Though He Slay Me

Posted in Anger, Believing God, Faith, Trusting God by


The problem with corresponding with a blogger is that you may be inspiring another post. Indeed your questions are thought provoking and something I’m well acquainted with.

You say that you’ve never met anyone else who has struggled with being angry or mad at God. Dare I say…I’d be willing to bet you have. It’s just that most folks aren’t too keen on admitting or acknowledging that they have ever been mad at God. People love to share that they love God and are seeking to know Him better and to read His word…but not too many folks are willing to raise their hand and say, “I’m angry at God”.

I pray my response can offer you some hope as you work through your anger and draw close to the Lord.

For so long I was angry at God because my life has not turned out at all like I wanted it to. I wasn’t asking for great wealth or to be famous. I was asking for love…to be married…and once upon a time I even dreamed about having children.

God’s word assures us that nothing is too hard for God. That He is more than able to handle all that concerns us…with ease. The Bible tells us that God is good and that He has compassion upon those whom He loves. So I prayed and prayed and prayed for years. I can’t tell you dark times and tears I’ve struggled with. Yet God remained silent on this.

I think I finally came to a breaking point. A crisis in my faith. Was I going to believe God and who He says He is…despite my circumstances? Or was I going to be at the mercy of my circumstances and let them dictate how I feel? Feel about God…and people and me?

That’s when the Holy Spirit started to challenge me. He brought scripture to mind. Was I going to really believe what I said I believed? If so…would that change how I act, think and feel?

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9

If a human being has the ability to do good…to help someone but fails to do so…that would reflect poorly on their character. Especially if they had the ability to bring relief from great suffering and pain but refused to do so. More than uncaring, such a person would considered wicked or evil. To see hurt and have the ability to help…but refuse to. That’s hard to understand how someone can do that, isn’t it.

But God…is not like man. God is not so much interested in our happiness or comfort as much as He’s interested in our character…in our heart. In bringing us to a saving faith in Jesus Christ. Into growing into the image and likeness of Christ. His interests are in the eternal…not so much the temporary.

He’s all knowing. He knows that good can come from bad circumstances, pain and suffering. If you’ve ever had a painful time in your life but come out of it growing closer to the Lord or wiser or kinder and more caring…you know first hand that good can come out of bad. Now multiple times infinity and you have God…who knows all things. He sees our past, present and future all at once. He knows the eventual outcome of what we are going through. He knows it’s impact on us and others.

His aim, His focus is on eternity…not this brief time we have here on earth. In the scheme of eternity…time here on earth is a flash.

What we will gain in eternity…so outweighs what we go through here on earth. It doesn’t seem like that now…because this is all we’ve experienced. It can seem like everything. But it’s not.

One of the best illustrations that I’ve ever heard on us not understanding why God allows pain in our lives was a story told by Dr. James Dobson. He told of his son Ryan having an ear infection. He wife Shirley had taken Ryan to the doctor. But Shirley came to get Dr. Dobson because the doctor asked the impossible…to hold little Ryan down while he dug in his ear to get the infection out. Shirley couldn’t do it. But Dr. Dobson did. He held him in place for the doctor to go in and remove that infection. Ryan was in excruciating pain and he didn’t understand why his daddy, not only wouldn’t help him…but held him down while someone else caused him great pain. He said he hardest part was Ryan looking into his eyes from a mirror…pleading with him to help him. Dr. Dobson was helping him…but Ryan didn’t have the ability to understand it at the time.

That description by Dr. Dobson…was so apt…perfectly descriptive on what it feels like to be going through pain that God will not stop, nor will He explain.

It doesn’t make any sense to me…in my finite knowledge and understanding. I don’t like it…but I have a choice. I can choose to believe God and trust Him to be working out for good what I’m going through. For a lasting gain.

Or I can choose to be angry at God. Disappointed. Not trust Him. Fight Him and His plan.

It’s not easy to say, “Thy will be done.” Especially when we don’t know what will happen or what God will do in our circumstances. When we see others prosper or get away with evil with no consequences. But it’s helpful and encouraging to remind myself that their gain is temporary. My gain is simply delayed. Their gain is for the here and now…mine is in eternity. Even if I live to be 100 years old and suffer…what’ s 100 years compared to eternity?

To say, “Thy will be done”, requires trust. To trust someone, I must know His character, His intent, His purposes and His plan. To know God…I must read His word…where He has plainly revealed Himself. But at the same it’s so rich we can spend a lifetime studying the Bible, never be board or come the end.

So bottom line…how did I get over being angry at God? I had to decide….will I believe God and His word…or will I believe my circumstances and feelings?

I would encourage you to deal with your anger and let it go now. Don’t let pain and circumstances take the joy out of your life today and hope from tomorrow.

God is good…but He does allow bad and pain and hurt to go on in our lives. Sometimes He reveals why…sometimes we have to wait for heaven to understand.

Most importantly when I was angry…when I did not trust God…when I chose to be bitter and resentful…I was believing the lies of the enemy. He’s so subtle…that it’s easy to miss who is behind those feelings. It’s Satan up to his old tricks…casting doubt on God and His word. Just as he said to Eve, he says to us, “Did God really say…?”

Pray and don’t fall prey to the schemes of the enemy.

Lord’s blessings to you. I pray that God will help you to give up or work through your anger…and learn to fully trust Him.

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Dead in My Sin

Posted in Blinded, Compromised Gosepl, Dead in my Sins, Deceived, Hell, Jesus Christ, New Age, One Way, Salvation, Satan, Sin by

Once upon a day I was dead in my sin,
Happy and content,
Most certain that all roads lead to God.

Raised in a home
Where the name of Christ,
A curse word uttered by father.

No Bible was found,
No prayers were uttered,
Sunday…time for leisure…no time for church.

Something inside me was stirred,
A longing, a desire,
For faith that others had.

Misguided,
Down wrong path,
Left to my own devises.

Witchcraft seemed so attractive,
So innocently portrayed,
By a sitcom that left me “Bewitched”.

