Author Archives: Susan Wachtel

6/4/07 At the End of the Day…What a Difference a Year Makes

Posted in At the End of the Day, God's Will, Trusting God by

This year on June 1st, I found myself again at a crossroads…only this time…I’m filled with peace and a desire to follow hard after God and His will.

Last year…well that’s a different story. It had been months and months of uncertainty. Our company had been bought out and the team I was once a part of…most of the folks had job interviews and knew one way or the other if they had a job. Some received offers and others received a painful phone call that they would not be offered a job. They set their face forward and moved on into an uncertain future.

My exact fate was still uncertain. I had multiple interviews…and no answers. No thumbs up…or down. And then a phone call came and I was invited to travel far away for a big interview. I was hopeful. After all why in the world would they fly someone that far that they wouldn’t consider seriously for the job? The trip was your basic trip from you know where…but in the midst of it…God strengthened me, upheld me and enabled me to get through that day…and the many months to come.

As odd as it sounds…I never got an official word from those that interviewed me. The job remained open for months and months. Each time it posted…I reapplied. But it all came to naught.

During this time…I was emotionally torn up. I knew what I wanted…but I couldn’t see my way clear to make it happen. As I look back with the wisdom of hindsight…I can see clearly that God had closed that door. What God has closed…can never be opened. But I didn’t quite get that then.

I thought perhaps it was a test of perseverance…and God just wanted to make sure that I was going to trust Him…and believe Him…no matter what. That I wasn’t going to look at my circumstances but instead look to Him who would fight for me.

I guess that was indeed the test. But proving grounds were different that I could have ever imagined. I never got that which I had so desperately sought and desired. The question is…would I preserve in my faith and trust God in the midst of deep disappointment? Would I trust God…even as I asked why…even when answers were not forth coming? Trust God as He led me on a path I didn’t want to travel? Was I going to look to Him and not my circumstances to determine my love for God? Was I…did I? Uhhh…not exactly.

It was much different than I would have ever imagined. I was ready to persevere to get that which I wanted. But I wasn’t ready…it never crossed my mind that I would have to preserver in my faith as I got that which I did not desire.

It was an awful time…a time of great loss…a time that I made all the worse because I didn’t fully trust God. I didn’t trust the God who created the universe and everything in it by merely speaking His powerful Word. I didn’t fully believe…with a deep down personal faith…that God works all things together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. I valued my hopes and dreams over and above His plan for my life.

To quote Elf…I was a cotton headed ninny muggings! Here, here…I’ll second that.

Despite my roller coaster…wobbly faith…my God was faithful. He showed me His tender mercies…and poured out His grace upon me. Before my path…he brought people…who would help make the unbearable, bearable. Those who would share a kindness or two even as I bore the emotional wounds from that of a friend. It’s those wounds that cut the deepest…and take the longest to heal. But God brought the salve of friendship to heal those wounds. Slowly but surely…those scars have mended. On occasion they are a bit tender still…and if I choose to dwell on them…they are still visible. But when I’m busy and set upon the work God has called me to do…they seem so very distant, small and even unimportant.

So as this June 1st rolled around and I found myself once again waiting to see if God is would open up a door on a new job opportunity…I was pleasantly surprised to feel an absolute peace.

My prayer is not…God get me out of here…or help me get that job. Instead…my prayer is God…please make Your will known to me. If this is not Your will…please I beg You make it ever so clear…so I don’t go down that wrong road. Shut that door…with a load bang that even a slower learner like me can’t mistake for a no. Please God…reveal Your will for me in this situation.

I am not anxious…and would feel a genuine peace if someone else got the job I applied for. In looking at the circumstances…it looks like God may be leading this way. But I don’t want to read something into it that’s not there.

I want to follow hard after God. I want to be dead center in the middle of His will for my life. Better that I be on a path not of my own choosing with God…and on my own path alone.

So here I wait to see what God is going to do. Is this just a test to see if I will choose wisely? Will I trust God this time around? Or will I seek to bring about what I want no matter what God wants?

It doesn’t matter if this is a test…or if God opening the door to move me in a different direction. It doesn’t matter…because all I want is His will…not my own.

I do pray that if another person gets this job…that I will be joyful for them.

When I look back and see why I experienced closed doors last year…I know why He closed them. I understand now…I get it. Yet I’m mindful that while God may use our wrong actions to bring about His predetermined plan…He will also hold each of us accountable for our choices and actions. Just as He did on the nations he allowed to come up against Israel. It didn’t negate their responsibility and consequences…even when God used it as part of His plan.

There is no better place to be than in the center of God’s will. I wonder what this last year would have been like if God’s will had been my overriding desire and determined purpose?

If per chance God opens up this new avenue…I’m very aware that this is just a tool and a means that He will use for His purposes and plan. May I praise God…no matter what happens!

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6/3/07 – At the End of the Day…The Sweet Spot

Posted in At the End of the Day, Sweet Spot, Worship Music by

It’s hard to say…which is my favorite. Is it the worship music when we sing praises to our Savior? Or is it hearing the word of God taught uncompromisingly…and powerfully? Powerful…like a two edged sword, able to divide soul and spirit. Or is it the fellowship with this body of believers I’ve come to love so very much? The answer is yes…yes whole heartedly to all three. I can’t choose.

But I must confess…the thing that stays with me is when we as a congregation hit that sweet spot. When we’ve been singing songs of praise. Our voices blended together in sweet harmony…and suddenly the band stops playing their instruments. But their voices sing loud and clear as we the congregation join with them…unified in praise to our beloved Savior Christ Jesus.

That is the sweet spot…the thing I carry with me throughout the week. I may find myself humming the song…or even singing softly in unexpected places.

To me…this is a small reflection of what heaven will be like. In fellowship with beloved believers…part of the body of Christ…unified in love and praise for our Savior…our Alpha and Omega…King of kings and Lord of Lords…Christ Jesus our Lord.

Today’s sweet spot has left me singing “How great is our God, sing with me how great is our God. How great is our God…”

How Great is Our Lord
Lyrics by Christ Tomlin

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end

Beginning and the end
The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son

The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb
Name above all names

Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

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If it’s Wednesday…this must be Kindred…or Surely God was in this place!

Posted in Bible Study, Revelation by

Well alrighty…I admit it…this post is a wee bit late. You see I wrote it right after Bible Study a week and a half ago…but didn’t quite put my finishing touches on it. With a busy week…I didn’t make the time to go back and finish it up. So this may be a day late…but goodness knows with God’s word you can never be a dollar short.

On Wednesday evening May 20th, Dave Dunn continued in our study in the book of Revelation…finishing up with the last letter to the seven churches…the church of Laodicea. With the six preceding churches…Jesus had both commendation and condemnation…except for the church of Philadelphia. Jesus praised them for their patient endurance in the midst of a city that had become the synagogue of Satan.

Laodicea on the other hand was only worthy of condemnation from Jesus. This was not a church that had merely gotten off track. There is no remnant mentioned who remained faithful. No…they had become so wretched that Jesus said he would spew them out of his mouth. The people of the church at Laodicea were not saved. Instead they had become a part of the culture they lived in…oblivious of their precarious unsaved state. It disgust Jesus…and made Him want to vomit. They were not salt and light to a lost and dying world. They relied upon their wealth to make them acceptable to their fellow man and to God. Only thing is…God doesn’t play our games.

