who were scared and scatter when he was crucified…into men who would willing and loudly go forth and proclaim the gospel message no matter what the price? Was it not the word of God? Was it not the Holy Spirit of God that rested upon them and dwelled within them?

That same word of God…the same Holy Spirit is available to this humble, frail servant of God. Now will I choose to trust God? Will I choose to believe him…and know that he has a purpose and plan that he is working out in my life…even when he chooses not to share the specifics with me?

I don’t know exactly what God will be doing in my life through these changes. Perhaps his plan includes changing my circumstances in order to answer other prayers that I have uttered. Like my life long prayer to be married? I won’t know the answer as long as I resist that which God is doing in my life?

So between God’s mercy demonstrated to me by allowing me to hear those words I needed hear…and that God Stop where God showed me that he has a purpose and plan that he is working out in the lives of his people…I think that maybe I’m starting to “get it”.

Like I said earlier…I just hate it when I make progress only later to find myself assailed by doubts, fear and not trusting God. So it is with fear and trembling that I say that I may have had a breakthrough in this new chapter of my life. I would do well to utter that prayer “Jesus…I believe…please help me with my unbelief.”

Purses…women’s purses are a very personal thing. From the size, style and color that you have…to making sure that no one touches your purse or worse yet…goes into your purse. That includes a beloved husband, children or friends. To do so…is to cross a personal boundary. Why? Well I think there a lot of reasons.

Purses are a woman’s thing…a girly girl thing. Unless of course you are Brian Kilmeade from Fox & Friends. Then you carry a “man bag”. Yeah right! Come on Brian…everyone knows it’s a purse. A glorified purse. A purse by any other name…is still a purse.

Men on the other hand carry brief cases…or now days…computer bags or cases. Not purses (except for Brian of course). Women also care brief cases and computer bags…but theirs are pretty and stylish. Most of the ones guys carry are good, solid and sturdy. They look manly…or at least neutral.

What all do women carry in their purse? Probably the easier question to answer is what’s not in there. An essential is a wallet, with cash, and change (in case you need to use a payphone), credit cards, a checkbook, pictures of family and friends. You thought Boy Scouts were prepared…well you never met a real woman. In a woman’s purse you might find something to take care of any emergency. A cell phone is a must…and a PDA to look up more numbers and address and of course the garage door opener. Reading glasses (for those over 40) and sun glasses. From Band-Aids, to paper clips, to safety pins, and pens a real woman is prepared. But don’t forget the gum, mints and cough drops. You must make room for lipstick and other make-up touch ups. A brush or comb would be the prudent thing to carry…but please make sure you have some hair spray too. Then there are the unmentionable personal items we all know women carry in their purse…but we don’t talk about it in mixed company. (But of course you’ll see some advertisement blaring at the whole family in the family hour on TV. Didn’t they use to restrict things like that to certain times of day…or better yet…can’t we restrict it to magazines only?) Have a headache…need an aspirin…just ask the woman walking by who is carrying a purse. You’ll likely have what you need…lickety split. That extensive list doesn’t even touch on what mom’s with kids carry in their purses.

With such a comprehensive list…a good size purse if a must. Unless you have a natural bent for organization…your purse must also have multiple sections…so you can keep things organized. Organized so you can find what you need at a moments notice.

That’s why…the purse that I purchased recently did not cut the mustard. It was big…big enough to carry all my “stuff”. But I tell you…it had to have been designed by a man. Someone who doesn’t know the practical realities of trying to find something in your purse. It had one large compartment…one! And everything ended up at the bottom. Big thumbs down on this purse.

So less than 24 hours after using this purse….I had to stop and purchase another purse. Much to my pleasant surprise…Mervyns had a buy one, get one free sale. So I was able to get two purses instead of one.

This time…I made sure both were not only good sized…but had compartments so I could be organized. An essential factor in purse selection for the real woman.

The black and brown one…will be good for fall and winter…and versatile too. I can use it with different outfits quite nicely.

But the one I fell in love with…the red one. I’ve never had a red purse in all my life. Imagine that…red. In some respects…totally unpractical. I hardly ever wear red. But I really like it. The color is great…fun and zippy and dare I say…even a wee bit sexy. Definitely girly girl stuff.

Young girls…now they can get away with a teeny, tiny purse. After all they have to carry around lipstick, cash and maybe a cell phone. But a real woman…needs a big purse.