Latchkey and alone,
The world of vampires,
Transported me to “Dark Shadows”.

Unbeknownst to me,
I was firmly on the path,
To hell and eternal separation from God.

Astrology,
So appealing,
Could I really find my way by looking to the stars?

Palm reading,
They promised,
The lines in my hand could reveal my future.

An Ouija board,
Contact with entities,
That could lead me to the other side.

Little did I know,
Of the world,
That would bid me to enter.

Disguised as angel of light,
Satan desired,
That I would share his same fate.

So seemingly innocuous,
A phrase from a movie,
“May the force be with you.”

Oh…but it was more than that.
New age philosophy,
Available at ever turn.

Edgar Casey,
The diaries of Seth,
I even found religion in a “new age church”.

There, no sin was acknowledge,
No Savior was needed,
The cross not necessary to pay the penalty for my sins.

After all, there was reincarnation,
I could advance on my own,
Until I could become one with an all loving god.

But God had a different plan.
From before the foundations of the world,
I was predestined for salvation.

While darkness threatened to overtake me,
Seal my fate for eternity,
God was going to take me from darkness to light.

Surrounded by Christians at every turn,
Forever talking about their Jesus,
Speaking truth from their Holy Bible.

How narrow minded they seemed,
They talked about One Way to salvation,
Through Jesus Christ, their Lord.

Our works could never be good enough,
Our righteousness was as filthy rags,
A sinner, born separated from God.

But Jesus Christ came,
Fully God and fully man,
He bore the penalty for my sin and was nailed to the cross.

He died,
Was buried for three days,
Then…He arose victorious, triumphant from the grave.

God is the One Who was offended,
Set the penalty…a heavy price for my sin,
Death.

He then provided the Way,
Jesus Christ…One with the Father,
Set His glory aside…and He willingly paid the price.

When Scripture was uttered,
The Holy Spirit bore witness,
Enable me, who was dead in my sin, to be alive in Christ.

I must agree with God, repent of my sin,
Believe in my heart, confess with my mouth,
That Jesus Christ is Lord.

At that moment,
I was snatched from hell to heaven,
Eternally secure, kept by my Father.

My salvation is secure,
My fate is certain,
I am saved, by grace, through faith in Jesus Christ my Lord.

By Susan Bunts
February 12, 2008

As one who was dead in my sin…and tried to find my way to God, anyway except through Jesus Christ…I can testify that I was saved by grace, not of my own works, but by God’s grace. He asks that I believe Him and confess Jesus Christ as Lord.

I was on the path to hell. I believed the lies of the enemy for so long. I was ready to follow any path where I could earn my way to heaven, based on my good works. Have God on my own terms…and have Him be my “big genie in the sky” and answer my every wish. I was blinded…self blinded…and deceived by the enemy…the hater of my soul. Make no mistake he is real and he knows his future is certain. He wants to take as many people to hell with him. He’ll give you whatever he can to keep you satisfied where you are at.

I was walking on the edge of hell. A precipice…and if I slipped I would have been there for eternity. A place where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth and unimaginable and unending suffering. Do you ever feel alone here on earth? Well that won’t hold candle to the aloneness you will feel in hell…and there will be no end.

There is One Way to salvation…and that’s through faith in Jesus Christ. God’s One and Only Prescription and His acceptable sacrifice for our sins.

That why I get sick and want to vomit when I hear pastors soft sell the Gospel message…or worse say that all roads lead to God. Those pastors who want to entertain and capture the “seekers” rather than build up the body of Christ by teaching the uncompromising Word of God.

The lies of enemy are abounding in this world. Prominent, well respected people are deceived and spreading lies and denying Christ. Oprah Winfrey is promoting “A Course in Miracles” which denies Jesus Christ is God incarnate and the only way to salvation. If the Bible is true…then “A Course in Miracle” is nothing but a lie from the pit of hell. An effective instrument used by Satan to take more people to hell with him.

Which are you going to believe?.

Pastors…are you going to teach the Word of God and equip your people to know the truth of the Word of God so that they can recognize the lies of the enemy even when it’s cleverly and attractively packaged?

“In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” – 2 Timothy 4:1-3

Beth Moore says that her salvation is scandalous. My salvation…is miraculous.

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Fighting Faith

Posted in Bible, Faith, Sword of the Spirit by

The enemy seeks division,
Between me and my God,
He prods me to ask why,
Instead of trust and obey.

This trial will tell,
My faith, is it genuine and true?
Solid…unwavering…standing firm,
On the holy Word of God?

Will I permit circumstances to be my focus?
Give in…fall prey?
Believe him who was declared a liar from the beginning?
Or rise up…put on…the full armor of God?

The weapon supplied by my Father above,
When my mind is steeped in Scripture,
It’s then I might effectively wield,
The mighty Sword of the Spirit.

By Susan Bunts
February 11, 2008

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Seeds of Doubt

Posted in Forgiveness, Hurt, poem by

Seeds of doubt,
So skillfully sown,
In the fertile ground.
Of a wound heart.


Forgiveness the healing balm,
To recondition the soil of my heart,
Then no weeds, thorns or thistles can grow,
From seeds of hurt, anger and bitterness.


By Susan Bunts
February 11, 2008

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The Sanctified Tongue

Posted in Gossip, poem, Salvation, sanctification, slander, unbeliever by

Oh dear one,
Your testimony tells me,
You were saved,
Oh so many years ago.

But you cause me to wonder,
Has that salvation,
Worked it way,
To your tongue?

Gossip and slander,
So easily uttered,
About a fellow believer,
One considered a brother or sister in Christ.

Then tell me, please do,
What difference is there,
Between us and the unbeliever?
Dear Lord, what must they think?

Most certainly,
We are not perfect,
And will never be,
This side of eternity,

Yet, are we not washed,
In the same blood of the Lamb?
Did the nails not pierce His hands,
For your sin and mine?