There is but one cure for our sin…and that is the cleansing blood of the Lamb…Christ Jesus. There is nothing that I can do in and of myself to save myself or be worthy or deserving of that salvation. Not only am I poor in spirit…but I am morally and spiritually bankrupt, unable to save myself…I’m dead in my sins. There is but one requirement…that is to receive the free gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. When I do that…I am born again…a new creation in Christ. As I grow in Christ…I will bear fruit.

The church of Laodicea bears a striking resemblance some churches today. Churches that blend into the culture…so much so that there is precious little to distinguish them from the culture they are surrounded by. Churches that think it best to tone down that Gospel message so as to not given offence to any visitors who might be insulted by a message that speaks of sin, repentance and salvation. Churches where Bibles are few and far between…but don’t worry because they will flash the passage on the screen in todays easy to understand versions of the Bible. Didn’t study the passage…don’t be concerned…because the message is chock full of stories, amusing antidotes and quotes from the famous people…and nary a Biblical character is to be found.

The very medicine that the unsaved visitor needs to hear when they happen upon such a church on Sunday…is the very message they will be deprived of. We’d rather not offend them…than to look at the eternal consequence if they fail to accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. We don’t weigh in the balance…an uncomfortable moment we might feel when sharing the Gospel with a sinner…compared to the eternal, unending suffering they will endure if they die without accepting Christ.

Reading about Jesus condemnation of the church of Laodicea…makes me pause…and examine myself. The Laodiceans depended upon their wealth …and not on God. They thought that they didn’t need anything…not even from God. After all they had everything they needed….or so they thought. They had things…wealth and perhaps even the praises of men…but they didn’t have salvation.

I am cautioned that the deceitfulness of riches can creep in…even in my own life. When I have too much money…I don’t have to seek God’s will and wait for His timing to answer my prayers and take care of my needs. I can do it myself. I can comfort myself with thoughts that God has blessed me with all sorts of material possessions because I’m a good person…instead of reading the Word of God to see if my actions line up with His revealed will and plan. I can seek after what I want instead of seeking to know God better through His word and through prayer.

This particular Wednesday night concluded in an unusual fashion. Unbeknownst to most of us…we had a visitor towards the back of the room. After Dave had concluded his message the gentleman stood up to encourage us that the power of God’s word…is able to take a Laodicea type Christian…and transform them from being dead in his sins to alive in Christ. He talked about the power of Jesus Christ and the Word of God that had changed his life.

He went on to share that each year he reads through the Bible and each year he gets a new Bible. He has a dream that one day when he’s old and gray…his children and grandchildren will look upon his library shelves and see numerous Bibles. He’ll be able to tell them what God did in his life to transform him…and encourage them to read the Bible for themselves and receive Christ Jesus as Lord.

Our visitor was not only new to our class and church…but he was from out of state and in the area on business travel. He went on to share that he felt convicted because earlier in the day…when presented with the opportunity to tell a fellow businessman that he had found this great little church on a hillside with a cross shining in the night…he remained silent. He was regretful that he didn’t invite his friend to accompany him. He was refreshingly open and transparent in his faith walk.

As he shared his story…I too fell under the conviction of the Holy Spirit when I recalled that I had failed to take an opportunity to pray with a co-worker when we stopped for lunch following an errand we were on. She knows full well I’m a Christian…and I’ve even shared some CD’s with her. But when it came down to it…I took the easy way…or the comfortable way…rather than obey Christ. I choose compromise over doing the right thing.

I pray that in the future…I will have the courage to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. “Take”…as in purposefully, willfully and knowingly choosing to do that which is right, courageous and part of God’s perfect will. Will I? I pray…amen…so be it Lord Jesus!

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5/30/07 At the End of the Day…the Hope of Heaven

Posted in At the End of the Day, Hope, Uncategorized by

Tonight at Kindred Community Church Dave Dunn continued his study in the book of Revelation. We dove in chapter 4. Jesus had just finished giving His messages to the seven churches and now John seems to have an almost out of body experience as Jesus bid him to “Come up here and see what must take place”.

It was exciting and Dave has a way of bringing every nuance out of a passage or a verse. It makes it so rich and so very full. I tell you…when we study the word of God…I feel like the disciples on the road to Emmaus and want to shout “Didn’t our hearts burn within us!” The word of God is magnificent.

This lesson seemed to coincide with what God was impressing upon me today. I was interacting with someone…a non-believer…and was struck by how hopeless their life is….and I can understand why. If this is it…and I don’t know God…and if my earthly existence is messed up…then I would be utterly hopelessly depressed…in despair.

Without knowing in confidence that my sins are forgiven, paid in full…and that one day…I will go to heaven…how could I have peace? Peace with God, other people and myself? I couldn’t…plain and simple…it would be impossible. I would feel constantly on edge…wondering did I tip the scales enough in favor of good…so that God might approve of me. How much good is enough? And what happens if I die on the heels of a bad day…when I really blew it?

Or worse yet…that this world is it…and then I die. Yikes…don’t want to even go down that road.

I am so grateful that God by His predetermined plan…called me to be one of his own. I have a hope…and a future. Life down here…may be good…or bad. But at the end of the day…it pales in comparison to the hope and rewards that face me in eternity.

But the unbeliever on the other hand…has only what they have in the here and now. So what are they to do when problems abound? Problems at home, at work, in finances, with their health, in their marriage, with their children and with family. What’s a person to do when they can’t turn to God…because they don’t believe? How can anyone carry such burdens…burdens that they can’t lay down before a loving God? How do they make wise decisions…when they must rely on their own wisdom or the wisdom of the world? What books does an unbeliever consult? Whom do they esteem…and get wise counsel from? How do they know what’s right and wrong?

I guess I do know the answer to that after all. You see I came to Christ relatively late in life…at the age of 32. So I know first hand what a godless existence is like. I turned to myself for answers and wisdom and support…and what failing miserable existence that was. Now on the other side…I can testify to the goodness, kindness, faithfulness and mercies of my Lord…which are new every morning. Of rich graces that He pours out upon me daily.

The existence of an unbeliever is kind of like trying to navigate a maze in a lonely, cold, wet, muddy and dark tunnel. You feel your way…but have no solid point of reference to move towards…you don’t know if you are making progress or even moving in the right direction. You don’t have anyone to coach and encourage you. How sad…how very sad. It truly makes me want to pray that they too will one day have forgiveness of their sins…and the hope of heaven.

Indeed…I do have the hope of heaven. Not because of any good work of mine. That hope is based solely on the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. His atoning death…acceptable to the Father…a propitiation for my sins. More than that…I get the Holy Spirit who dwells within me…and marks me as one of His own. Sealed with an everlasting covenant. Nothing that Susan does…can change that or make it go away. So even after a bad day… I know I have forgiveness of my sins…and help for each day, each hour.

To top that I have the promise of heaven. Tonight Dave shared why he believes the interpretation of the rapture to be correct…and gave many scriptures to back it up. Just reading those scriptures brings a renewed sense of hope and peace. It is my prayer that those reading this may have that hope too. Need some assurance today? Need some hope…how about the hope of heaven? Read God’s word and be filled with hope filled to overflowing.

1 Thessalonians 4:16, 1 Corinthians 15:32, Revelation 3:7-8, 1 Corinthians 15:51-52, 1Thessalonians 4:17 & 4:13, Acts 1:11, Matthew 24:27, 1 Thessalonians 5:1-2, Genesis 5:21-24, Genesis 7, Genesis 19, 1Thessalonians 4:13-5:11, 1 Corinthians 15:51-58, Acts 1:10-11, 1 Thessalonians 1:9-10, Revelation 3:10, Revelation 19:11-14

To look up the passages…go to Bible Gateway…a most excellent tool in these extraordinary days.

