These days if you encounter my brother-in-law Pete Silvestri or nephew Scott Silvestri…you’re likely to notice that they are a little more chipper than normal and have a certain swagger to their step. Why?

Not because they had a fun night out with the boys…or because they made a killing in the stock market as it rises in the 12,000 range. No indeed!

Their high is a natural high…that of a devoted and patient fan. Unlike the California fans that turn on their team if they loose a game or don’t make the play-offs…Pete and Scott are the definition of devoted fans.

The Tigers last won the World Series back in 1984…and a lot has happened since that time. Back then Pete was but a young guy…married to his lovely bride Denise and they had one son Scott. Pete didn’t have a gray hair in sight. Scott was but a young boy…and learning the love of sports from his enthusiastic dad.

Today Pete has more than a few gray hairs. But don’t worry Pete…remember guys look “distinguished” as they age. Or so the saying goes. He’s now a father of three boys Scott, Travis and Reed and one daughter Alyssa. He’s also the proud grandpa of two precious girls Liana and Danica. Scott…is now on his way to being an old married man and father of two girls. (Scott…you’d better start saving for those weddings now!)

Pete and Scott are not fair weather fans. So even though it’s been 22 years in the making…they can tell you with absolute confidence that the Tigers are the best team in baseball. If they didn’t win last year…you’d better watch out this year. And this year…just may be their year.

Now first and foremost…I’d pick the Angels to win…my fall back position then defaults to the Red Sox. Now if neither of those teams are in the running…then I have to go with the Detroit Tigers.

Sorry Steve Scanlan…AKA the Audit Man. If the Tigers weren’t in the running I’d be routing for your beloved St. Louis Cardinals. But as it is…I have my loyalties. Not only to the Silvestri clan…but also my very favorite old boss Doug Kuripla. The man’s from Michigan…and remains loyal to his team. You never know…I might work with him again one day and don’t want to rock the boat.

Even though Pete has his faults…like being a Hillary Clinton fan and thinking that she has the best looking legs in Washington DC…I have to side with him on the Tigers winning the World Series. By the way Pete…even Bill may take issue with you on Hillary.

Even with our political disagreements…I’m backing you on this one Pete. Go Tigers! I want them to win in four games straight…a clean sweep.

The Tigers Win the Pennant…The Tigers Win the Pennant! Kind of has a good sound to it doesn’t it?

One of my greatest sources of criticism towards Muslims is when decent, honorable Muslims are quiet when persons of their own faith commit evil in the name of Allah. Muslim terrorists fly planes into buildings…killing thousands of people…and they remain silent. Or when homicidal bombers blow up people at weddings or at the local diner…and it’s considered okay because they “just killed Jews”.

With that in mind…it is impossible to remain silent when I hear the vicious hate filled speech spewing forth from one who purports herself to be a Christian. May I say in no uncertain terms that this woman’s words distort the Word of God and in no way represent what God tells us in His Holy Bible. She does not represent Christianity…nor is she approved of or applauded by those who call themselves by the precious name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Ms. Shirley Phelps Roper…by your own word you are condemned.

Shirley Phelps Roper and the people of the “Westborough Baptist Church” are at it again…or should I more accurately say they are still at it. This time their ugliness and deceit is beyond comprehension.

When I first became aware of this troublesome group…it was when news stories showed these sick, hate filled people protesting at the funerals of slain American soldiers. Not protesting the war…but instead they carried signs and shouted slogans including “Thank God for Dead Soldiers”. Their contention is that God has killed those young men (who sacrificed their lives for our nation’s protection and freedom…my description…not Shirley and gang) because our nation has allowed homosexuals to practice their ways freely.

That message was bad enough…but it pales in comparison to the hate they poured fourth this past week…in the midst of tragedy that is beyond human comprehension.

While the rest of the nation reeled at the events that took place in a small Amish school house this past week…Shirley Phelps Roper and gang geared up to go forth and spread hate, hurt and destruction.

Five precious little girls’ lives were cut short in an act of such monstrous proportion that it defies human comprehension. We will never know why or fully comprehend why God allows such acts of evil to take place. Especially those committed toward the most innocent and vulnerable in our society.

But Shirley’s voice was loud and clear with the message on why she and her hate mongering group believe that this tragedy took place. She made the rounds of TV and radio shows to jump on the band wagon and use this tragedy as a platform to pour forth more lies, hate and deception.

I don’t normally take the time to transcribe TV interviews…but in my effort to defeat this hatred…and let the truth of God’s word be known…I felt compelled to do so. I want to compare Shirley Phelps Roper words to that of scripture. I want her evil ugly words to be slain with the Sword of the Spirit…the Word of God.

Shirley when I hear your words of venomous hatred directed toward those families who are in great pain over the loss of their daughters…I don’t feel a lot of compassion for the events that shaped you and formed you into the hateful person you’ve become. If it were up to me…I would be happy to let you continue on your path to destruction…and let you reap the rewards of your pharisee like, self righteous life.

But it matters not what I say, think or what I believe is the right and just action that you deserve. Only God’s Word…and what He says matters.

Shirley…even as you pour forth hatred…God still loves you and desires that you would turn to him and seek forgiveness from your sins. He desires that none should perish…but all should come to repentance. That “all” includes you Shirley.

As ugly as your words and actions are…I am reminded daily that there have been many that appear beyond redemption. What’s impossible with man…is possible with God. God took the likes of Paul…and turned him from a man who was convinced of his own self righteousness, one who slew Christians into a man transformed by God’s power. Paul went from slaying Christians…to becoming one the most influential Christians ever to walk the face of this earth. He proclaimed the Gospel message boldly to all he encountered. God has continued to use his work be bring people to repentance and a saving faith in Jesus Christ.

Shirley if God can change the life of a murderer like self righteous man like Saul (one who has the blood of many on his hands) into Paul…a man of sacrificial love for the lost…what might God do with you? How might God use your life for good…as a powerful example the transforming power of God love in the life of a repentant sinner? How Shirley?

Today is the day of salvation. Shirley I urge you…I implore you to turn from your self righteousness, hatred, ugly, evil ways. God stands ready to cleanse you from your sins…transform your life and use you to further his kingdom.

Below is an exchange that took place on the Fox News I when Sean Hannity and Alan Comles interviewed Shirley Phelps Roper. I’ve also inserted scripture and my comments in some places where I feel Ms. Phelps Roper distorts the Word of God.

John 11:35.

God tells us that we are to “Weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn.” – Romans 12:15.

Jesus didn’t add to the pain of Mary and Martha at the loss of their brother. He didn’t condemn Lazarus as a sinner deserving of death. He didn’t state that God smote him because of his sinful ways. Was Lazarus a sinner? Yes…indeed he was. As are you and I and all of humanity.

Shirley, you intentionally and purposely twist scripture in your effort to pour out your agenda of hatred. The Bible does declare that “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” – Romans 3:23. “There is no one righteous, no not one.” – Romans 3:10. There was only one righteous man that walked the earth…and that was 2,000 years ago. Today he sits at the right hand of the Father.

But God also tells us that through His Son Jesus Christ he sought to save us from our sins. “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” – John 3:17.

AC – How can you possibly make a statement like that?

SPR – Because that’s exactly what happened and it happened at the hand of your Lord your God.