We have been saved,
To the uttermost,
Through and through,
Dear Lord, now please sanctify our lips.

May our salvation,
Work its way,
From our heart to our tongue,
And now bring for praise for Christ Jesus our Lord.

by Susan Bunts
February 3, 2008

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Backwards Faith

Posted in Faith, Prayer, Sinking Faith, Trusting God, Uncategorized, Water Walking Faith by

“No sweetie, you’ve got that backwards. You need to believe first, then receive. Instead you want to receive the answer to your prayer…and then you will believe that I AM and that I care for you and answer your prayers. It doesn’t work like that Susan. That takes no faith all…and requires no effort.”

“Yes Lord…You are right”, I responded as I pulled in to my driveway coming home Bible study.

I’m not sure if God used tonight’s lesson in Matthew 14 to continue to challenge my lack of faith? Or maybe it was the ongoing study in Luke I’ve been listening to in my drive time? Perhaps it was my response to a friend that weighed heavy on my mind when I was asked, “Why don’t you give your loneliness over to God?”

I think I’m kind of like Peter…my favorite apostle. Who when Jesus bid him to step out of the boat and walk on the water…he ventured out in faith. Peter took a few steps and was doing fine as long as his eyes were on the Lord. But when he looked around, beheld the stormy sea surrounding him and felt the boisterous wind…that’s what grabbed his attention. It was no longer his Lord standing before him and telling him to “Come”. Instead he realized that he was but a man and unable to walk on water…and then he began to sink. Peter started out enthusiastically. Hey…the other disciples just sat in the boat. They didn’t ask if they could walk on water…instead they chose the safety and comfort of the boat. Peter actually stepped out of the boat. But his enthusiastic, impulsive faith soon turned to sinking faith.

Likewise when I get my eyes off the Lord, who He is and what He can do…then my faith sinks to the bottom of the stormy sea like a dead weight….taking me right along with it.

But if I could have the faith…that emboldens me to step out and believe that I could walk on water when my Lord bids me to come. Oh to have a growing faith that takes one who denies his Lord when confronted by a little girl…to one who willingly died rather than renounce his faith in Christ Jesus our Lord. To have such faith that believes the words, “Thou art the Christ, the Son of the Living God”.

Oh God…there is hope for me yet. I don’t have to tell You that I struggle to believe. But I’m tired of the enemy snatching away the seeds and fruit of my faith. God…I know that You are able to accomplish what concerns me today. That You are able to do abundantly more than I ask or imagine. I know that You are faithful when I am faithless. Jesus…I need You to give me faith…the faith to believe You and trust You. To trust You even when all I can see is the storm. When just around the corner there is a rainbow and the sun is peaking through the clouds…but I can’t see that yet from my perspective. You alone know the depths of my despair…and my hurting heart. You know my prayers uttered in the solitude and darkness. I know that You can answer my prayer. When I look back on my life…I can see clearly Your hand acting on my behalf. But Jesus…I can’t take this one across the goal line without You. So not only am I asking You to answer my long awaited prayer…but I’m asking You to give me the faith to believe. To walk with me in the dark times and rebuke the lies of the enemy with truth from Your Word. Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. That’s me Lord. Your word tells me to keep asking, keep seeking and keeping knocking and then I will receive. Jesus…You hear that annoying knocking…that’s me. I can’t wait until You answer. Jesus…I’m asking You to exchange my sinking faith…for faith that walks on water.

At times…it seems like I see God or a message from God in just about everything. The other day when driving to work…I saw the most magical rainbow. At first all I could see was the top of the arch. But as I drove closer…I could see the end of the rainbow. It was so close…I felt like I could drive right to it. Instead I reached for my camera phone to try and capture a photo so I would not forget. Then the light changed to green…and I had to go. As I drove into the rain and clouds the rainbow and sun disappeared. I felt as if God was saying to me, “Susan…you need to remember this. The rainbow and sun are just back there. It’s still there…you just can’t see it.” Did I believe that? Absolutely. I’ve just got to do the same when it comes to faith and trusting God for what I can’t yet see.

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The Hard Truth

Posted in Gospel Message, Salvation by

When I heard, “Who am I to stand in judgment?” I found those words to bring a false comfort. The person who uttered that statement spoke of a family member who lived a good decent life and cared for others by their words and actions, yet failed to accept God’s only way of salvation through Jesus Christ our Lord.

In saying that’s a false comfort…I know whereof I speak. My dad, Frank, died when I was ten years old. He rejected God all his life. I don’t even think there was a Bible in our home. We didn’t go to church, even on the big holidays like Christmas and Easter. We didn’t pray at meal time or when needs arose. “Jesus Christ” was not his Savior…but instead a familiar curse word.

My dad died within a matter of weeks of being diagnosed with lung cancer. He was sick and whisked away to a hospital in the distant city of Phoenix.. I was shipped off to stay with friends. My mom never told me that my dad was dying and I never saw him again. I never got a chance to tell him goodbye or I love you. I never got to hear those words from him.

I don’t know in those last weeks if my dad grew bitter, angry and rejected God? Or if someone was faithful to share the Gospel message and tell him about Jesus Christ and that his sins could be forgiven. Is it possible that he accepted Christ in his last days? Yes…I might see him in heaven one day. But I never want to delude myself that he is in heaven. My dad lived a life rejecting God and His plan of salvation.

If I think “who am I to judge”…I’m afraid that I will get complacent about sharing the Gospel.

Will I be tempted to be silent about Jesus when I’m in the presence of someone who is kind and decent and does many good works? Will I seek to keep peace and not make waves with those who seek to earn their way to heaven by their good works? Or what about that person who is seemingly seeking God…and thinks that one day perhaps they too can become a god if they are good enough? Will I rest on my laurels and console myself with the thought that at least they are seeking God….after all don’t all paths lead to God?

In fact all paths do lead to God…but not all paths lead to heaven. The Lamb’s Book of Life will one day be opened. One day every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ Lord. But only those who bow that knee this side of heaven will be saved.