One friend of mine Claudia has a thing for purses…her one vice. She has a variety of the cutest purses. Coach purses no less. Which I have come to find out are the crème de al crème of purses.

Now I’m a cheap son of a gun…and think I would faint if I spent the big bucks for designer purses. But I have been considering springing for a Dooney & Burke purse. A little pricy…but not outrageous…and very well made. So if I went for a very well made Dooney & Burke…I might not be purchasing purses quite so often. I don’t have an affection for purses like Claudia does. But I’m very hard on purses. Very hard. I put them through the paces. So this cheap son of a gun…may invest in a really well made purse one of these days.

But I tell you…I’m in love with my new red purse. Why…I’m not sure. But there’s something about that red that I love.

Ah…I just love being a girl!

Indeed I am back. After what seems like an eternity…I am finally able to sit down…and put my fingers on the keyboard and do what I love best…write. Ahhhh…it feels so very good.

So…what have I been doing? Have I just been flakey…or had a serious case of writers block? No…in fact there have been a number of ideas floating around my mind that I wanted to write about…but between physical ailments and responsibilities demanding my time there has been precious little time to do that which I love.

I recently recapped my month of August…which was pretty much a loss because I was in excruciating pain…which praise Jesus he removed in response to prayers from many on my behalf.

Before I knew it…September hit…and with it a very busy schedule. I spent Labor Day, laboring away as I listened to my favorite radio show Dennis Prager’s Labor Day show in which his listeners called in to tell about their work.

As I listened to this annual show I was reminded that year ago I had tried to call into the program. I was in the queue and planed to tell what kind of work I did and how much I loved my job and the people I worked with. When I listened to this year’s show the thing that stood out was the common factor…how much everyone loved their job. That’s when I realized…I really need to try for a couple of job opportunities that had come my way.

So I geared up for a few more interviews…both in loss prevention. One of them…was in the department I like…but not doing the work I wanted. For the past year or two…my aim has been to move into an LP analyst job. But I decided to give a shot and see what it was about. The first interview went well…and felt more like talking shop about my favorite subject than an interview. I could really envision myself working with this person long term. So I then proceeded to a second interview. This one provided much clarity. While the people and the company were good…the job responsibilities were not what I wanted. While disappointed that this wasn’t what I was looking for…I was grateful for the clarity to know I needed to say thanks, but no thanks.

Then came the news I had been hoping to hear for some time…my old boss Peter B. had a job opening doing just what I wanted…an LP Analyst. So…mine was the first resume submitted. While I waited for my interview day…I debated back and forth. Is this what I wanted? It would mean longer commute and giving up 22 years with my current company…5 weeks vacation and a good reputation with people who know me. Did I want it? Yeah…I think so…but with some reservations.

Of the seven interviews I’ve had in the last five months…I walked out of this one the least certain on how I did. It was the shortest…and by the book. An interview by four people…two HR and two LP personnel. I’m very good at reading people…but two of them were very hard to read.

So I came away from the interview…unsure. The next day I talked to my old boss Peter. He asked me how it went…and I told him I had no idea. He assured me that I did well…and was one of the top two candidates. In some respects I felt confident because I know what I bring to the table…skills, experience and passion to learn and grow. When I learned that the other top person was an internal candidate…I my uncertainty grew. This other person had been with their company and had done an excellent job. She brought to the table things that I did not. Familiarity with the company and its policies and procedures to name a few.

So I went into that weekend with mixed emotions. I wanted that job. I wanted it because it fit exactly what I’ve been aiming for, for a couple of years now. It was also what I had earned and deserved…or at least deserved the shot at.

Yet…after all I’ve been through in the past nine months I knew that company loyalty is so very important. The right thing to do is reward good people and good performers. So I wrote Peter B. an e-mail and told him that if I wasn’t heads above their internal candidate that they needed to go with her and not me.

Was that e-mail as magnanimous as it sounds? Yes and no. Absolutely I meant it from the bottom of my heart. I wished that my company would have given me that same consideration when I interviewed for a job. But my work, history, reputation and abilities amounted to nothing. I suppose in some respects I also wrote that as a self defense mechanism…softening the blow if I didn’t get the job.

Thankfully unlike another job I interviewed for…these people had the courtesy and decency to let me know the news without delay. Peter B. called me on Wednesday to let me know that they went with the internal candidate.

Ouch…that stung. I understood their decision and respected it. But I feel like I’ve been on the auction block and trying to sell myself for many months now. I’m weary and that which I want eludes me.