AC – How could you possibly say that young girls who have done nothing wrong, who are innocent, who are just a few years old, who have never sinned, who have never done anything, deserve to die? How could you possibly make a statement like that?

SPR – You told me that you serve the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob…who says that when Adam sinned, all sinned. There are no innocent human beings and their parents….

When the Disciples questioned Jesus about who had sinned causing a man to be born blind…what was His response? “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” – John 9:3.

Were the blind man and his parents sinners? Absolutely…but God sometimes allows things in our life because he has a greater purpose in mind that will bring glory to God. It may have nothing to do with our sin…but instead is the result of living in a sinful world. That means at times there may be adversity in our lives…and we may never fully comprehend its purpose here on earth.

Shirley…you remind me of Job’s friends Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite who initially went to comfort him in his distress. Instead they ended up doing the blame game and were certain that the disaster that God had permitted to fall upon Job was as a result of his sin.

Not only was Job rightfully angry…but so was God. “After the LORD had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has. So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has. So Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite did what the LORD told them; and the LORD accepted Job’s prayer.” – Job 42:7-9

AC – You protest funerals of soldiers. You protest funerals of anybody who it seems dies under any circumstances. Anybody who is not a member of your church is a sinner and hated by God.

SPR – Don’t go to that. That anyone who is not…if you don’t serve God you’re dead.

AC – Who serves God besides people in your church?

SPR – Well you tell me. I don’t see anyone on the landscape.

AC – There’s nobody except people in your church.

SPR – I don’t see that.

AC – Which is basically people in your family.

SPR – I don’t see that.

AC – Members of your family are the only people on earth that serve God and everybody else deserves to die.

SPR – You need to get out on these streets and warn your neighbor that his sin is taking him to hell. Fulfilling the royal law to love neighbor as yourself.

Jesus declared that the greatest commandment was “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” – Matthew 22:37-40

Shirley…Jesus loudest condemnation was towards the self righteous, arrogant, prideful religious leaders of his day…the Sadducees and Pharisees. That is exactly what you’ve become. “But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to where he was baptizing, he said to them: “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath?” – Matthew 3:7. “Be careful,” Jesus said to them. “Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” – Matthew 16:6.

SH – Hey Shirley, you are really a sick woman. You are a sick, soulless…

SPR – Slight cold, but thank you.

SH – twisted human being. You are…where is your soul that you come on the air here and these young innocent girls here are going to die. And you are going to open up the family’s wounds and pour salt on it. Where’s your heart? Where’s your soul? Where’s your compassion? Where’s your love?

SPR – Our message is for the living and that is the only loving thing to do.

SH – What about the living families that lost their daughter? Who loves their daughter.

SPR – They did that to themselves.

SH – No…because some animal killed them in cold blood.

SPR – Sent by who? Who controls the hearts of men?

SH – Do you sin?

SPR – Who controls the hearts of men? Who controls the hearts of men?

SH – Did you ever sin? Did you ever commit adultery? Did you ever sin? Did you ever lust in your heart? Did you ever get angry? Did you ever sin? Have you ever sinned here Miss Perfect here?

SPR – You’ve got the deck chairs on the Titanic. Well of course you know that I’ve sinned.

SH – You have? So you are a sinner. So why didn’t you die?

SPR – So you’re saying therefore…

SH – Did you deserve to die?

SPR – Well of course all of us deserve to die.

SH – So you sit here…

SPR – But I’m not the one who did die and my message is for those living people who brought that pain upon themselves.

SH – This is what I see about you Shirley…

SPR – They need to obey the commandments of the Lord their God.

SH – Your entire life is now sort of focused on bringing pain to other people. The families of innocent girls who died. The families of innocent soldier who died. God hates fags. You put…

SPR – Innocent? Don’t you throw that word around.

SH – Innocent.

SPR – It has no definition when you get done with it.

SH – Innocent…those children were more innocent than you. They didn’t sin like you admitted doing.

SPR – Those children…those children were killed at the hands of a raging mad God. To punish those families. To punish the state of Pennsylvania because you’ve got a governor in that state that who got on Fox News and lambasted us because we serve God.

SH – And you want to…hang on a second. And you want to do…and you…

SPR – And then you’ve got those people in Pennsylvania who think they can sue us and fix this problem.

SH – So because you didn’t…hang on a second. So because you didn’t like Ed Rendell and what he said, you are now going to protest at the funerals to bring pain to the families. Explain this.

SPR – To connect the dots. To connect the dots from point A your filthy manner of life and your rebellion against God…

SH – What are your sins Miss Perfect?

SPR – and your conduct against the service of God to point B the dead children.

SH – I want to know what your sins are.

SPR – Well I’m not going to talk to you about any of such thing. I don’t glory in my shame like you seem to do.

SH – No…I just find this amazing that everyone is a big sinner except you and you admit to being a sinner.

SPR – How about…you obey the commandments of the Lord your God.

SH – Which ones did you break?

SPR – Obey the commandments of the Lord your God. You don’t fix this by saying two wrongs make a right. That’s what you seem to be saying.

SH – No what I’m saying.

SPR – You may not say what God requires of you.

SH – You know what I’m saying. Although I’m speaking to our audience beyond you, because you’re brain dead. And what I’m saying to you is that you are a soulless, thoughtless, mean…

SPR – Thoughtless?

SH – Cruel human being.

SPR – Thoughtless?

SH – What you are doing is mean.

SPR – We go out here year after year after year on our own nickel to warn this nation that if you obey God he will bless you.

SH – Listen, listen, listen. I’ve got that. Now listen very closely.

SPR – Why don’t you just try it?

SH – Listen to what I’m saying.

SPR – Why don’t you just try it?

SH – Here’s what I’m trying to tell you.

SPR – Obey the commandments of the Lord your God.

SH – Okay I’ve got that.

SPR – And get his blessings.

SH – Now you listen to me.

SPR – There is only one remedy.

SH – Here’s what your remedy is.

SPR – Repent like the men of Nineveh or you this nation is doomed. You think it’s bad so far? You are going to find bodies

SH – You know what you are?

SPR – stacked up so that you can even bury them.

SH – You are a religious nut.

SPR – Then you will obey when God says (unintelligible…talking over one another).

AC – Shirley…we’ve got to run. Do you deserve to die to?

SPR – Well all of us do. Everyone of us.

AC – Since God is going to smite you at some point?

SPR – No I said we all deserve to die. But the mercy of God given to people who serve him is what prevails.

AC – I can’t even get mad at you because you are so pathetic.

SPR – Look hon.

AC – What you are saying is horrible and so mean spirited.

SPR – You can do all that and call me names. It doesn’t fix this. You have got the wrath of God pouring out on your head. You need to fix that by obeying (unintelligible). Repent.

With my recent job change…it necessitated a little juggling of my schedule.

Whereas before I use to do my laundry early in the morning before work at my apartment complex…I now make my weekly trek to the Busy Bee Laundry Mat after work.

As it is…I already get up before 4 AM…and I just couldn’t see my way clear to getting up earlier to get my laundry done. I would have to get up super-mega early…and that just wasn’t going to fly. So with a little shift in my schedule I now find myself at the Busy Bee Laundry Mat each Tuesday after work.