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5/22/07 At the End of the Day…Change is in the Wind

Posted in At the End of the Day, Change, Eternal Perspective, Trusting God by

First I’d like to say thank you to Kim Beringer…my friend…and my encourager. What a wonderful thing to be known as…an encourager. Indeed she is that…and more. I’ve known Kim for a number of years now. When I reflect upon Kim what strikes me is that she is so very real in her faith and how she views life. Her faith runs deep…and it is a part of her. She doesn’t expect people or situations to be perfect…yet she always seeks to bring something to the table and make it better. Never will you hear a word gossip from her…but you will hear a tale of good that somebody’s done. She looks on the bright side of things…but doesn’t deny the hurt. She strikes a perfect pitch. Kim is my Yenta…and continues to encourage me in my desire to be married. Kim always shares a word of encouragement about my writing. I am most grateful to you dear one.

That day I was standing at the copier…about the last thing I expected was to see his face. After all he had left the company five years ago. I don’t remember him coming back to the building since then. Oh there was the occasional lunch and phone calls…but I never would have expected to seem him back here. In fact he and the family had just moved to North Carolina. Maybe that explains my surprise at seeing Terry Sullivan. But that doesn’t necessarily explain my tears.

I was shocked to seem him and felt like I was dreaming…even as I hugged him. He asked how I was…that’s when I started to tear up. I couldn’t hide it and I couldn’t explain it. Terry was passing through and just came in to say “hi”.

I think I was just overwhelmed with emotions…it made the losses of the past year seem all the more poignant. Terry asked how I was…and I said “I’m doing okay” and yet I cried.

Terry had been my boss for a number of years. Actually I remember him when he was but a young pup, up and coming…who went on to greatly prosper in his career. The thing I liked best about working with Terry…he’s a no nonsense kick butt…get things done kind of guy. Both for himself…and the team that he led. Terry was refreshing to work with…and he cared about people…and had a lot of courage. Seeing Terry…reminded me of how much I loved that which I had lost.

The past year has been a difficult one. Some ups and downs…an emotional roller coaster. Times when I let my faith fail me. It failed me when I got my eyes off Jesus and instead focused on me and my circumstances. But it was also a time to grow and ease into a place that I didn’t want to be planted. Even in the midst of that unplanned and undesired change…God brought people into my path…that made a difference for good. Without those people…I’m not sure how I would have made it through some very dark days. God used people to make a difference…a difference for good.

In short time we will be moving to a new location…the final step of being bought out will finally come to fruition. I will be leaving a building that I’ve been at for I don’t know how many years now…at least seven…maybe more.

I feel bittersweet about this. I will miss some of the folks that will remain with our old company. In some respects…I’ll just be glad to be done with it and have fresh start. The building holds so many memories…mostly good ones. But it’s kind of like having good memories of a wonderful marriage…only to have your spouse leave you. You are grateful for the good times…but thinking about them now only serves to bring you pain.

I had a job that I absolutely loved for so very long…and I’m grateful. I gave it my all…quality work…and continuing to improve was paramount with me. I wanted to continue to grow and better myself. I kept years and years of great records. Data that I had believed could be used to make the department and the company better.

But that all came to a screeching halt when we got word that the company had been sold. Instead now I was making back up discs of data…and sending away, throwing away pile, after pile, after pile…of my work. The work that I thought to be so very important…all of a sudden it was irrelevant. The time spent to make sure a report was accurate and picture perfect was now in trash bin. The work I had done…the goals I had came to naught.

I don’t think I realized it then…but after a year…I think I understand…it’s about the people. People who are loved by God and created in His image.

Don’t get me wrong. No matter what job I have…I’ll give I my all. I’ll work hard and give you my best. But at the end of the game…that work will one day just end up in a heap, in a pile of trash. What’s important…what matters is the people. If I get that wrong…if I’ve messed that up…then I’ve really blown it.

The job I had before I loved and was meaningful to me. I never, ever, wanted…to have “just a job”. But even now as I work…and reports that seem so critical and are needed yesterday…I’m cognizant…and at times overwhelmed…about how meaningless it is.

Recently I was talking with Beth at Bible Study Fellowship. Beth had just started a new job and was saying she liked it…that she found the work meaningful. She likes being able to do paperwork…it suited her and she felt like she was making a difference. I didn’t say anything…because I understand what that feels like. It’s nice when we have work that suits our skills, talents and abilities. But make no mistake…the work itself…at the end of the day will have no lasting value.

What’s it about? It’s about people. It’s about fulfilling God’s greatest commandment…to love the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul and strength…and love my neighbor as myself. People are of eternal value precisely because they were created in the image of God. The means by which we interact with them may be through our work. That is the avenue that God may use…and if He throws in a job we like…so much the better. But it’s not necessarily the work in and of itself. Of course there are exceptions…perhaps in the medical profession or law enforcement…and of course the ministry. But what’s the focus? People!

As a Christian…I must be a good worker. Someone who does outstanding work…so that I may bring glory, honor and praise to my Savior Christ Jesus. It’s also a means by which I may be given credibility…and build relationships. So when that time comes to be able to witness to them with the Gospel message…so that the seed of the Word of God may fall on good soil. Or it may be building relationships…so when difficult times come…I can be there because we have a relationship already in place and they know I care.

It’s about the people. They may think they need this report or that report…but really it’s about building relationships with people. People…not companies…are of eternal value.

We continue to have more and more changes. Even as we plan our move and pack boxes…more people have announced they are retiring or are leaving the company. People that I have known for years and years. Before I would have felt much sadder at their parting…but this year I almost feel numb…and tell them “good for you”. I think it’s a self defense…that way when they leave…it hurts a little less.

Well I say all that only to add that I’ve put in a bid for job within the company. I think I might like it…but don’t know for sure. It seems like God is opening doors. But at the same time…I feel absolutely at peace even if I don’t get the job…which is a pleasant surprise. After last year…and feeling absolutely torn up when I failed to get the job I wanted…I feel at peace and am trusting God in this one. If I get it great…if I don’t that’s okay too.

I feel a change in the wind…and I pause and feel like I’m putting my face into the wind. I contemplate and wonder…what would it be like to go into the ministry? Into a job where I was doing work of eternal or lasting value? Would I find it more meaningful…knowing my work was impacting the kingdom of God?

I guess in some respects…all work can impact the kingdom of God. Either for good or bad. Will I choose to be mindful of the truly important things? Will my focus be on that which is of eternal value…the souls of men and the Word of God? It can be my focus right now…will it be?

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Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!
E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me,
still all my song shall be,
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee! 
 
Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,
darkness be over me, my rest a stone;
yet in my dreams I'd be
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee! 
 
There let the way appear, steps unto heaven;
all that thou sendest me, in mercy given;
angels to beckon me
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee! 
 
Then, with my waking thoughts bright with thy praise,
out of my stony griefs Bethel I'll raise;
so by my woes to be
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee! 
 
Or if, on joyful wing cleaving the sky,
sun, moon, and stars forgot, upward I fly,
still all my song shall be,
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!


Lyrics: Sarah F. Adams, 1805-1848,  Music:  Lowell Mason, 1792-1872

David…as we sung this hymn this morning I thought of you…and your love for hymns. So this one is dedicated to you dear one!