When I encounter someone who hasn’t accepted Christ…will I be content with the thought, “Who am I to judge?” Or will I risk rejection and ire when I share that salvation is found in no other name under heaven than Jesus Christ, our Lord?

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Dependable Faith…Tried, Tested & True

Posted in Believe God, Beth Moore, Faith, Kindred Community Church, Mike Paddison, Pastor Chuck Obremski, Trusting God by


At times the topic of faith seems like the subject du jour. If I’m not in the middle of a crisis…I’m analyzing the last one I went through…examining my successes and failures. Sometimes it feels like for every time I get it right…trust God and believe Him in faith…I falter and fail twice as much.

At times I feel that my faith walk with God should in reality be called my faith wrestle with God. I feel like such a faith failure and wonder why God ever bothered to choose me. A Christian having failure of faith…probably isn’t the best witness to an unbelieving world. But I found reassurance when I heard Beth Moore say that when you wrestle with someone…it’s up close and personal. You are right there with them.

So while my wrestling may not be pretty….it’s real and honest. Maybe the best thing to take away from it…I’m still there wrestling…I’m hanging in and hanging on. Hanging on to Jesus.

In the past couple of days…I recorded some random thoughts about faith…and trusting God. Believing that He is who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do.

When I pray and God is not answering my prayers…I know God can act and in the past has acted. But for whatever reason…He chooses not to do so now. At those times…I just don’t understand. I don’t know why He chooses not to answer some prayers. Sometimes getting over that faith barrier seems insurmountable when I’m not able to do anything to move the hand of God.

I won’t know for sure this side of heaven why God permits some things. But if I might suggest this…God wants me to praise Him and trust Him even when the answer is no. Look at Job and how much affliction he suffered unabated for so long. I think part of it is surrendering to His will and continuing to know that He is good…even when it doesn’t feel like it. Will I continue to trust Him…will I continue to reach out and pray anyway? Will I praise Him when the answer is not forthcoming or the answer is no?

Sometimes it’s harder to trust God when my prayer is unanswered than when His answer is no.

With a human being…if they have the ability to do something good and help…but refuse to help it reflects poorly on their character and heart. But the same does not hold true with God. His purposes are not only our immediate present here and now. He is looking at a greater good…and heavenly eternal lasting rewards. I want relief right now. Sometimes that will not achieve His greater plan. Thus His ways are higher than our ways…His thoughts are not our thoughts.

I think perhaps it’s about surrendering at a heart level. Knowing and believing that God is good and that He does love me…even when He allows pain and hurt and loneliness to continue…even when I don’t understand it.

I remember one of Pastor Philip De Courcy’s messages at Kindred Community Church….it was called Back from the Dead? He said that Jesus said to Mary and Mary…”For your sake I’m glad he’s dead…” Philip paused there and expanded on why Jesus…and God the Father may be glad in our pain and sorrow. Because He is in the process of working out a greater good.

His eyes are focused…far beyond…He can see the good in our immediate pain and difficulty. He knows how He’s changing us and using our circumstances to grow us…or to reach others. So…yes…in some respects God does want us to experience pain. But not for ill or bad purposed…but for good…and greater glory.

Doesn’t feel too good now does it. To know that there is One who is able to help…but He doesn’t. It hurts. My friend Mike Paddison recently observed that unanswered pray feels like rejection. Never thought of it like that…but yes it’s an apt description.

As I’m going back through and listening to Pastor Chuck Obremski’s Luke study…I’m relearning a lot about faith. Pastor Chuck reminded us that faith isn’t real until it’s tested. It can’t be depended upon until it’s tested. There are days I don’t like buying that notion…but honestly Chuck’s faith was among the most real that I’ve seen.
Faith that is purified and refined…goes through the fire. Will mine come out as pure gold?

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Warning Signs of the Me Gospel

Posted in Bible, Christianity, Full Counsel of God's Word, Gospel Message, Joel Osteen, Kindred Community Church, Mormonism, Pastor Philip De Courcy by

On Sunday morning before heading off to church or Saturday evening while cleaning…I’ll frequently turn on TBN our religious broadcast station. While there are some solid Bible teachers…all too often I find pastors and ministries going astray from teaching the word of God.

One of the sure signs that I will hear man’s word and not God’s…is when I see the pastor preaching but there is no Bible to be found. On occasion…the pastor will be carrying a Bible, but he never opens it, nor refers to it. I am appalled when I see props on a stage as opposed to a pastor, his Bible and the pulpit. When our pastors are resorting to make their messages sexier and appealing to better compete with the secular world…we have gone over the edge.

As angry as I feel when I see such shenanigans…more than that I pity those pastors. I feel sad for them that they don’t know the power…the dynamite…of God’s word. The power to transform lives…take people who were dead in their sins and make them alive in Christ. If they had any clue what they were dealing with…they would treasure God’s word…guard it carefully and feed the hungry flock with the only food that will satisfy and last.

When I see such antics by men…and women…who claim to know Christ…I have to wonder if they truly know Christ as their Lord and Savior? All evidence to the contrary. God’s word warns us of such times and teachers. More and more…today’s pastors give evidence that we are in the days in which men will seek teaching which tickle their ears…instead of good, solid Bible teaching.

“For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. – 2 Timothy 4:2-4

With a born again Christian and a Mormon running for President there is more and more of a focus on religion in the media. As a result…I see interviews with pastors that the media consider to be religious leaders. One of “leaders” is Joel Osteen. I was left speechless after hearing an interview in which Joel was asked if Mormons are Christians. Joel had the perfect opportunity and platform to say to a world that is confused, lost and dead in their sins…that indeed there is a difference between the Christian faith in the Bible and what Mormons believe. He could have expanded on those differences and given the Gospel message. But instead Joel Osteen said he didn’t want to judge and that if Mitt says he believes in Christ then they have a common bond.