While it wasn’t my first choice…I find there are always enough washers and dryers and I don’t have to fight to find an available machine…or develop my strategic plan to get the next available machine before the next guy. The Busy Bee offers laundry services where you can drop off your clothes and pick them up later in the day…washed, dried and bundled clean and fresh. They charge by the pound. Being that I’m a cheap son of a gun…I’ve never used their service. Perhaps one day I will.

One thing I noticed early on…is how much better the machines at the laundry mat wash and maintains your clothes. While I like the convenience of doing laundry at home…I like being able to get everything done all at once without a struggle for an open machine.

If not interesting…with the cast of characters…it’s at least entertaining. Especially if you’re a people watcher. There are the regulars…ones I see every week. There is the laundry attendant…who is very quiet…but a hard worker. Normally the owners around and taking care of maintenance on the machines…or colleting the coins.

There is one lady that I noticed when I first started doing laundry on Wednesday nights. It’s not unusual that people have the same schedule…so I didn’t think too much about it. That is…until I changed my laundry night to Tuesdays. Much to my surprise this lady was there on Tuesday nights too. That’s when I realized there was something more to this lady than meets the eye.

After observing this lady…I’ve come to the conclusion that she must have OCD…Obsessive Compulsive Disease…she’s a clean freak. She always brings very small batches of laundry….not a full weeks worth like most folks do. Even if she arrives before I do and her laundry is still in the washer…and my clothes are washed, dried and I’m headed home…before she puts her things in the dryer. While I’ve not actually observed it…she must be washing her clothes at least a couple of times. She always carries hand sanitizer and washes her hands multiple times. She always keeps a paper towel handy to use when she has to lift the washer lid or open the dryer door. She will only do so with a paper towel in her hand.

This lady never interacts with anyone. Not customers or employees. She makes no visual contact and never talks to anyone. She is visibly uncomfortable when people get too close to her. Last week when the owner was colleting the coins from the machines…she waited until the last possible moment then moved well out of the way. Nary a word comes from her mouth and she avoids all eye contact. Her eyes are always staring straight ahead.

When I see the women…I think how sad and scary her life must be…and ever so lonely too. But a life of her own choosing. Walls built by fear…help keep everyone away. I do look for opportunities to say “Hi”…but so far she never lets anyone in.

Then there are other folks I encounter…like the young student from the local university. He was studying away while doing his laundry. When I saw his Bible…I just had to chat with him. Being that I consider part of my duties to encourage other believers…it was my pleasure to pass along some CDs from Pastor Chuck Obremski.

A couple of weeks ago I had an interesting and uncomfortable encounter with some intense love struck teenage heartache. A young girl and her boyfriend entered the business. The young man…or should I say boy…was acting quite an intimate fashion towards the girl in a very public place.

At one point she was trying to tell him to leave her along. That she didn’t want to see him any more. She was trying to be sweet and caring while breaking up…but he would not respect her “no”. When their argument grew louder I readied myself to intervene if necessary…or call the police on the young lady’s behalf.

As she exited…the young man followed her…like a puppy…a rather sick puppy. All the while she continued to try and make him understand that she didn’t want to be around him anymore. But he refused to listen.

Before I knew it…she had entered the building again and standing before me. She asked me for money.

Now normally…I have a rather hard heart when presented with this type of request. But this time I saw something different…I saw a quite desperation in her eyes. I asked her if she needed the money to use the pay phone…and she responded “Yes”. I gave her the money as the boy looked at me like I was interfering or worse betraying him…by helping her get away.

I’m a very direct person…and I can’t restrain myself. For good of for bad…I speak my mind. This instance was no different. I told the boy to “leave her alone…back off…give her some space. She doesn’t want to be around you.”

Oh the pain in his eyes…teenage angst. He didn’t have a clue.

A couple of lessons were crystal clear after seeing this episode of teenage love, heartache and angst played out before my eyes.

One thing that was apparent from watching this couple interact from when they first come in the laundry mat…is that these two had been sexually involved. The way he touched her so intimately in a very public place was what you would have expected to see from a married couple at home in their bedroom.

And to the girl…and all young girls…you have no idea the road you are going down when you make that choice, compromise and give yourself away. Give yourself away to someone who doesn’t respect you…and in a few months or a few years now will only know you by derogatory names. The regret that you will feel…will only grow as the years pass by.

I wonder how much her parents are even aware of the road their beloved daughter has gone down. Are they blissfully ignorant of what their baby girl is doing? Or worse yet…are mom and dad divorced sleeping with their latest fling each weekend? Or do they have a live in boyfriend…all the while…setting a wrong example for their young kid.

And now for an observation about the young boy. He was involved with this young girl emotionally up to his eyeballs. That deep emotional involvement is only made worse and exaggerated by sexual involvement.

His passion towards this girl…was almost to the point of scary. I would not have been shocked to see him turn violent towards this girl. Or come back later on with a gun.

As palatable was his pain was…it was also pathetic. He was begging and groveling and wanting to be with this girl who didn’t want to be with him anymore. It was over.

I wanted to yell at him…“Have some self respect young man. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Even if it kills you inside…walk away. Hold your head up high and walk away.”

There is absolutely nothing attractive about someone begging and humiliating themselves in pursuit of love from someone who doesn’t want to be with them. The picture of that boy will stay embedded in my mind. If ever tempted to cling to someone who has rejected me…I will remember.

So each week is an adventure at the Busy Bee. Whether it is people watching, reading a book, listening to a Dennis Prager podcast…or writing an article it’s an adventure. Rather ordinary at times…but an adventure nonetheless.

There once was a man called friend.
With sparkling blue eyes and an engaging smile,
Who captured my heart.

A thoughtful, kind and caring soul.
Through thick and through thin,
A good friend to all.

Passionate and caring of things of import.
Arguments vocalized with a friendly banter,
Refusal to back down or be swayed from his point.

Then the day came, when rough waters abound.
A cry went out for the help of a supportive friend.
Only to be met with silence.

Confused information with participation.
Choices sent waves of disappointment;
From which he would not repent.

The phone remained silent; e-mails unanswered.
Hurt and withdrawal necessitated,
A decision…to give up.

Decision made to move on.
Eyes fixed forward, must not look back.
In reality…a struggle each day.

Until one day…success.
Conversation…but nary a thought of him came to mind.
Shocked, surprised and appalled!

How could I…what kind of a person am I?
To so easily forget,
One, once considered a friend?

It’s now officially autumn…one of my favorite times of year.

In southern California…it’s an almost invisible change…except as we near winter and our trees loose their leaves. We don’t have the lovely colors of fall like folks in the mid-west or eastern part of our country. Or even like my Canadian blogger buddies like Teresa Shirkie at Canadian Blogger and David Fisher at Pilgrim Scribblings.

Theresa’s been sharing some of the lovely photos she’s taken near her home. I must confess I envy their weather and change of seasons. This girl originally from Colorado…loves the four seasons. While I’ve grown use to and even like southern California…one day I would like to return to a part of the country where I can witness the beauty of God’s creation in the seasons.

But even here in southern California…autumn brings a plethora of apples at the local market. Many different varieties to choose from. With the cooler weather and autumn decorations displayed throughout my home…I get inspired to cook. That coming from a very un-domestic kinda gal.

I do believe the man I marry had better be a good cook…otherwise we’ll be eating out a lot. My repertoire consists mostly of breads, cookies and deserts. My one venture that is different…is homemade applesauce.