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5/19/07 At the End of the Day…Visible Faith

Posted in Faith, Prayer, Trust by

I have a few people in my life that I genuinely admire. People whom have qualities or whose character truly stands out.

What stands out about one such person…is her faith. It comes out…not just in her words…which are quite eloquent…but in how she lives her life. What she does, what she says…and how she treats people. It’s also quite visible when I look at how she approaches God…understands Him…how she loves Him and how she shares that love with others.

She is ever so humble…and would be quite embarrassed if I were to reveal her name. She would protest…and immediately give all praise to her Savior Christ Jesus. Indeed…he has transformed this woman into a most gracious example of His love.

One thing that is apparent is her peace. No matter the circumstance…she carries that peace. Peace which passes all understanding is deep within her. The peace she has is not based on circumstances going her way…happening within her time frame…or because she has been blessed with perfect health or finances. Instead it’s an implicit trust in her Savior…in His character and His word.

It’s truly something to behold. When her prayer ends with “Thy will be done”…it’s not just for show or a closing to a prayer. She doesn’t hesitate to pray exactly for what is seemingly needed. Yet…she humbly submits all things to God’s will. She has a boldness and confidence in her prayers to God…yet she knows He will never answer anything that is against His will. She is quite willing to relinquish the controls over to Jesus.

Her prayers give evidence that she truly believes the Bible when it states…that God works all things together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purposes. Knowing that even the direst of circumstances are not beyond God’s redeeming power.

Her sight is not on her circumstances. She does not waver because she is centered on Christ Jesus. It reminds me of a tiny sparrow tucked safely in her nest in the cleft of a rock…as a storm wails and unleashes its flurry around her…she remains safe, warm and dry.

Seeing such faith lived out…not just for show on Sunday…but in everyday life…is truly something to behold. Indeed she is tucked safely in the cleft of the Rock…the King of kings and Lord of lords.

I find it challenges me in my faith to come up higher. When I see someone demonstrating such faith…and see the faithfulness of God…I desire to have that kind of living and visible faith. It also makes me realized how impacting our faith or lack thereof can be on others. That ought to make me tremble with a healthy fear.


“Fear of the Lord…is the beginning of wisdom.” – Proverbs 1:7

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5/16/07 At the End of the Day…Random Reflections

Posted in At the End of the Day, God's Love by

Tonight…was another wonderful night at Bible study. Dave Dunn is going through the book of Revelation. We’ve been going through the letters to the seven churches…one a week. Dave just jam packs the study. First he paints a historical word picture of what that culture would have been like. He’s so effective…there are times I swear I could step from the pages into the city. It makes understanding the passage so much richer and fuller.

Tonight we studied about the church at Philadelphia…the one church that God commended…and held no charge against. We learned that Philadelphia had been known by two other names…Neocaesarea and Flavia after Roman Caesars. So when Jesus says to he who overcomes that Jesus “will write on him the name of God, and the name of the city of God and I will also write on him My new name” that meant something to them.

Bear with me…not sure if I can explain my thinking on this. But to me…it spoke of love and marriage and a deep abiding love…so much so that you want to be identified with and connected to the one you love…and have it known to all. And Jesus says that He will write it…a personal touch. Our Savior will write that name upon us.

You see…for as long as I remember I’ve wanted to be married. When I get married…and want to take and bear my husband’s last time. To be known as one. What a wonderful thing to do…bestow upon your bride your last name…and what a wonderful loving thing that bears witness to.

In the New Testament…the church is referred to as the “bride of Christ”. So having that new name bestowed upon us by our Savior Christ Jesus…seems such a rich extravagant love. He cares for us…and makes it known by giving us His name.

Well what’s in a name? A whole heck of a lot…especially when you read the Bible. The name of the people often described their character. So much so that when they had an encounter with God and He changed them…he gave them new name to reflect that change.

When we receive Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior…we take the name Christian. What we do is reflection on Him….for good or bad. When I grasp that…I realize that if I act unbecomingly…it reflects on Jesus. It makes me want to be cautions and bring glory to my Lord…not reproach. Bring glory to the One I love.

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The Day the Blogging Bug Bit!

Posted in Anniversary, Christian Blogging by

Today marks 2nd Blogging Anniversary…and what an adventure it’s been. Indeed it is a happy anniversary. From the first day…when my fingers first hit those keys…I was bit by the blogging bug. Any of you who blog…know just what I mean.

As a regular listener to the Hugh Hewitt radio show that’s where I first heard about this thing called blogging. The more he talked…the more intrigued I was. You see I’ve always loved to write…I got to thinking what an avenue this could be. It had been years since I had written a paper…all the way back to my college days…and many, many years since I had written poems. But oh do I love to write. Lets just say…I never lack for an opinion and like to think I’m pretty logical and well reasoned in my arguments. People may disagree with my conclusions…but they will at least understand what I believe and why.

Two years ago on May 15, 2005…I started my blog. My first article…was notes from a sermon by my beloved former Pastor Chuck Obremski. It was a sermon entitled “Living Life In Light of Eternity – Life in the Intermediate Heaven”…part of a series of messages that we affectionately call the “Heaven Series”.

2005 was a very emotional time…in large part because of the battle my beloved Pastor Chuck Obremski had been fighting with cancer. Just months after stepping out in faith and following the Lord’s leading to established Kindred Community Church, Chuck was diagnosed with cancer. It was kind of confusing because God was definitely leading our church and then our Pastor was stricken with cancer. But make no mistake…this was part of God’s plan. Why exactly…I don’t know. But I do know that He has used it in a mighty and powerful way to bring glory, honor and praise to Christ Jesus.

Through this time our congregation rode the “cancer coater”…the ups and downs…highs and lows that come with good reports and the bad news that another spot was found. Praise God…Chuck kept the faith…and never lost sight of his Savior Jesus Christ. As a result…he did some of the best preaching. Sermons that God continues to use in the lives of hurting people. He uses them to transform lives…and bring people to a saving faith in Jesus Christ.

A lot of what I wrote about back then…revolved around Chuck and faith and trusting God during impossible times. God allowed me to be ministered to through the gift of writing. I was able to work things out on paper. An electronic journal of sorts.

When I first started blogging I met, via the web, David Fisher at Pilgrim Scribblings. David knew Chuck from baseball chapel days. He was following Chuck’s battle from afar. I was googling Chuck’s name…and discovered David. He’ll always hold first place in my heart. Precious David…was a great comfort to me and was amazed to see the work that God was doing through Chuck’s ministry. Thank you dear David…indeed you are dear…and I’ll be eternally grateful to you. David is also a mentor. A godly Christian man…who always encourages others and brings glory to his Savior Christ Jesus.

Through David…I met other Christian bloggers. People…is what makes blogging so compelling. Through it…I’m able to meet like minded souls…and kindred spirits. People like my dear Terry at Canadian Blogger. Terry is the most thoughtful of souls…and is always leaving an encouraging note or e-mail for all her blogger buds. Then there’s Janna at “Bread Crumbs”. Janna probably doesn’t know this…but she too is a mentor in that she is mature in her faith…and walks a lovely humble Christian walk. She is knowledgeable on Christian doctrine…and always seeks to build up the body of Christ. There is Debra at “As I See It Now”. I find Debra’s site ever so intriguing. She writes about life…but is open and transparent and shares from the heart. She makes the ordinary seem extraordinary. She has a lovely spirit. There is BJ at “Friends Are a Gift”…and indeed they are. BJ has heart for God, her family and friends. Terry, Janna, Debra and BJ…you are indeed Proverbs 31 women. Those are just few of my blogger buds. Thank you each of you for enriching me and others who have discovered your most excellent work and the lovely people that you are. Thank you for sharing Christ through your work.