How is it that a pastor that has one of the largest churches in America not know that there is a difference between Biblical Christianity and the Mormon faith? That the Mormons have an additional text they consider as doctrine. It teaches about a different Jesus…not the same Jesus as the Bible.

But worse than not knowing that there is a difference between Biblical Christianity and Mormonism is the fact that Joel was reluctant or worse refused to address those differences. There is world of people that are dead in their sins and headed for hell unless they receive God only way of salvation through Jesus Christ our Lord. Joel had platform to speak to millions of people who may have never heard the Gospel…or know that there is a difference between Mormonism and Christianity…but he remained silent.

Jesus command is clear. “He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.” – Mark 16:15.

When I listen to these ministries…I see some patterns. Below is list of some of the things I see from pastors and ministries who do not peach God’s word.

  • No Bible is present…or frankly necessary because they are not preaching from the Word of God.
  • Don’t teach from the word of God
  • It’s all about me and how I feel.
  • God is only as good as what He can do for me.
  • It’s about what I do…not about being broken in my sin and repentant.
  • No conviction…I leave feeling good.
  • No recognition that I am a sinner saved by grace.
  • I don’t hear anything about me being a sinner
  • The message is meant to make me feel good.
  • There are props on stage
  • It’s a stage not a pulpit
  • A few verses are thrown in just for good measure
  • Casual…no suit or tie…the approach to the word of God is casual and laid back.
  • No conviction of sin
  • Illustrations from movies or personal experience…not from the Bible
  • They make Jesus cool…not holy and they don’t revere Him as God.
  • No talk of sin…which left me dead and condemned.
  • When I don’t know I’m a sinner…I don’t need a Savior.
  • Jesus is someone who came to show us how to live…not pay the penalty for my sin.
  • It’s about what I do…not what He did.
  • We’re all sons and daughters of God…they don’t define what makes one a son and daughter of God.
  • No prayer for those who don’t know Christ, who are dead in their sins to accept God’s plan of salvation and forgiveness through Jesus Christ our Lord.
  • No awe and reverence for God.
  • The pastor tells me what I ought to do…but doesn’t share that I can not do it on my own power and strength…but only through the power of the Holy Spirit who lives within me.

When Kindred Community Church was searching for a Pastor it took almost two years. During that time I was left to contemplate what would I do if we got a man who did not preach the word of God. What would I do? I love the body of Christ at my church…but I knew I had to seek God and His word first. I praise God that each week…in church and in Bible studies that I hear the full counsel of the word of God. I praise God and thank Him for bringing us Pastor Philip De Courcy…who teaches from the Bible. There is many a Sunday when I leave not feeling really good about myself because I’m being convicted of sin. But then I know that in no way will God reject or cast out a repentant sinner…and that I am forgiven. Sometimes I’m comforted by God’s merciful and loving word. But I’m always being fed God’s word.

I thank God for His hand of protection upon Kindred Community Church and allowing us to hear the full counsel of the word of God. We need to be mindful, to whom much is given, much is required. But praise God…where He calls, He equips.

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Speak Lord, Thy Servant Heareth

Posted in Believing God, Beth Moore, Bible Study, Dave Dunn, Doubt, Faith, Kindred Community Church, Luke, Pastor Chuck Obremski, Revelation by

With the busyness of the holidays and a brief break from the usual Bible studies and church related activities…I have felt a silence from God. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been distracted…this servant has not had ears to hear.

This week…I’m starting to get back into my normal schedule…which includes a prayer meeting and a couple of Bible studies during the week.

In recent months…I was listening to Beth Moore’s Bible studies…and oh how God speaks to me through her personal and powerful teaching. But a few weeks ago…as I was about to pop in one of Beth’s CDs…and I thought “No…I want to hear the study of Luke”.

Shortly after Kindred Community Church became a church, our Pastor Chuck Obremski started a study in the book of Luke. That study lasted 87 weeks…and it is a phenomenal study. During the course of the study…Pastor Chuck was diagnosed with cancer…thus began his “cancer coaster”…and as a church we were on the cancer coaster with Chuck and his family. While I had attended the study live…I had forgotten how awesome that study was.

Going back and hearing it again…takes my breath away. Each week the Gospel was preached…and no one could sit in class and not hear of their need for a Savior and that the Savior is Jesus Christ. The word of God is so powerful and it transforms lives. It is with delight and awe I am listening the Luke study again.

Today…God in His sometimes not so subtle way…had a few messages for me.

As Chuck taught about the parable of the sowers in Luke 8…he brought it home by reminding us that we have to use what God has given us or it will be taken away.

“He replied, ‘I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away. – Luke 19:26

When I heard that verse…I didn’t have to think how that applied to me. I knew immediately that the Holy Spirit was reminding me that God has given me a measure of faith. The question is…am I believing God? Am I exercising my faith? Or am I like the fool who buries his treasure? Make no mistake…faith is more valuable than all the treasures on earth…but only when it exercised.

When I fail to exercise my faith…when I choose to believe the lies of the enemy…then my measure of faith that God has given me will be taken away. Actually I will have surrendered it. Do you know any men or women of great faith? Do you find yourself admiring their faith…and wishing you had a powerful deep abiding faith like they do? Well God wants to make each of us great men and women of faith.

There is an issue in my life that has been one of the biggest areas where I struggle with faith. That’s with regards to being single. This is where I allow my hurt and loneliness to cause me to believe the lies of the enemy. That God doesn’t love me or care for me…and that He will never change my circumstances.

I see what’s going on around me in the lives of unbelievers and believers alike…and I hear Satan reminding me that God has provided them with a spouse…or has allowed them to live together outside of marriage seemingly no consequence to something that God has clearly stated is wrong.

It’s so easy to turn my inability to understand what God is doing…and His plan and timing into doubt and unbelief. But when I do that…I’m falling right into the hands of the enemy. I’m handing over the measure of faith that God has given me. Instead of shoring up my mind with scripture that reminds me of God’s faithfulness…I give in to defeat.