When listening to Chef Jamie Gwen’s show several years ago…she shared her recipe for homemade applesauce…done in the crock pot. It sounded so good…easy even for the kitchen novice like me. Done with a little twist…instead of adding water you add a can of Ginger Ale.

So I shot off my e-mail to Chef Jamie…and was quickly rewarded with my new favorite recipe for homemade applesauce.

4 to 6 Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored and cut
One 12 oz can of Ginger Ale
¼ cup of Brown Sugar
1 Cinnamon Stick

Place all ingredients in a crock pot and cook on low for five to six hours. When ready to serve…stir with a fork to gain the applesauce texture. Substitute allspice or nutmeg for cinnamon…or add other spices to taste.

My sister Denise (who is a fantastic cook) gave me the idea to add some vanilla to the recipe.

I’ll tell you…after making homemade applesauce…I’ll never go back to the store bought variety again. It’s just too good to settle for the lesser after having the homemade version.

So while this girl never in her life has made a pot roast and wouldn’t have a clue how to make chicken and dumplings…I do make a pretty mean batch of applesauce.

Whether I eat it solo or topped over cottage cheese or cheese blintzes…I like to keep a supply handy in the fridge. Especially this time of year.

Now if any of you have a recipe that uses applesauce…I’d love it if you would share with this kitchen novice.

Time to break out that crock pot and peeler…and get cooking.

I’d like to be able to report that thought the trials and tribulations that I’ve experienced in the past year…that my faith has never wavered, nary had a doubt crossed my mind…and my walk was rock solid. But if I said that…I’d be lying and my next sentence would be confessing my sins.

As it is…I must confess the sin of doubt and not fully trusting God. Make no mistake…I do believe in God…and in Jesus Christ his Son who gave his life on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins…and I know that the Holy Spirit dwells within me. I have absolute confidence that God is able to do anything. He is all powerful, omniscient and omnipresent…and he is able, more than able to accomplish what concerns me today.

Where my doubt creeps in…is when I doubt that God cares for me personally and or that he will do that which he has promised me. When this most recent trial started…God impressed upon me the scripture “Stand firm and see the deliverance of the Lord.” – 2 Chronicles 20:17.

So over these many months…I looked expectantly to God for his promised deliverance. I was ever so certain about what the outcome would be. However…even I had to admit my deliverance didn’t come quite as quickly as I had hope. I waited…and waited…and waited. At a certain point it became obvious even to me…one who is a bit slow on the uptake…that God wasn’t going to be answering my prayers in the manner I desired or in my time frame.

Did I handle all this upheaval with grace and peace? Always wearing a cheery smile and displaying a chipper attitude? Bearing good witness to unbelievers just how good, powerful and trustworthy my God is? Not exactly.

A roller coaster is an apt description. Up one day…and down the next. Sometimes those changes occurred within a matter of minutes. Overall…I’d say each week and month I found myself improving. Only to have a hick-up every now and again…or what I called “a down day.”

I found those “hick-ups” very frustrating. I hate making emotional progress…moving forward only to find myself falling backwards again. Assailed with more doubts…as hurt feeling arise to the surface once again.

In some respects I’ve felt like I was in a car accident and sustained injuries…cuts and bruises all over my body. Daily life keeps touching those injuries…not allowing them to fully heal. Like seeing co-workers with whom I had worked with for many years…and now I was not allowed to work with them any longer. People that didn’t know me considered me unworthy or deserving to be a part of that which I had loved…and that hurts.

The thing I couldn’t understand…and couldn’t let go of is the question “Why?” Why didn’t anyone fight for me? Why didn’t anymore speak up and say “Hey…she’s really good. She’s deserves a shot at this job…give her a chance.”

Every time I would make emotional progress…I’d come back to the question why? God has designed me in such a fashion…that I have to probe, prod and push. I speak the truth. I ask the tough questions…the ones that people don’t feel too comfortable asking…much less answering. When there is an elephant in the room…you can be sure I’ll be bringing it up.

Now it took me a while to work up the nerve. To directly ask the one person I needed to hear the answer from. I guessed I’d hoped against hope that one day there would be a conversation. Something to the effect of “Susan, I’m sorry but…”. But that day never came.

So on one of those “bad days”…I asked they question. “Why?” And I got my answer. While not what I liked…or necessarily the apology that I wanted to hear…I got the truth from the person I needed to hear it from. From the person…who rightly or wrongly I held responsible. I wasn’t mad…I just felt hurt and I didn’t understand why things happened the way they did.

So what was the answer? “Everyone was fighting for their own job. They communicated how good you were…but it didn’t work out.” That “everyone”…included the person I held responsible.

At the time I heard those words I felt a release. What I needed to know…what I needed to hear for so long now…I finally had an answer for. Thank you God! What I had felt over all these months was finally validated and not ignored.

Some of the other words that accompanied the above statements…I had a harder time absorbing. Or more accurately I had a hard time accepting them. My heart and head were not connected. While intellectually I was keenly aware that words were accurate…my bruised heart was not ready to accept the truth and let go just yet. I needed some time to digest the words.

That evening while driving home from Bible study I had what Beth Moore calls a “God Stop”. A time when you recognize God’s presence, his hand, work and purpose in your life. Sometimes the vision is clear…and sometimes it’s veiled. But it’s a recognizable God Stop. Normally it’s easier to see those God Stops after the fact…with the clarity of hindsight.

But this night…God’s message was clear to me. My working in loss prevention…how I got the job and how my career progressed revealed God’s hand and purpose in my life. It was where he had called me to be. He had made the way…and now he wants me in a different place for me. Where exactly I don’t know.

God tells us that he is a jealous God. That he does not want us to put anything before him. The job that I had loved so very much…I had allowed to become unbalanced in my life. I loved the work…I loved the people. But I worked too many hours and allowed it to dominate my life. So much so that I put it over even taking good care of myself physically or building relationships outside of work.

That in part is why God has moved me. That is why he has put up a wall and blocked my every attempt to get back in to loss prevention. There is no opening a door which God has closed.

I don’t know if it was studying the book of Ezra that night that made me my aware of God’s hand and purpose in my life. When I saw that long before Cyrus was born…God’s revealed through the works of his profit Isaiah that Cyrus would be born and be part of God’s plan to enable the Jews to rebuild the temple. God in his sovereignty placed Daniel who would share God’s word with King Cyrus. God brought Zerubbabel who would lead the Jews back to Jerusalem and complete the rebuilding of the temple. Though the 70 years of the Jews captivity in Babylon…God safeguarded the treasures plundered from the Jewish temple. And in God’s time table…his plan was fulfilled.

Here I sit…thousands of years later. Not a great profit or man of God with unwavering faith. Instead a humble servant of God whose faith is at times very weak. One who has a hard time trusting the holy, righteous, omniscient, omnipotent God who loves me. The servant who is blinded to God’s hand, plan and purpose for my life…when things don’t go as I’ve expected.

Then I look at the faithful witness of my beloved former Pastor, Chuck Obremski. I see a man willing to humble himself under the mighty plan of God. Willing to be used as an instrument in God’s plan…no matter what the personal sacrifice. Instead of asking God why as his body faded away…he asked God what. What are you going to do in these circumstances? What is your plan…what would you have me to do?