In the intervening years…I’ve written a lot…just recently hit the 500 mark. Of those 500 articles…I’ve had my favorites. Like the article on Robert Wiltfang…and the “dancing episode”. Who would have thunk it? Then there were a few articles that have had a lot of response. The article on Tookie Williams execution and my Christian response to Shirley Phelps-Roper on her hate filled speech. Some articles are just me working through the faith issues. All too often…I come out at the end of a failure or mishap…and I’m working through the process. Of all of my favorites…are the poems. They were God’s gift to me…to help heal emotions and hurt. They captured a moment in time.

When I’m in the writing grove…things just flow…and I have to get out of the way. When I’m in that mode…articles and poems seem to write themselves. I hate it when I have a dry spell…when I want to write…but have problems putting three words together to form a sentence. It seems like lately…I’ve wanted to write…but haven’t had the time. I find…if I don’t write when the inspiration strikes…I loose it or it’s flat. On occasion…I have a thought that is ruminating in my mind. After I’ve mulled it over for some time…I’m then able to write that piece in a thoughtful manner.

One of the highlights of this blogging adventure was attending the GodBlogCon 2006 at Biola. I even got to meet Hugh Hewitt and sat with him during desert as he table hopped in order to meet a lot of folks. In the above picture I’m in the audience watching and listening to Hugh do his live remote. Later that evening…Hugh headed a panel discussion on Christian blogging. It was wonderful. I only wished that David, Terry, Janna, Debra and BJ could have been there too.

I thank you Jesus…for giving me the love of writing…and for this avenue….and for my many blogger friends. I’m ever so glad I was bit by that blogging bug…just two years ago today.

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At the End of the Day…Inner Reflections

Posted in BSF, Struggle, Trusting God by

I don’t want my trust in God to be dependent upon my circumstances.

This years study with Bible Study Fellowship has been a struggle for me. I feel like I’m barely making it across the finish line. When I look back over the past year…in an attempt to figure out why this year was different…I see a lot of factors that influenced me. But if the truth be told…I may be using them as an excuse for something else…something from within me. That’s why my bedtime prayer will be asking God to help me clearly see and understand what within me held me back and caused me to struggle. To keep me from a full, no holds barred commitment to studying God’s word. More than that…to make a change…so that in the fall I’ll be on track as we study Matthew. To be obedient…even when my feelings haven’t caught up with my will.

I’ve loved BSF for years…I love the discipline of it. In fact…it spoils me for other Bible studies. I love the combination of studying, sharing, reading and lecture in our concentrated study of the Bible. But this year…not all my cylinders were firing. At times I found it all too easy to have a critical eye. I wonder how much I focused on what was wrong with something or someone else rather than examining the attitude of my heart. Has my love for Jesus waxed cold? Is it because I had my eyes on my circumstances and not my Lord?

In some respects…I think I’ve tried to get through very difficult and challenging circumstances based on my own power, will and might…rather than trusting in God and looking to Him and His word to see me through. Trusting God even when He allows painful circumstances in my life. I think that whole thing comes down trusting God. Instead…the Bible counsels me to lean not on my own understanding…in all my ways acknowledge Him and He will direct my path.

That may mean…it’s a path I didn’t want to walk down it. But I think I’m finding out…better to be on a path not of my own choosing…if Jesus is with me…than to be on my path solo.

I’ll tell you what…I don’t ever, ever want to have another wishy washy lackluster year of Bible study again.

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Doctor or Psychiatrist…which will it be?

Posted in Doctors, Thyroid by

“You are so lucky!” Those are the first words I heard from my sister Denise when I told her that the doctor said I have a thyroid problem. I was thinking “Hunh”. But then Denise proceeded to explain that if you have a thyroid problem…once it’s corrected you can loose weight easily. Well I guess I hadn’t thought of it exactly like that…but…well hey that doesn’t sound too bad.

For some time now…I’ve been feeling so bad. Positively wretched. So much so that I finally broke down and went to the doctor. Going to the doctor…is about as rare as going to the dentist use to be. That is until last year that is…then things changed.

But by now…even Stoic Susan had to admit…that perhaps a little visit to the doctor couldn’t hurt. Hey…it might even make things better. Well at least it’s worth a try. Brave little me scheduled my doctor’s appointment.

A couple of days after my appointment and blood tests, I got a call from my doctor’s office advising me to go back for further blood tests because it looked like I have problem with my thyroid. The second blood test was more detailed…and indeed confirmed that opinion.

After that…it was off to nuclear medicine for a “Thyroid Uptake Test”. Prior to this test…I had to make sure I wasn’t taking any supplements with iodine. Don’t know the ins and outs about it…but apparently iodine is a naughty no no…when you’re having that test.

The test involved swallowing a radioactive iodine capsule and then having the energy levels and thyroid uptake measured. The one machine was kind of funky. The technician positioned an instrument right above my knee and measured…who knows what. He then took another reading near my thyroid gland. That same night I went back for an additional scan. This one took longer…and despite being in uncomfortable positions for a ½ hour…I found myself dosing off during the scans. The following day…was a quick visit…that entailed the funky scan once again. All in all…painless and quick.

Then I waited. In the mean time…I had a referral to an Endocrinologist so I scheduled an appointment. Unlike the blood test results…these test result weren’t posted on line. On Friday I got a call from my doctor…advising me that the Thyroid Uptake Test confirmed that I have a thyroid problem called Graves disease…and now my care will be handled by the Endocrinologist.

Honest and truly…I was feeling so bad that if it wasn’t something physical…I was ready to go to a psychiatrist. I think I’ve known for a while that there was something wrong. Finally it got to the point where I was feeling so bad…I was thinking something seriously has to be wrong.

When the doctor said Graves disease…I was surprised because I thought my symptoms were more consistent with a hypothyroid…not hyper. But apparently that ain’t so. Who knew that one little gland could wreak so much havoc. Fatigue was probably symptom number one…then I’d say fuzzy head. I feel like I can’t think clearly like I’m in a fog. Then there were the things like dry eyes and anxiety and nervousness. I think the thing that finally put it over the top…the thing that scared me the most…was muscle weakness. To pick up a gallon bottle of water is hard. Not impossible…but difficult. I really have to concentrate to do it. That’s was inspired me to go to the doctor. I know I’m getting older…but nevertheless…there was something wrong.

I never knew the thyroid effected so many areas of the body. These days I think I know what a narcoleptic feels like. If I sit down for any length of time without being active…I can fall asleep. One day…I was working on a spreadsheet…importing data from one sheet into another…and in the middle of it I almost fell asleep. A quick walk around the hallways and a Coke and Snickers later…I was able to get through the day. I find I’m always tired…five hours of sleep or eight…it doesn’t matter… because I’m always tired.

I’ve come to find out that the fatigue stems from the fact that my heart is beating faster. Even at night while I’m resting…it’s going along lickety split. So I might be sleeping…but my body’s not resting. The other thing is it makes me feel anxious…like when you have an adrenaline rush from being scared. It’s kind of weird…because I feel that way most of the time. When I feel anxious all the time…it’s hard to know…when I should really feel anxious and when everything is actually A-okay.