God continued His message to me tonight through our study in Revelation 12. Elder Dave Dunn reminded us that those who believe Satan’s lie that God is a liar…have abdicated their faith over to the enemy. It’s what he’s been doing since the beginning. He did it with Eve when he questioned, “Did God really say…?” And he continues to use that which has been very successful to this day.

There are times I’m a little slow on the uptake…so God made sure that He reinforced the message as I drove home from Bible study. I was listening to Chuck teach on four meaty verses.

“Now it happened, on a certain day, that He got into a boat with His disciples. And He said to them, “Let us cross over to the other side of the lake.” And they launched out. But as they sailed He fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water, and were in jeopardy. And they came to Him and awoke Him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” Then He arose and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water. And they ceased, and there was a calm. But He said to them, “Where is your faith?” And they were afraid, and marveled, saying to one another, “Who can this be? For He commands even the winds and water, and they obey Him!” – Luke 8:22-25

Now this is a story I’m very familiar with…I’ve heard so many times before. But I never heard this before, “Where is your faith?”.

Indeed…where is my faith God? I have surrendered it too many times to the enemy. I’ve believed his lies…that You don’t love me, or care for me and won’t act in my situation.

The other thing that struck me…is that the storm was stilled immediately. The disciples fretted and worried needlessly before they awoke Jesus. In nothing flat He attended to their needs.

It will take no effort for God to change my life and my situation. With just a word…He can rebuke the enemy and answer my prayers. The question is…where is my faith? In Whom is my faith? Will I choose to exercise my faith?

As Dave taught us tonight he said one thing in particular grabbed me. He said that God had used Paul so much because he had yielded, obeyed and submitted himself to God. Dave challenged us to do the same. God desires to use each of us greatly if we will but yield, obey and submit ourselves to Him. For me part of that is having faith and believing God even the storm wails about me…when the dark clouds obstruct the sun…and waves threaten to sink my boat.

Right now that stormy sea is an apt description of my struggle with faith. I’m like the father who cried out to Jesus, “I believe, help me with my unbelief.”

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She Believed God

Posted in Believing God, Defending Your Faith, Hope, Trusting God by

While paying a long overdue visit to Pilgrim Pals I found post “Perplexed, Preserving Pilgrim” challenging us to come up with a three word statement that summarizes last year…and three word goal to strive for in 2008. Here’s mine…

2007 – It Was Interesting

2008 – She Believed God


While 2007 wasn’t awful…and in fact had some wonderful and marvelous things that happened…I was so glad to leave it behind and start afresh.

Only I found…I brought me into the New Year. The same things I wrestled with last year I still struggle with today. It’s so easy to believe the lies of the enemy and doubt God.

My goal…my desire…my absolute need it to trust God…to believe Him and see what He will do in my life. She believed God…and found hope, faith and love!

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The Mother I Never Knew

Posted in Adoption, Rejection by

My first nine months were spent in your womb,
But I never knew you.

The certificate says “Baby Girl Dawson”,
That’s all I know for sure.

All those years ago,
Abortion wasn’t even legal.

But I wonder did you love me,
Dare I even ask…why you didn’t want me?

What is the story,
On how I came to be?

Was I the product young love,
Or an illicit affair…or something more tragic?

Did you see me on that day,
Did you hold me in your arms?

Did you whisper sweet words of love,
And pray God’s blessing upon my life?

Or was I taken away,
Never to be seen again?

Was my birth a deep family secret,
Something not uttered in good company?

Do you ever shed a tear or feel guilty,
Or were you confident that you did the right thing?

Did you ever marry,
Have children that you called your own?

Do I have brothers and sisters,
Am I anyone’s spitting image?

During your day,
Do your thoughts every turn to me?

Do you ever wonder,
Who and what I came to be?

Do we share the same faith,
And one day I’ll meet you in heaven?

To the mother I never knew,
I do wonder about you.

It would be with fear and trembling,
That I would dare to try and find you.

For I fear,
Of the answers I might hear.

Susan Bunts
January 5, 2008

With a friend’s decision to adopt a child…my thoughts have turned to my own adoption…so many years ago. I was given up for adoption at birth…and adopted at the age of 3 months. The only thing I know about my birth mother is that her last name was Dawson.

It’s odd how a person who I never met…who I know nothing about can continue to be a part of my thoughts. Obviously I wonder what happened…why she gave me up for adoption. What her thoughts were over the years about her decision. Whatever happened with her life…did she go on to have a happy and successful life? Or was my birth…just another difficult circumstance in her life? Did she ever have children…do I have brothers and sisters? Do I look like anyone…is my personality or interests like anyone the family I never knew?

Abortion back then wasn’t an option…unless a woman chose to do a backstreet illegal abortion. I wonder…if it had been legal…would she still have made the same decision to give her baby up for adoption?

There are times I wonder…have I ever seen or met her? Would I like her…is she a good decent person? Or is she a wretch of a human being and the decision to have her baby adopted was one of the few good things she did? Is she still alive…how is her health? What diseases run in the family that I should know about? As much as ever contemplated the idea of trying to find her…I never followed through for fear of what I might find.

Many adoptions today are more open and children are able to know more about their birth parents. I think that’s a good thing…maybe?

The one scar that has remained in my life if the feeling of rejection. I knew that I was adopted for as long as I can remember…I don’t remember a time when I didn’t know that. It’s funny because even if a child is rejected by their birth mother…they are wanted by the family that adopts them. I wonder why the rejection is the dominate feeling?

The above picture is my first picture taken by a foster mother before I was adopted.

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Leaving Some Things Behind

Posted in New Year by

On Sunday I made another trip up to the cross. I persuaded Danita to make the trek with me because I needed pray and leave some thing behind at the foot of the cross. Things that I need leave in 2007 and not take into the New Year. Be done with it…and move on.

Things like holding on to a hurt which allows me to nurse a wound of unforgiveness. Or how about doubting God…and seeing Him as inadequate, unable or unwilling to answer my prayers. Seeing my problems as much bigger than my God.