It was easy for me to say no to the other jobs and companies I interviewed for. I knew I didn’t want the jobs that they had open. The two jobs I knew I wanted…they said no to me. There are no other words to say…except…it hurts. This last one…the rejection felt personal. I mean after all my old boss called to tell me about the job and advised me to interview for it. And at the end of the day…the answer was no.

So you may be saying…Susan why are putting all this writing? Isn’t it kind of personal and private? Well…I guess just need a place to be real. Writing is how I work things out. At work…when Peter C. dropped by and asked if I got the job…I had to put on my game face. Here I can say what’s in my heart.

Miss Ruth assured me that God would honor my good character and acting honorably. Peter B. and Doug assured me that you never know what’s going to happen. Things could change tomorrow. I could finally get that job offer I’ve wanted. Not that I doubt them…but right now that seems very far fetched…like a fairy tale and ever so far away. Instead it’s what you say to someone to appease them or comfort them…even if it’s not true. Yet…I still hold out a ray of hope.

When and where my deliverance will come from…I know not. But I do know from whom. When this whole job adventure started God had given me the scripture verse “Stand firm and see the deliverance of the Lord.” Recently it seemed like God’s message had changed and he was preparing me to move.

Sometimes I wish I had the clear and direct signs of old. Like when God led the Israelites in the desert. A cloud by day and fire by night. When I think about Abraham, Joseph, Moses and David…I see that God promised them deliverance. And indeed God was faithful to his promise. Yet there was a long period between God’s promise of deliverance and when it actually occurred.

Oh God, my God…where is my promised deliverance? I stand looking and waiting for your promised deliverance.

There once was a man called friend.
With sparkling blue eyes and an engaging smile,
Who captured my heart.

A thoughtful, kind and caring soul.
Through thick and through thin,
A good friend to all.

Passionate and caring of things of import.
Arguments vocalized with a friendly banter,
Refusal to back down or be swayed from his point.

Then the day came, when rough waters abound.
A cry went out for the help of a supportive friend.
Only to be met with silence.

Confused information with participation.
Choices sent waves of disappointment;
From which he would not repent.

The phone remained silent; e-mails unanswered.
Hurt and withdrawal necessitated,
A decision…to give up.

Decision made to move on.
Eyes fixed forward, must not look back.
In reality…a struggle each day.

Until one day…success.
Conversation…but nary a thought of him came to mind.
Shocked, surprised and appalled!

How could I…what kind of a person am I?
To so easily forget,
One, once considered a friend?

I’ve loved music for as long as I can remember. I guess you could describe my musical taste as eclectic. I love anything from contemporary Christian music to good old rock and roll. Throw in a little country and but please don’t forget classical. I love jazz, the blues and romantic classics from the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s. If you have a Broadway show tune playing I will likely be singing every lyric…I just love it.

I consider music a gift from God…and am ever so thankful for music and my ability to hear.

Recently…I heard about a website where you can purchase songs…for a minimal price. Since there are many of the songs I grew up with and still love…I was excited at the prospect listening to some of my favorite songs from my youth.

Just the other night I purchased Neil Diamond’s “Beautiful Noise” album. In my tumultuous teenage years…I spent many an hour listening to these songs. All the while contemplating, dreaming, hoping and wondering what my future would be like.

What would those coming years hold in store?

It was though I was standing on a precipice. The direction my life would take would be set by the choices I would make…both good and bad. Little did I know back then that seemingly inconsequential decisions would impact me greatly. They helped form my character, which in turn would influence future decisions. Only with hindsight can I see more clearly. Yet…I still remain blind as to what consequence other decisions would have been.

Some of those bad decisions would result in years of poor self esteem and painful shyness. So much of what I had hoped and dreamed for…faded away…vanished. They seemed to swirl down the drain and I was helpless to stop it and unable to retrieve what I had lost.

Here I stand today…listening to one of my favorite albums. At times still wishing for some of those same dreams I had way back when. Reality achieved can be painful when measured against hopes and dreams.

Yet that same music raises a spirit of hope and possibilities…of what can be accomplished even at this late date. Now I have the perspective of God and Jesus Christ within me at work in my life. I know that He and He alone is able to do abundantly more than all I ask or imagine. I know first hand the changes He has made in me.

There will remain in me…a till my dying day a hope that God will answer some of those prayers I uttered so very long ago.