After witnessing God’s hand, purpose and plan being carried out in his willing and faithful servant…ought I not do the same? What made the difference in the servants of God? What made the difference in Daniel, Zerubbabel, or David or Paul? What turned Jesus band of disciples from men who were scared and scatter when he was crucified…into men who would willing and loudly go forth and proclaim the gospel message no matter what the price? Was it not the word of God? Was it not the Holy Spirit of God that rested upon them and dwelled within them?

That same word of God…the same Holy Spirit is available to this humble, frail servant of God. Now will I choose to trust God? Will I choose to believe him…and know that he has a purpose and plan that he is working out in my life…even when he chooses not to share the specifics with me?

I don’t know exactly what God will be doing in my life through these changes. Perhaps his plan includes changing my circumstances in order to answer other prayers that I have uttered. Like my life long prayer to be married? I won’t know the answer as long as I resist that which God is doing in my life?

So between God’s mercy demonstrated to me by allowing me to hear those words I needed hear…and that God Stop where God showed me that he has a purpose and plan that he is working out in the lives of his people…I think that maybe I’m starting to “get it”.

Like I said earlier…I just hate it when I make progress only later to find myself assailed by doubts, fear and not trusting God. So it is with fear and trembling that I say that I may have had a breakthrough in this new chapter of my life. I would do well to utter that prayer “Jesus…I believe…please help me with my unbelief.”

Purses…women’s purses are a very personal thing. From the size, style and color that you have…to making sure that no one touches your purse or worse yet…goes into your purse. That includes a beloved husband, children or friends. To do so…is to cross a personal boundary. Why? Well I think there a lot of reasons.

Purses are a woman’s thing…a girly girl thing. Unless of course you are Brian Kilmeade from Fox & Friends. Then you carry a “man bag”. Yeah right! Come on Brian…everyone knows it’s a purse. A glorified purse. A purse by any other name…is still a purse.

Men on the other hand carry brief cases…or now days…computer bags or cases. Not purses (except for Brian of course). Women also care brief cases and computer bags…but theirs are pretty and stylish. Most of the ones guys carry are good, solid and sturdy. They look manly…or at least neutral.

What all do women carry in their purse? Probably the easier question to answer is what’s not in there. An essential is a wallet, with cash, and change (in case you need to use a payphone), credit cards, a checkbook, pictures of family and friends. You thought Boy Scouts were prepared…well you never met a real woman. In a woman’s purse you might find something to take care of any emergency. A cell phone is a must…and a PDA to look up more numbers and address and of course the garage door opener. Reading glasses (for those over 40) and sun glasses. From Band-Aids, to paper clips, to safety pins, and pens a real woman is prepared. But don’t forget the gum, mints and cough drops. You must make room for lipstick and other make-up touch ups. A brush or comb would be the prudent thing to carry…but please make sure you have some hair spray too. Then there are the unmentionable personal items we all know women carry in their purse…but we don’t talk about it in mixed company. (But of course you’ll see some advertisement blaring at the whole family in the family hour on TV. Didn’t they use to restrict things like that to certain times of day…or better yet…can’t we restrict it to magazines only?) Have a headache…need an aspirin…just ask the woman walking by who is carrying a purse. You’ll likely have what you need…lickety split. That extensive list doesn’t even touch on what mom’s with kids carry in their purses.

With such a comprehensive list…a good size purse if a must. Unless you have a natural bent for organization…your purse must also have multiple sections…so you can keep things organized. Organized so you can find what you need at a moments notice.

That’s why…the purse that I purchased recently did not cut the mustard. It was big…big enough to carry all my “stuff”. But I tell you…it had to have been designed by a man. Someone who doesn’t know the practical realities of trying to find something in your purse. It had one large compartment…one! And everything ended up at the bottom. Big thumbs down on this purse.

So less than 24 hours after using this purse….I had to stop and purchase another purse. Much to my pleasant surprise…Mervyns had a buy one, get one free sale. So I was able to get two purses instead of one.

This time…I made sure both were not only good sized…but had compartments so I could be organized. An essential factor in purse selection for the real woman.

The black and brown one…will be good for fall and winter…and versatile too. I can use it with different outfits quite nicely.

But the one I fell in love with…the red one. I’ve never had a red purse in all my life. Imagine that…red. In some respects…totally unpractical. I hardly ever wear red. But I really like it. The color is great…fun and zippy and dare I say…even a wee bit sexy. Definitely girly girl stuff.

Young girls…now they can get away with a teeny, tiny purse. After all they have to carry around lipstick, cash and maybe a cell phone. But a real woman…needs a big purse.

One friend of mine Claudia has a thing for purses…her one vice. She has a variety of the cutest purses. Coach purses no less. Which I have come to find out are the crème de al crème of purses.

Now I’m a cheap son of a gun…and think I would faint if I spent the big bucks for designer purses. But I have been considering springing for a Dooney & Burke purse. A little pricy…but not outrageous…and very well made. So if I went for a very well made Dooney & Burke…I might not be purchasing purses quite so often. I don’t have an affection for purses like Claudia does. But I’m very hard on purses. Very hard. I put them through the paces. So this cheap son of a gun…may invest in a really well made purse one of these days.

But I tell you…I’m in love with my new red purse. Why…I’m not sure. But there’s something about that red that I love.

Ah…I just love being a girl!

Indeed I am back. After what seems like an eternity…I am finally able to sit down…and put my fingers on the keyboard and do what I love best…write. Ahhhh…it feels so very good.

So…what have I been doing? Have I just been flakey…or had a serious case of writers block? No…in fact there have been a number of ideas floating around my mind that I wanted to write about…but between physical ailments and responsibilities demanding my time there has been precious little time to do that which I love.

I recently recapped my month of August…which was pretty much a loss because I was in excruciating pain…which praise Jesus he removed in response to prayers from many on my behalf.

Before I knew it…September hit…and with it a very busy schedule. I spent Labor Day, laboring away as I listened to my favorite radio show Dennis Prager’s Labor Day show in which his listeners called in to tell about their work.

As I listened to this annual show I was reminded that year ago I had tried to call into the program. I was in the queue and planed to tell what kind of work I did and how much I loved my job and the people I worked with. When I listened to this year’s show the thing that stood out was the common factor…how much everyone loved their job. That’s when I realized…I really need to try for a couple of job opportunities that had come my way.

So I geared up for a few more interviews…both in loss prevention. One of them…was in the department I like…but not doing the work I wanted. For the past year or two…my aim has been to move into an LP analyst job. But I decided to give a shot and see what it was about. The first interview went well…and felt more like talking shop about my favorite subject than an interview. I could really envision myself working with this person long term. So I then proceeded to a second interview. This one provided much clarity. While the people and the company were good…the job responsibilities were not what I wanted. While disappointed that this wasn’t what I was looking for…I was grateful for the clarity to know I needed to say thanks, but no thanks.

Then came the news I had been hoping to hear for some time…my old boss Peter B. had a job opening doing just what I wanted…an LP Analyst. So…mine was the first resume submitted. While I waited for my interview day…I debated back and forth. Is this what I wanted? It would mean longer commute and giving up 22 years with my current company…5 weeks vacation and a good reputation with people who know me. Did I want it? Yeah…I think so…but with some reservations.

Of the seven interviews I’ve had in the last five months…I walked out of this one the least certain on how I did. It was the shortest…and by the book. An interview by four people…two HR and two LP personnel. I’m very good at reading people…but two of them were very hard to read.