Or how about misplaced priorities…and putting things before God. Not making Him a priority…and giving Him my leftovers.

Maybe I should leave behind disappointment in others…because my hopes and expectations are not being met. That they are not acting as I would have them to act. It might be good to say goodbye to the attitude it’s about me.

I’d be wise to jettison the tendency to attribute impure motives to other’s actions…instead of walking in grace and mercy.

How about that tendency to go to others and seek their advice…before I go to God in prayer…or looking for a word of encouragement or thanks instead of being confident that my work was pleasing and glorify to God.

Seeing my past and what was…as indicative of what will be instead of going to God in prayer…and trusting Him and His perfect timing to answer my prayers.

Oh Lord…how might I be different in the New Year?

Saying, “I believe and thank You”. Trusting God and what His word says…instead of my doubts and unbelief.

Instead of a pity party…look around and help someone else who is hurting.

Take a few more risks…and reaching out.

Dare to keep loving even when it’s not returned.

Not keep pounding on doors God has closed.

Praying for those who have hurt me or annoy me…or even those I just plain don’t like.

See those lost in their sin…as God sees them. Reach out to them with love…and share Gospel message.

Walk in such a manner that I cause others to seek after and want to know Jesus Christ.

Jesus…you know the hurts of my heart…the things I can’t even say out loud or to another living soul. I leave them at the foot of Your cross…knowing that You will know what to do with them. I don’t want to carry them into the New Year. We’re about to head into a New Year…but You already know what it holds. Thanks for not giving up on me…and sticking by my side when others fall away. Help me to do that which You would have me to do. Help me to stay on track and go forward. Help me to see my future as You see it.

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Reach Out Anyway

Posted in Body of Christ, Forgiveness, Kindred Community Church, Loneliness, Prayer, Reaching Out, the Apples, Trusting God, Uncategorized by

Dearest Julie,

Oh I can relate and understand so much of what you’ve said. I too am alone this New Years Eve. I wish I could say it’s the first time…but instead I pray it’s the last time.

But I’ve been doing this a lot longer than you are even old…and I pray that I might have some words that God will use to comfort you and help keep you going and growing in Him. Never, never give up…put your hope in Jesus alone.

I wish you lived near me…I know that you would love our church…and would feel at home. In turn…the body of Christ at Kindred Community Church would reach out to you. So if you are ever in southern California…you have an official invitation.

When I didn’t receive the invitation that I had hoped for to spend Christmas with friends…I didn’t wait to see if I would be alone. Instead I reached out to a loving Christian family that I am blessed by God to know. For several years the Apple family had invited me to Christmas and Thanksgiving. But I had always declined…because I felt guilty about not seeing my mom on a holiday. She has Alzheimer’s and only a couple of people see her…and it’s important to be there with her.

But this year I couldn’t bear to be alone at Christmas. Even though I felt hurt…the pain of spending Christmas alone motivated me to reach out and ask, “Could I spend Christmas with you?”. I knew the answer before I even asked…because this family embodies walking in the love of Christ like few I know. The warm and loving answer was, “We’d love to have you”.

I’m so glad I asked…because it was lovely day…and I really enjoyed the people and time I spent with them. Be it a drive to see Krista Beth’s horse…or meeting Carrie, a friend of the Apple’s I had heard so much about…to having the most delicious dinner prepared by Vicki…or watching Fredo the cat try his best to capture the helicopter flying around the room…the day was wonderful. My favorite time of the day was in the evening sitting on the sofa by the Christmas tree…and chatting with Doreen. We just talked about stuff…God stuff and people stuff. I even asked Doreen to be in prayer for me regarding my single status…to which she agreed. And yes…I did go and spend the morning with my mom on Christmas day too.

I guess the point is that I reached out and asked. Doreen likely would have extended an invitation even if I hadn’t asked. But rather than be depressed to think I would be alone at Christmas I made sure I asked.

This same family, the Apple family, I can remember a day almost three years ago when I didn’t know them. For two years we had officially been a church…but met at the Elk’s Lodge in Santa Ana, until such time as God provided a church home for us. When we finally moved into our church property…this is when we grew even more as a church family. Ministry opportunities and needs where there…and I felt God pushing me, “Susan…you need to get involved and serve in one of the ministries.”

So when sign up time came…I signed up to work the coffee ministry one Sunday a month. I didn’t know any of the people I would be working with so I felt pretty uncomfortable. But you know what I told myself? “Susan, right now you don’t know these people, but before long you’ll know them and they’ll be your friends.” Little did I know how right I was. That Sunday I began working with Doreen and Charles…under the command of Coffee Captain Mike. People that I didn’t know…before long became most precious to me…and I thank God for them daily. Now each year when it comes time for sign up…we do so under the specification that we must work as a team. That experience helped to work in other areas too.

Because I took that step even though I knew I would feel uncomfortable for time…I got to know Charles and Doreen’s adopted daughters Ramona and Lisa. One of my favorite things to do each Sunday morning is to go and give Ramona and Lisa a hug and kiss and remind them that they are my “favorite Kindred girls”. When I ask them…“Have I ever told you I love you?”…I get a resounding yes! There is nothing as sweet as sitting there early on Sunday morning…before everyone arrives…with my arms around these precious girls as we listen to the worship team and sing along. Ramona gives some of the best hugs…and I would have missed out on that…if I hadn’t risked feeling uncomfortable for a season.

Julie…reach out and take some risks. You’ll feel uncomfortable for a while…and that’s okay. Don’t wait till the last minute and hope that you might be invited or included. Reach out to others. I can guarantee you that there others that feel like you do…and you can reach out to them.