Later this week…I’m off to visit the endocrinologist. I’m quite anxious (no pun intended) to see him. I can wait to be feeling better. Just to have a normal energy level…and not be so tired all the time. To be able to think clearly and not feel like I was just frightened. As of late…I’ve adopted some pretty bad habits…just to get though the day. Things like drinking a Coke and eating a Snickers…mid afternoon.

I’m hoping to soon be feeling better and be able to break some of those nasty habits I’ve developed to compensate for having no energy. I guess like the dentist thing…this year I’m going to get over my fear of doctors…one way or another.

I’ve got to say…I’ve been very impressed with Kaiser. I’ve had them before…and not been overly pleased. But time…Kaiser…gets a big thumbs up from this gal.

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Rudy the Rookie

Posted in Rudy by

While not a tiny little baby anymore Rudy is still a kitten…and learning about the ways of the world. Everyday is adventure for the little feller…and everything is a toy. Whether it be an actual kitty toy that gets lost under the refrigerator…a bottle cap that falls to the ground or an alarm clock that turns on and opens up when he sits on it…nothing escapes Rudy’s attention. Everything is game…in spite of protests by his mom.

Yesterday…was not only a day of adventure…but one that was a little scary for Rudy. You see he has a fascination with water. Doesn’t matter if it’s water in his drinking bowl…or water in the bath tub. Never seen this quirk in a kitty before…but Rudy loves to tap the water in his bowl…causing it to spill out. If it’s a good day…it just spills a little bit. When its time for a bubble bath…I can count on Rudy being right by my side. He loves to sit on the edge and peer in at the bubbles. Sometimes he can’t contain himself…and swipes at the bubbles. So far…he hasn’t fallen in despite some close calls. That is until yesterday.

Now I would have snapped some photos of Mr. Rudy after the shower incident…but because of my state of undress I resisted temptation. Not only does Rudy love bubble baths…but he’s quite fond of showers too. I can count on Rudy being at my side during my morning shower…as he sits on the edge of the tub. Only yesterday…he slipped. It took him a couple of seconds to realize that he was getting wet…as the shock of the water pouring over him finally dawned on him. Soon he realized he was wet and perhaps it wasn’t such a peachy keen idea to be in the bathtub with water touching him…he then jumped out right quick.

Honest and truly I did feel bad for the little feller…despite the laughter I could not restrain. Hey…I couldn’t help it. I was surprised that he let me dry him off with a towel so easily. No protest at all in fact…he was even thankful. If that had been Nathan or Moss…forget about it. Good intentions or not…there’s no way I could have done that with them. But Rudy seemed glad to be assisted in drying off. He has short, fine hair…and he dried quickly.

Well yesterday was Rudy’s day for surprises…because that afternoon he had another one awaiting him. It’s been hot here in southern California In the 90’s…which means it’s time to break out the fans. The fans in my bedroom and living room were keeping things cooled down. Since it was warm…I decided to turn on the ceiling fan in the kitchen as well…while Rudy was taking nap on the kitchen tile.

Since I brought Rudy home at the end of October till present…I hadn’t turned on the ceiling fan…so it was a whole new experience. As I later learned…not one that he appreciated.

While I was cleaning away in the hallway…little Rudy came dashing into the hall with hair raised and hisses coming out of his mouth. I looked to see if perhaps he had gotten into a scuffle with Moss or Nate…but no one was to be found. They were off trying to keep cool on this hot day. Rudy’s eyes were fixed on the ceiling fan as if the devil himself was turning it.

When I was able to get Rudy calmed down…I carried him in to the kitchen to get a better view of the fan. Safely tucked into him mom’s arms I guess it didn’t look so fierce after all. I think we had success when by evenings end…Rudy rested by the door taking in the cool air generated by the ceiling fan.

Everyday is an adventure for Rudy…and he usually generates a few laughs along the way. Daily…I’m ever so thankful that I brought him home that day I first saw him at Pet Smart…he’s been a true blessing indeed.

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What a Difference a Season Makes

Posted in Uncategorized by

Every couple of months I like to stop by the Fullerton Arboretum after church, stroll through the gardens and snap a few photos. One of my favorite views is peering through the trees at a bench that sits along a pathway. My, oh my…what a difference a season makes.

I took the above photo in February. The title that came to mind for this one is “Barely Beautiful”. It’s bare…but the colors are so rich and it’s very beautiful in its own right.

Today…spring flowers greeted me…as I happened upon my favorite scene. This time a gentleman rested on my bench. At first I was disappointed…because I just wanted to capture nature alone. But later when looking at the pictures…I think it capture the scene quite nicely. Perhaps I’m just envious…because he was doing that which I’ve wanted to do for oh, so very long. Rest…rest in the garden.

Because I’m on my way to see my mom…I don’t take that luxury. But one day…that will be me resting. Perhaps even reading a book and sipping on some ice tea as I enjoy the flowers, butterflies and birds…in this little slide of heaven.

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Walk the Talk

Posted in Faith, Forgiveness, Trust by
There once was a time,
When I trusted you,
Took you at your word.

But that was before,
Circumstances and trials revealed,
That this time you didn’t walk the talk.


Respect was once earned,
Your character seemed proven and true,
Then a whirlwind disrupted my faith.


Did I expect too much?
Did I measure this man…
Against an impossible standard?


How do I move beyond doubt?
Once again trust,
One not perfect, but oh so very good?


How do I work my way back?
How do I restore my trust,
In a man that is very human…flawed?


Forgiveness is the order of the day,
My first step,
Walking in the path of Christ’s love.


by Susan Bunts 4/28/07

4/25/07 At the End of the Day…Supernatural Living

Posted in Enemies, Prayer by

There is something quite powerful when we do good and pray for our enemies. That transformation in our character bears witness to the person of Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit working within us.

By prayer…I’m not talking about prayers that God might smite them for their wrongdoing…or bring justice. But instead actually praying for them. There is nothing that will turn your heart around quicker…and strengthen you in difficult situations than praying for your enemies.

Absolutely…first and foremost is praying for their salvation. In doing so…you may take an enemy and end up with a brother or sister in Christ. If they know Christ…but their walk is a little wobbly…and they aren’t exactly displaying the fruits of the spirit…pray that God will draw them close and that their relationship will Christ Jesus will grow deeper and that He will do a tremendous work in their lives.

I’ve experienced first hand the power and work that God does in relationships when we pray for our enemies. Transforming one whom I once despised into a friend. When we care for another by carrying their burdens in prayer to the Lord…we are being transformed. When we are transformed by a work of God in our lives…relationships will be changed.

Who do I dread seeing because I find them difficult, demanding and draining? Who do I avoid seeing or talking to because of an offense that left wounds that are still mending? Do I feel satisfaction…when someone gets their comeuppance?

Whom do I need to pray for today?

I am ever so glad that God didn’t give me the justice I deserved for my wrongdoing. I’m grateful for God’s mercy and grace? How can I extend that to another and whom?

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A Time to Grieve

Posted in Hugh Hewitt, Media, Murder, Uncategorized, Virgina Tech by

I can scarcely take in and process all of the events from last week’s shooting at Virginia Tech. I was on the phone with Robert and he asked if I had heard about the shootings. I had not since I leave for work early in the morning. While Robert was describing the story I clicked over to Fox News and was greeted with a photo of a young man’s bloodied and broken body being carried across school grounds by police.