So I came away from the interview…unsure. The next day I talked to my old boss Peter. He asked me how it went…and I told him I had no idea. He assured me that I did well…and was one of the top two candidates. In some respects I felt confident because I know what I bring to the table…skills, experience and passion to learn and grow. When I learned that the other top person was an internal candidate…I my uncertainty grew. This other person had been with their company and had done an excellent job. She brought to the table things that I did not. Familiarity with the company and its policies and procedures to name a few.

So I went into that weekend with mixed emotions. I wanted that job. I wanted it because it fit exactly what I’ve been aiming for, for a couple of years now. It was also what I had earned and deserved…or at least deserved the shot at.

Yet…after all I’ve been through in the past nine months I knew that company loyalty is so very important. The right thing to do is reward good people and good performers. So I wrote Peter B. an e-mail and told him that if I wasn’t heads above their internal candidate that they needed to go with her and not me.

Was that e-mail as magnanimous as it sounds? Yes and no. Absolutely I meant it from the bottom of my heart. I wished that my company would have given me that same consideration when I interviewed for a job. But my work, history, reputation and abilities amounted to nothing. I suppose in some respects I also wrote that as a self defense mechanism…softening the blow if I didn’t get the job.

Thankfully unlike another job I interviewed for…these people had the courtesy and decency to let me know the news without delay. Peter B. called me on Wednesday to let me know that they went with the internal candidate.

Ouch…that stung. I understood their decision and respected it. But I feel like I’ve been on the auction block and trying to sell myself for many months now. I’m weary and that which I want eludes me.

It was easy for me to say no to the other jobs and companies I interviewed for. I knew I didn’t want the jobs that they had open. The two jobs I knew I wanted…they said no to me. There are no other words to say…except…it hurts. This last one…the rejection felt personal. I mean after all my old boss called to tell me about the job and advised me to interview for it. And at the end of the day…the answer was no.

So you may be saying…Susan why are putting all this writing? Isn’t it kind of personal and private? Well…I guess just need a place to be real. Writing is how I work things out. At work…when Peter C. dropped by and asked if I got the job…I had to put on my game face. Here I can say what’s in my heart.

Miss Ruth assured me that God would honor my good character and acting honorably. Peter B. and Doug assured me that you never know what’s going to happen. Things could change tomorrow. I could finally get that job offer I’ve wanted. Not that I doubt them…but right now that seems very far fetched…like a fairy tale and ever so far away. Instead it’s what you say to someone to appease them or comfort them…even if it’s not true. Yet…I still hold out a ray of hope.

When and where my deliverance will come from…I know not. But I do know from whom. When this whole job adventure started God had given me the scripture verse “Stand firm and see the deliverance of the Lord.” Recently it seemed like God’s message had changed and he was preparing me to move.

Sometimes I wish I had the clear and direct signs of old. Like when God led the Israelites in the desert. A cloud by day and fire by night. When I think about Abraham, Joseph, Moses and David…I see that God promised them deliverance. And indeed God was faithful to his promise. Yet there was a long period between God’s promise of deliverance and when it actually occurred.

Oh God, my God…where is my promised deliverance? I stand looking and waiting for your promised deliverance.

There once was a man called friend.
With sparkling blue eyes and an engaging smile,
Who captured my heart.

A thoughtful, kind and caring soul.
Through thick and through thin,
A good friend to all.

Passionate and caring of things of import.
Arguments vocalized with a friendly banter,
Refusal to back down or be swayed from his point.

Then the day came, when rough waters abound.
A cry went out for the help of a supportive friend.
Only to be met with silence.

Confused information with participation.
Choices sent waves of disappointment;
From which he would not repent.

The phone remained silent; e-mails unanswered.
Hurt and withdrawal necessitated,
A decision…to give up.

Decision made to move on.
Eyes fixed forward, must not look back.
In reality…a struggle each day.

Until one day…success.
Conversation…but nary a thought of him came to mind.
Shocked, surprised and appalled!

How could I…what kind of a person am I?
To so easily forget,
One, once considered a friend?

I’ve loved music for as long as I can remember. I guess you could describe my musical taste as eclectic. I love anything from contemporary Christian music to good old rock and roll. Throw in a little country and but please don’t forget classical. I love jazz, the blues and romantic classics from the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s. If you have a Broadway show tune playing I will likely be singing every lyric…I just love it.

I consider music a gift from God…and am ever so thankful for music and my ability to hear.

Recently…I heard about a website where you can purchase songs…for a minimal price. Since there are many of the songs I grew up with and still love…I was excited at the prospect listening to some of my favorite songs from my youth.

Just the other night I purchased Neil Diamond’s “Beautiful Noise” album. In my tumultuous teenage years…I spent many an hour listening to these songs. All the while contemplating, dreaming, hoping and wondering what my future would be like.

What would those coming years hold in store?

It was though I was standing on a precipice. The direction my life would take would be set by the choices I would make…both good and bad. Little did I know back then that seemingly inconsequential decisions would impact me greatly. They helped form my character, which in turn would influence future decisions. Only with hindsight can I see more clearly. Yet…I still remain blind as to what consequence other decisions would have been.

Some of those bad decisions would result in years of poor self esteem and painful shyness. So much of what I had hoped and dreamed for…faded away…vanished. They seemed to swirl down the drain and I was helpless to stop it and unable to retrieve what I had lost.

Here I stand today…listening to one of my favorite albums. At times still wishing for some of those same dreams I had way back when. Reality achieved can be painful when measured against hopes and dreams.

Yet that same music raises a spirit of hope and possibilities…of what can be accomplished even at this late date. Now I have the perspective of God and Jesus Christ within me at work in my life. I know that He and He alone is able to do abundantly more than all I ask or imagine. I know first hand the changes He has made in me.

There will remain in me…a till my dying day a hope that God will answer some of those prayers I uttered so very long ago.

It is a strange day indeed when I find myself aligned with a man of the left, a self proclaimed socialist, Christopher Hitchens.

While I haven’t fully researched Mr. Hitchens’ stance on abortion, the death penalty, immigration, border security, equality vs. liberty, tax reform, welfare, the myth of “separation of church and state in the Constitution”, the debate over English immersion vs. bilingual education, universal health care and more…there is at least one area…where we stand in full agreement. We both have a love and passion for the truth.

While listening to Dennis Prager’s radio show on Wednesday, my jaw dropped as Christopher Hitchens shared the information that was recently revealed as to whom the true source of the CIA Plame leak was. I shook my head with disbelief and wanted to say, “You go boy”…as Christopher detailed of the facts that have come to light…and information from his many years of research to expose the lies and the liars for what they are.

That may seem like strong language…to out and out call someone a liar. But when you hear the lies that were perpetuated and how other people were smeared and painted as villains in the liberal mainstream press…while the man who actually leaked Ms. Plame’s name to the press shut up, sat back and watched, I think you’ll understand. I use “man” cautiously…because there was nothing denoting courage, character or anything remotely reflecting the character of someone I would feel comfortable attributing the title of “man”.

That person…is none other than Richard Armitage.

Just to review a few facts.
In January 2002, former Ambassador Joe Wilson was sent to Niger by the CIA to investigate claims that back in 1999 Iraqi Ambassador Wissam al-Zahawie went to Niger on a shopping trip for yellowcake uranium. After his trip to Niger Joe Wilson reported, “It did not take long to conclude that it was highly doubtful that any such transaction had ever taken place.”

Back in January 2003, George Bush during his State of the Union address, unleashed a firestorm of debate, controversy and “investigation” by the press when he uttered the words “The British Government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.” He gave this statement to support and justify the United States going to war against Iraq.

The press and prominent persons on the left (frequently one and the same) in their usual rush to judgment, without fully investigating the facts, repeatedly called George Bush a “liar”. They alleged that George Bush had lied in his quest and desire to go to war with Iraq and bring down Saddam Hussein. They went to battle against George Bush…and as time and facts would later reveal, they would stop at nothing to oppose the President whom they so fiercely disagree and even hate.

In July 2003, journalist Robert Novak reported that Joe Wilson’s wife Valerie Plame was “an agency operative on weapons of mass destruction.” He further went on to state that, “Two senior administration officials told me Wilson’s wife suggested sending him (Joe Wilson) to Niger to investigate the Italian report.”

That column unleashed hysterics and cries that the Bush White House had outed CIA operative Valerie Plame to settle a score. They made serious charges that this act was “a possible breach of national security; it is a potential violation of law. Under the Intelligence Identities Protection Act of 1982, it is a crime for anyone who has access to classified information to disclose intentionally information identifying a covert agent.”

What ensued was scandal and investigation. In December of 2003, Patrick Fitzgerald was appointed Special Investigator to investigate the “unauthorized disclosure of a CIA employee’s identity.

In October 2005…the Fitzgerald investigation ended with the indictment of L. Lewis Libby, Assistant/Chief of Staff to Vice President to Dick Cheney. The charges: Count One Obstruction of Justice, Count Two False Statement, Count Three False Statement, Count Four Perjury, and Count Five Perjury.

During this two year time frame…numerous people came under a cloud of suspicion as unfounded and false allegations swirled about them. Some of those include President George Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, but none more so than the man the left wing press loves to hate Chief of Staff Karl Rove.

Our country was sided tracked and focused on what turned out to be a non-issue. Valerie Plame was not an active covert CIA agent under the guidelines covered by the law and disclosing her name did not violate the law.

Many people paid the price as Fitzgerald pursued this rabbit trial. Journalist Judith Miller spent twelve weeks in jail for contempt of court. Lewis Libby was hung out to dry and charged on five counts, none of which are the original charge of disclosing the name of a CIA operative. Bush, Cheney and Rove among others were pilloried. The press was almost distraught when Karl Rove did not come under indictment. They followed him and hounded him for months.

All the while…Richard Armitage knew that he was the true source that leaked Valerie Plame’s name as a CIA operative. Richard Armitage sat back and watched as people’s names were wrongly drug through the mud, and their lives made a living hell.

Richard Armitage could have saved our country this ongoing scandal which only served to distract us from the real enemy Islamic Fascist Terrorists. He let us pursue a lie…at great expense. None more so than those who those who were under suspicion for something that they did not do.

How much did this investigation cost our country? How much did it cost to imprison Judith Miller? How can you repay her for twelve weeks of her life sitting in jail…while you Mr. Armitage sat on your duff and didn’t say a word.

Richard Armitage…your actions and lack thereof are despicable. I find your silence contemptible. You have displayed zero courage…and your lack of character is astounding.

Serving this country should be considered a privilege by the few who get to serve at the level you were at. You have proved yourself unworthy of the title Deputy Secretary of State. Richard Armitage you are a picture of cowardice to the “nth degree”.

People hung in the wind, were accused of false allegations and kept under suspicion for over two years. There was an enormous cost and others paid the price for your actions and silence. My only regret is that you can not be prosecuted…because disclosing Ms. Plame’s name was not a crime. But make no mistake…your actions were immoral.

How do you sleep at night Richard? What are you thinking when you look in the mirror? How do you look people in eye?

Being that you shared this information with then Secretary of State Colin Powell and he too failed to bring forth the truth speaks very poorly of both of you. You are both complicit in your silence. Both of you were underhanded as you sought to undermine the President. Not just in this instance but when other leaks were made to the press that countermanded the President’s policies and decisions.

Absolutely there is room for disagreement on Iraq, on the war and how it should be executed. But the right way to do it would have been to step down from your post and then present your case. Make an argument, present the facts, you opinions and reasoning. Have an open, honest dialogue. But that would actually courage wouldn’t it? You would need to be a “stand up kind of guy”…certainly not words that would describe you.

I agreed with and did support the removal of Saddam Hussein from power because he was a danger and supported terrorists. But now I have more than a few doubts about how we have executed the war in Iraq. I believe we overreached, underestimated…and did not take into full account the opposition that we would face as a result of cultural differences. I have reservations with the idea that democracy can take hold in Arab and Muslim countries. Freedom, liberty and personal responsibility go hand in hand with the Judeo Christian values that our country was founded on. Freedom and liberty are in stark contrast with Islam and Sharia Law.

But I’ll end this with a question. Richard Armitage…where is your apology? Where is your statement acknowledging your wrongdoing and cowardly silence?

The press got it wrong. The leaking of Valarie Plame’s name did not come from someone who wanted to get back at her. Nor get back at Joe Wilson for presenting a report that conflicted with evidence that supported the war in Iraq. It came from a well known critic of President George Bush and his stance on Iraq, Richard Armitage.

Instead the press ran with lies. The lie that Iraq was not attempting to purchase yellowcake uranium (which has since been proven true) and the lie that senior administration officials had broken the law by disclosing Ms. Plame’s name out of a desire for revenge has been kept alive by the liberal mainstream press. In their hatred of George Bush and desire to do anything to bring him down…the press resorted to the very tactics which they accused the Bush administration of.

Dear members of the press…time for you to look in the mirror boys and girls. That same hand that points a finger at Bush…has three more pointing right back at you. When will we hear acknowledgement of wrong doing and an apology? On that one I can safely wager on.

Being a liberal means never having to say you’re sorry.

Soon I may be facing a decision…this time one of my own choosing.

In some respects…I’m in the enviable position of not caring about what happens one way or the other. I have two job interviews coming up with good companies in the line of work that I like best. So there is a part of me that would jump at the chance of taking one of these jobs if offered a position.

Yet…I have reservations. Each job has its good points and downsides too. What I would be giving up if I left my current company is substantial…but if presented with the right offer…I might take that risk.

Things are improving overall as my current job transition progresses…but I still desire something else. I like taking on a challenge…and learning new aspects of the business. So I guess I’m a bit conflicted and uncertain as to what I should do.

At this point…I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t have a clue as to what choice I will make.

Even as I face the prospect of making a choice…I find that there are words I long to hear that would sway my decision.

Like every woman…I long to hear those words from my future husband, “I love you.” But right now…those aren’t the words I long to hear.

There are two words…just two…that I want to hear. Now I know…that’s not going to happen. But hey…I’m a girl and I can hope and dream now can’t I?

After the hoping and dreaming stops…at the end of the day…I’m going to have to make a decision. It is my prayer that God will make the path He desires for me to take crystal clear. That He will give me wisdom and discernment to make the decision He would have me to make.

So it’s been a while hasn’t it? Yes siree bob.