Later when I arrived home…I turned on the news and tried to comprehend how one psychopath could murder 32 people in such a cold blooded, vicious manner. I was stunned by the murders and shocked at how the media in such a few short hours was already going down a path of blame. Not blaming the murderer…but the police because they didn’t correctly identify that the first two murders was the work of a psychopath bent on killing many more people within a couple of hours.

Front and center was Geraldo Rivera in his belligerent manner leading the pack of finger pointers. Not taking the time to think through what the police encountered on the first murder scene and what the appropriate actions should have been. Think of it…Virginia Tech has over 25,000 people. For them shut down the campus on what first appeared to the murder of 2 people in a possible domestic situation…that doesn’t make a lot of sense. Would a small town come to a stand still in that situation? No…the murder scene would be secured and police would follow up on leads and try to apprehend the murderer. This is exactly what they did in this instance.

I’m sure for the rest of their lives the police and college officials will think “if only”. They will regret their actions, with the clarity that only hindsight provides.

Something that struck me as particularly odd was when the school announced just hours after the shootings that they would have a ceremony the next day to start the healing process. The bodies weren’t even cold, some remained in the rooms where they died, and parents hadn’t yet been notified on the death of their child. And here people were talking about healing. These students and professors are dead…and we wanted to rush past our grief and heal.

One person was interviewed and made the comment that he wanted to forget about this day and go on with his life. Little did he know…he will never forget that day…till the day he dies it will be forever etched in his mind. I’d be willing to bet there will not be a day that goes by that he doesn’t remember it. You know what…that’s not a bad thing. It’s important to remember good people. Especially when those people’s lives where tragically cut short. Not by a natural disaster, nor an accident, but a purposeful, deliberate, taking of an innocent human life.

The place that had the best news and commentary on these horrible murders was the Hugh Hewitt show. He had the proper mix of focusing on the people who were murdered, examining the murderer and the media’s actions. He didn’t let the nut case, wacko conspiracy people talk. Hugh didn’t avoid talking about the murderer, but sought to bring understanding on what drove the young man to such heinous actions. Hugh struck a perfect pitch.

As ramped up as the media was from the get go…it paled in comparison to the circus that ensued after NBC released photos, videos and audio of the ranting and raving psychopath. His hatred that he used to justify his unconscionable actions was broadcast across TV and radio all over America and the world.

What in the world? Why would you ever, ever grant the last wishes of a murderer? NBC gave this sick soul the fame and voice that he wanted. The same network that fired Don Imus the prior week for his verbal assault on a girl’s college basketball team. But this time they didn’t bat an eye when they chose to assault the American public with hatred from the murderer. I can assure you…NBC will not be part of my TV viewing habits…now or in the future.

Instead of giving a murderer what he desires…how about we don’t give his name out. No video or pictures go over the airwaves. Hugh put forth the idea that instead…NBC should have typed up his statements and released it to the media. Not quite as melodramatic as watching the murderer put forth his manifesto…in person, after the fact. The video seemed strikingly familiar…and bore a resemblance to the videos made by Muslim terrorists left to be viewed after an act of terrorism in which they die.

Not only was the murderer unconscionable…but NBC was as well when they unleashed his verbal and emotional assault on the victims, parents, family, friends and the American public.

Tell me…do you think the next psychopath will be more likely to act after seeing the success of this murderer? Do you think he will want to outdo this act with something ever more horrific and spectacular?

So where exactly should our focus be? It should be on the victims. Those who were murdered and those who survived. We need to be telling tales of heroism in the midst of terror. Contrast the good, decent lives of those who were lost to the pathetic and horrific choices and life of the murderer.

The one story that takes my breath away and brings a tear to my eye is Professor Librescu who without a thought for his own safety blocked the doorway so his students could escape. He was shot five times…and died a hero. This man understood true evil from early on as he escaped the Nazi Holocaust. He didn’t hesitate to stand up in the face of evil even when it cost him his life. As a caller stated on Hugh’s show…contrast Mr. Librescu’s life with that of the murderer. Bless you Mr. Librescu…may your story be told again and again. That’s the kind of stories we need to hear about.

The New York Times…has set up a wonderful memorial to the victims at Virginia Tech. Please take the time to learn a bit about these precious souls whose lives were cut short.

We shouldn’t rush on without allowing time for grieving and even angry. Both can be healthy. Hugh read a post from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader…a comment in response to an article “Best Advice on How to Comfort a Grieving Parent”. I encourage you to read the post and this most eloquent advice from a parent who has suffered the unimaginable loss of a child. I can assure you…you will be richer for the reading. At some point in our lives…we are all in the position of having to offer comfort or receive it on the loss of a loved one.

So what do we do with this murderer? Yes we should study his life and learn what went wrong. Examine to see is there anything that could have changed the course of this young man’s life. It’s odd…but when you look at his high school picture…he looks like a sweet kid. But inside was a seething murderer in the making.

Lastly…I can’t even imagine what his parents must be feeling. How would you ever begin to cope with the knowledge that your child was responsible for the intentional and vicious murder of 32 people.

As such times we may ask why would God allow such evil? Where was God when these people were murdered? Why didn’t He do anything to stop it? The truth is we’ll never know those answers this side of heaven. To get through such times…we need to take our grief, anger, hurt and pain…pain that goes to the depths of our soul…over to God. Give it over to Him, let the Lord carry our burdens…even when we don’t understand why. Secondly…we can pray. Pray, pray, pray for the dear families who lost their child and now bear unimaginable pain. Pray that Jesus will comfort them, sustain them, uphold them and pour out His love upon them.

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Fading Away

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When I brought Daisy home from the Animal Shelter I just thought I was bringing home my newest pet. Little did I know what surprise God had in store.

I thought Daisy was like the malnourished children in Africa with big bellies. Within a couple of weeks…I suspected that Daisy’s tummy was getting bigger…not from food…but from babies growing within. Each night I would hold her in my lap and rub her tummy and feel the babies moving.

Weeks later on Father Day 2001, Daisy gave birth. She had four kittens, Joseph Hoke, Nathan, Moss, and Laura Kitten. Little Joseph Hoke only lived a day or two. But his brothers and sister grew and thrived.

I knew I couldn’t keep all of the kittens…so my mom agreed to take Laura Kitten. I anticipated at some point giving Nathan and Moss away. But before long….I couldn’t part with them. Laura Kitten was at tortishell tabby. But Nathan and Moss were mostly black…with a little white. I held each of the kittens…seconds after they were born and treasured each day watching them grow.

There was always something special about Nathan…Nathaniel. His right hand looks like it has a glove on it…white covered by black. Daisy loved both of the kittens…but she wasn’t the most maternal of mothers. Nathan and Moss nursed long after they should have been weaned. But something changed in Daisy after I had her spade. She couldn’t stand to have those boys near her. She had what I referred to as permanent PMS.

I took the boys in together to have the “snip, snip” operation. Mossy was a fraidy-cat and terrified when we went to the vet’s office. When Nathan and Moss were ready to come home after the big operation…my friend Dawn went to pick them up. Both were so small that they were able to share a carrier. Dawn wanting to make sure they were okay opened the box and peeked in. It scared Moss to death and Moss proceeded to pee all over his brother Nathan.

From the moment they came home…Daisy hated them. Any time one of them would pass by they would be met with growling and a swipe of the claws. Nathan was protective of his brother Moss. If Daisy got too out of hand with Moss…Nate would go and swat her right upside the head.