It’s not for laziness, nor lack of ideas that my blog postings have been a little on the sparse side lately. Alright, alright…alright already…downright absent if the truth be told.

Why? Well…the reasons are multifaceted. For one thing…I have zero energy these days. I call it a scary tired. When you are so tired…that you are concerned and know that it’s more than just not getting enough sleep. It feels like something is wrong. It takes every bit of energy to get through eight hours at work…when I’m use to working a lot longer than that. Normally at eight hours…I’m just starting to reeve up my engines.

If I’m a betting person…I’d guess it’s low iron again. For a while now…when I attempt to give blood with the Red Cross I get the “thanks, but no thanks” line.

Adding to the mix…I figured I’d toss in a week or so with precious little sleep. After all when I die…I will get to rest. I don’t have time now…my time is surly at a premium.

And while I’m at it…why not toss in some pour eating choices…like sweets and salty food. Water…I hear it’s highly overrated. Okay…well not really…but I’m just trying to paint a picture.

Now when you don’t get enough sleep…and aren’t eating the right foods…it’s kind of hard to wake up in the morning. When you run on a really tight schedule in the morning that leaves little room for leeway and when you don’t get up when the alarm first rings…well something’s got to give. That something would be my morning walk.

My morning walks are what gives me energy for my day. When they are absent or shortened…I’m starting a bad cycle. To tip things over the edge…I have the added factor of jaw pain as my wisdom teeth are on the move again. Good gracious…I’m forty-seven years old…when does this stuff stop?
During this time…I’ve had plenty of ideas on what to write about…but not enough energy to carry it out. Then there’s the foggy thinking that accompanies the extreme exhaustion.

So…as the week begun…I decided to make some better choices. Eating better, drinking more water, getting more sleep…eating some iron rich food…and even taking some vitamins too. My goal…by the end of the week is to be feeling better than how I felt at the beginning of the week.

With these changes…prayers from my faithful friends and God’s help…I hope to be feeling better soon.
So…what’s on the writing horizon? Well…Mike Wallace and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad…you two are on my horizon. I’m chomping at the bit to take a whack at you on paper Mike. I’m not sure that there are enough words to express how foolish you were and nothing more than a mere pawn in the hands of an evil, sick dictator.

I’d like to deal with the media and their hypocritical stance against Israel as they choose to support terrorist organizations. When you look at their words and actions…and willingness to be so easily duped, into believing lies and being used by terrorists the word anti Semitism come trippingly off my tongue.

And of course…I’m still dealing with a lot of feelings over losses. Recently loss of co-workers and job changes…but also significant anniversaries of the deaths of loved ones. I’m sure that faith and forgiveness will be factoring into these subjects.

Then there will be a labor of love…as I remember my step-father Joe’s birthday. He would have been 92 come August 25th. My sister Denise did a lovely job in remembering her Dad. From the first moment I read it…I thought it was perfect…and it made me cry.

Hope to be blogging right soon.

I know that for a while…I’ll have good days and bad days…as I still grieve the loss of so much in the past year. It seems like now the good days out number the bad. But I have an occasional hick-up…like I did this week.

It wasn’t because folks that had interviewed me for a desired job were in town…that was irrelevant for the most part.

Why I was so sad…and a trifle on the touchy side this week…had to do with an anniversary. Each year in August at work…we held an annual Loss Prevention meeting. We would invite in to the office all the LP folks for a big old meeting. It was their turn to shine and showcase what they had learned or what they were doing in their stores to make a difference for good.

Getting ready for the meeting was lot of work for everyone involved. Planning the meeting…making necessary arrangements. Coming up with just the right presentations…to make their district shine. Of course there was always a little healthy competition…that spurred on each group. I’d get to see the up and coming talent…and the people who would likely be promoted in the coming years.

It was also a really fun time. A time in which I’d finally get to meet people who had been hired over the past year. Finally put a face to a name and meet someone whom I had only known through phone calls. Or catch up with old friends. We’d say we had been around much longer than we would have ever imagined.

The following day…we’d have an outing at the beach or at a park. A day of fun for all.

Each day in my old job…I’d get calls from the LP folks that worked in the stores. Someone of them I didn’t know from meeting personally. But we instead had developed a relationship from our conversations. I’d get to know about what was going on in their life…from marriage to the birth of a child…or a death of a parent. Sometimes it involved their personal issues that necessitated a phone call needing information or forms.

While I only met these folks once or twice a year…they were people that I knew and cared about.

With the recent changes…a number of folks have changed jobs…either within the company…or moved on to other opportunities. It is my prayer and I believe that God will help them, carry them through and bring them into something better. A new place that he has especially designed for them.

I miss them so much. I miss the phones and chatting if only for a couple of minutes to find out how things are in the stores…and where they are working now.

We never got a chance to say goodbye. No meeting…or goodbye dinner where people would linger afterwards and catch up. No schmaltzy awards handed out in love. It was just over…almost like they never existed.

Right now…when I look back at some of the photos from those days…it makes me very sad indeed. Because right now there is an emptiness and hole where they use to be. I know over time…that I will grow to love and care about the people with whom I’m working with now. In fact…that has already started. But there is that hole that remains.

The new people…won’t replace them…because you can’t replace people whom you love and care about. But they will instead add richly to my life and the lives of others.

So as Friday approached…on what would have been that annual meeting…I was feeling pretty tweaked. Add to that, the phone calls that still come my way that are related to my old job. What I’d really wanted to say to them…well I’d best not go there. Oh it’s not dirty…or potty mouth stuff. But it’s bitter…and better left unsaid.

Just writing and remembering about these beloved people helps me to work through the feelings.

Back when I was overweight…which I was for the better part of my life…to varying degrees from about the age of 12 to 39 years old…I kept those feelings inside. Oh I might have been nice, polite and kind on the outside…but those feelings were expressed through overeating. Which is one reason why I was fat for so long.

(The above picture is from my days of “stuffing feelings”.)

Now I’m certain that the folks around me would rather I be fat and shut my mouth. Because these days…I do speak my mind. Normally its kind…well mostly…but very direct. And I do have moments…where I am not restrained in my come backs. I guess restraint in my old life had a price…that of being fat.

I don’t let people get away with much these days. Between my passion to speak the truth…and my desire to not keep stuffing down feelings…I say what I think. I’m sure I annoyed a couple of people in the process this past week.

I found I had writer block this week. In part because I had so many ideas and things I wanted write about, but was unable to focus. In part…I had that block because of the feelings of sadness I wasn’t letting out until now that I’m writing about it.

When I reflect on one person…I have been so annoyed and angry with during this whole process…he seems to be immovable. That only served to make me frustrated. But when thinking about him…I just wanted to cry. I think if I saw him…I would do just that. Not out of anger or bitterness…but out of relief. Relief…that even though he has been absent for a season we are still friends. I’m sure I would cry and give him a big hug to boot.

Perhaps I am deluding myself…and what I think would be tears of relief are only tears of sadness instead. Tears of profound sadness…at least for today.

Tomorrow…well I’ll take that as it comes. I better choose to trust God and his plan and his ability to bring me through as well as those whom I love. My tears and sadness are not a reflection of not trusting God or not believing him. They are just a reflection of the loss of people whom I love, care about and miss greatly.

I miss you guys…and hope you are doing well…and that God’s hand of protection is upon you, guiding and directing you. Lord bless you my friends.