Nathan is as smart as a whip. He had this simple little toy called the “Cat Dancer” that was his very favorite toy. He would run himself ragged in pursuit of this toy. I would have to hide it on the top shelf of the linen closet. Nathan kept a watchful eye on this toy…and found a way to get it. He would open the bottom closet doors and jump on the top shelf. From there he would lean out and open the top closet doors with this nose. From there he would maneuver his way shelf upon shelf until he reached his toy in triumph.

Nate loved to play. Even something mundane like putting away groceries became an adventure. Nate would love to dive from the dinning room table into an empty shopping that I held below. I would then swing the bag with Nate in tow. We played that game until he got too big for the grocery bags to hold him.

Nathan and Moss have always been indoor kitties. But that didn’t stop them from wanting to be outdoors…even if that meant sitting on the patio. That is…until the balcony incident.

One day as I was relaxing on the patio…Nathan came tearing through the house and onto the patio. He went to leap on the ledge…but overshot it. I think both Nathan and I realized he was going down. It was like one of those slow mo cartoons…Nathan and I were face to face…I tried to reach out and grab Nate…but down he went.

Before he reached the ground…I was out the door and down to the patio area below to rescue Nate. Now keep in mind…Nate had been an indoor kitty and dirt had never touched his body. But here he was…dazed, dirty and hurting from his fall. I picked him up and gave him the biggest hug…and Nate peed all over me. That was one accident that I didn’t mind…nothing that a little bath wouldn’t take care of.

Well here we are almost sixteen years later…and my precious Nathan is fading away. But I’m grateful for each day.

In October on the last day of the GodBlogCon I stopped by PetSmart to do my regular shopping. When I walked in the door…they were having a pet adoption day. For sometime now…I’ve wanted to get an orange kitten. Don’t ask me why…I wanted him to be orange. In the first cage I found a little orange kitten about 9 weeks old. A boy. I asked to hold him. From the first second I held him…he won my heart. The boy purrs up a storm…and quit loudly I might add. I named him Rudy…and we were on our way home to meet Nathan and Moss.

As I brought Rudy home and opened the door to the carrier…Nathan and Moss ran for the hills. They thought Satan incarnate had entered our home. They hid from Rudy for a couple of days….and when they finally realized that Rudy was here to stay…the made peace with him.

Shortly thereafter Nathan got very, very sick. He was in the hospital for over a week. He wouldn’t eat and couldn’t keep anything down. I prayed that Nathan would be well again…but realized that I may have to have him put to sleep. I set a date certain when I would make that tough decision. But miracle of miracles…Nathan made a turn around. The day I was going to have him put to sleep was the day I was able to bring him home.

Nathan came home with thyroid medicine which I have to give him twice a day. It’s bought me more time with my precious friend…and I’m grateful for each day. Yet…I find him fading away…and one day soon will have to have Nate put to sleep. He has not only lost weight…but muscle mass too. My once 15 pound plus pound kitty…is very small these days.

For a while…I wasn’t sure if I should have brought Rudy home. But one night I realized that yes…it was a good decision. Nathan and Rudy were sitting on the end of the bed…and Rudy gave Nathan a bath. Nathan was content and purring. He raised his head so Rudy could lick his neck and chin. Nathan hadn’t had that kind of love since he was a kitten, cared for by his mama.

In the mean time…little Rudy…who is not so little anymore…gives Nathan and Moss a run for the money. Talk about trying your patience. These almost 16 year old cats…are not always amused by the antics of a 7 month old kitten. But all in all…they are doing quite well.

I’m not sure if he’ll make his 16th birthday. But I am most grateful for each day I have with my precious Nathan.

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He Is Risen…He Is Risen Indeed

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Low in the Grave He Arose

Low in the grave He lay, Jesus my Savior,

Waiting the coming day, Jesus my Lord!

Refrain

Up from the grave He arose,

With a mighty triumph o’er His foes,

He arose a Victor from the dark domain,

And He lives forever, with His saints to reign.

He arose! He arose!

Hallelujah! Christ arose!

Vainly they watch His bed, Jesus my Savior;
Vainly they seal the dead, Jesus my Lord!

Refrain

Up from the grave He arose,

With a mighty triumph o’er His foes,

He arose a Victor from the dark domain,

And He lives forever, with His saints to reign.

He arose! He arose!

Hallelujah! Christ arose!

Death cannot keep its Prey, Jesus my Savior;

He tore the bars away, Jesus my Lord!

Refrain

Up from the grave He arose,

With a mighty triumph o’er His foes,

He arose a Victor from the dark domain,

And He lives forever, with His saints to reign.

He arose! He arose!

Hallelujah! Christ arose!

Words and Music by Robert Lowry

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At the End of the Day…Convicted

Posted in At the End of the Day by


As I was driving to Bible study tonight…little did I know that God had prepared a message for me. As Dave Dunn was teaching out of the book of Revelation, chapter 2…I found myself very aware that this message was directed to me. I felt that good old conviction of the Holy Spirit…tugging at my heart and saying, “Listen up girl…time to remember and repent.”

“1“To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: 2I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. 4Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. 5Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. 6But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. 7He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.” – Revelation 2:1-7

If you were to watch my life from afar…you probably wouldn’t think that I had forsaken my love for Jesus. After all I’m in church every Sunday and attend Bible studies each week. With the number of years in Bible study…I’m pretty well grounded in the Bible. I can spot false doctrine and can usually mount a defense or offence when I feel it necessary. My car stereo usually has a sermon coming from the speakers as I work my way though CD albums. If not a sermon…then you’ll likely hear worship music cranked up loudly…as I drive by. If you were to examine my book purchases and DVD’s you would find material that is in keeping with my Christian faith. Sermons, music, books and movies meant to build me up in the faith. Keep me rooted and ground in the word of God. And indeed it does.

However…as Dave taught tonight…I found I have forsaken my love for my Savior Jesus Christ in the midst of all my pursuits. Without Jesus…it’s all for naught…whether it looks good or not.

The church of Ephesus had a solid background…with great leaders and solid teaching. With the likes of Paul, John, Timothy, Priscilla and Aquilla, Apollos, Onesiphorus and Tychius…how could they go wrong? I guess they struggled with the same things that I do today. They left their first love and exchanged it for a theology that became mechanical. Church was routine…and they stopped walking in love. They lost sight of the person of Jesus Christ. They opted to be purpose driven, not Person driven. Jesus became secondary to them. And I’m afraid to admit…He has to me too.

But thankfully my Savior is the Good Shepherd…and He walks among His flocks…tending them and protecting them. He is holding out His staff and stopping this little lamb from straying in thicket where untold danger lurks. He calls me and tells me that I need to remember. Remember where I came from and that I’m only here because He chose me. Not out of my worth or good works. I must call out to my Savior and confess that I have forsaken my first love. I must repent…and indeed I do.

Coming from a household where the words of “I love you” were not uttered and hugs and kisses were few and far between…if not non existent…I struggle with that thing called love. At times…I wonder if I truly know what it means. That struggle…impacts my ability to know or feel the love of God. Recently I posted some scripture verses talking about the love of God for each us. I think I need to read that daily.

Jesus knows my frame…He knows I am but dust and weak. I cry out to Him and ask Him to “Take me back, take me back to where I first believed.”…as the Andrae Crouch song says.

The Bible tells us that nothing is impossible with God. So that gap that seems impossible for me to bridge is not only possible for God…but it is certain. For He is faithful.

So it is my prayer…that God will do whatever He has to do…to help me know the heights and depths of His love for me…and that I might love Him in return. That I might walk in love toward others.

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