Recently I attended a Christmas concert at church on a Sunday night. I didn’t want to sit alone…so I sat with some friends. Maybe it was because it was Christmas time that I was feeling particularly lonely. I just wanted to have someone put their arms around me and hold me close. But no one was reaching out to me and I felt all the more lonely. I looked over and sitting next me was a lady whose husband had been out of town for the week. I figured she was probably a little bit lonely too…so I reached over and put my arm around her as we sang the last Christmas hymn. Later she came and told me thank you. She had been alone all week…and just needed a hug. So God use my hurt and loneliness to reach out to someone else.

Let Him use you Julie to reach out to others who are hurting and lonely and just need a little love. You know what it’s like when it’s missing. Never forget that feeling and make sure that you are reaching out to others. People don’t always wear their hurt on their sleeves…and likely won’t share with you “Gee wiz…I’m lonely”. God has given you this experience so you can know what it’s like to be lonely and hurting. Don’t turn inward…instead you need to reach out to others.

I’m sure that you are well aware of God’s admonition that we are not to forsake the assembling of one another. We need that interaction with one another and time of corporate worship. We need to be serving the needs of those in the body of Christ. If you are part of a church body…you are able to contribute and help meet other’s needs. Remember…God has specially gifted you…and he has a place where he wants you to be a part of. If you can’t get to church because you are snowed in or too sick…that’s one thing. But if you are healthy and able…you need to find a place where you fit in, in the body of Christ. Julie…maybe you are a hand or an arm in the body Christ…but whatever you are…if you are not where God has called you…that body is missing that hand or arm.

Julie…I must confess I would rather die than to go through another year alone. It’s so very, very hard. But unless the Lord calls me home…or He returns that may be a reality next year as well.

But I ain’t going to let Satan win. He wants to keep me discouraged, lonely and depressed…and thus render me ineffective in the body of Christ. He wants to make me doubt God’s goodness, love and care for me. Instead of having me say…“God…I don’t like this…but please don’t waste what I’m going through…at least use it to help others…and please answer my prayers for a husband.” It’s a choice that I have to make daily.

Satan knows that being single and lonely is my biggest area of vulnerability. He likes use it to make me doubt God…and sometimes I believed his lies. But I don’t want to waste anymore time. I don’t want the lessons I’ve learned in the pain to be lost and wasted when I instead I can take steps and reach out to others.

Sometimes you will be rejected when you reach out. You’ll act out of love for others…and it may be rejected or you will be used and it won’t be reciprocated. But keep reaching out. You’ll be amazed at what God will bring into your life just from obeying and taking some risks.

As far being alone…recently I spent some time with someone who doesn’t exactly hold me high esteem and it was reflected in their actions toward me. That’s when I discovered there ain’t no loneliness like be with someone who doesn’t care. That loneliness is worse than being alone. I’d rather wait a little while longer for the man whom God will bring. Someone who will love and treasure me for who I am.

Julie that’s my prayer for both you and me. That next New Year’s Eve…instead of writing pieces about being alone and lonely on New Year’s Eve…we’ll be writing a praise report on how faithful God was. That He heard our cries…and that according to His perfect timing and plan…He brought each of us the husband whom He perfectly fit for us. That we will be filled with joy and gratitude for His mercy and grace poured out upon us. But I also pray that we will never, ever forget what it feels like to be alone, lonely and unloved. That it will motivate us as we reach out to other in our lives.

There are some things that I want to leave behind this year Julie…and not take with me to 2008. One of those things is unforgiveness. If I think I’ve forgiven someone an offense…but I keenly remember it every time I see them and feel that wound again…I haven’t forgiven them in full. I’m the one being tortured…not them. But if I was the one that offended and caused hurt…wouldn’t I be most grateful for forgiveness. To know that person doesn’t hold it against me any longer. That when I talk to them we are in the present…in the here and now…and they are not thinking back to a time when I hurt them. Wouldn’t I want that?

Sometimes forgiveness must be given to people who should know better and act better because of who they are. Just because you forgave them…doesn’t mean that what they did is now okay. It’s just saying I’m letting it go and not going to hold it against you any longer. As I write this…I’m speaking to myself as much as you.

Can you imagine Jesus paying the penalty for our sins and forgiving us…but then when we meet him face to face…Him being cold or wanting to avoid us and not be with us because we hurt Him? No…Jesus has forgiven us in full. He asks us to do the same. It’s hard to do…but don’t do it on your own strength…do it by the power of the Holy Spirit within you.

So Julie…I’m praying for God to heal up any emotional wounds you bear…that you will be able to let them go and start lighter because you released of your burdens…and are starting fresh in 2008.

Blessings to you dear one…and praying that God will answer both our prayer for a husband in 2008.

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One I’ve Never Met

Posted in Heart's Desire, poem by

How is it,
That I can miss a man I’ve never met?

How is it,
That I still dream of a lifetime spent with one I’ve never known?


How is it,
That I desire to feel the warmth of an embrace that has never come?


How is it,
That I long to hold the hand of him that I’ve never held?


How is it,
That I miss the kiss from lips that I’ve never touched?

How is it,
That I can still hope that one day I may know him?


by Susan Bunts
December 3, 2007

No Room

Posted in Christmas, No Room for Jesus by

It wasn’t a fiery sermon preached from the pulpit, but instead a verse from the precious Christmas hymn, “Away in a Manger”. The words stopped in my throat…and I could only whisper them…mouth the words as tears filled my eyes.

“Away in a manger, no crib for a bed”

Those words brought me up short and I realized I had gotten it all wrong. It was Christmas and I hadn’t made room for Jesus.

Oh there was time to decorate and attend Christmas festivities. I made time to make a list and check it twice…and shop for just the right gifts. I slipped in some Christmas concerts and even a party on the sparkling waters of Newport Beach.

But I didn’t make time for my Savior.

I enjoyed Christmas lights…but didn’t delight in the Light of the world.

Oh I attended church and Bible study and even prayed. But I didn’t seek special time to spend with Jesus…to thank Him for what He has done for me. In all the hustle and bustle of the season…I didn’t share the Good News of Gospel with someone who is overwhelmed or hurting or alone for the first time.

I didn’t spend time reading the story of Jesus’ most miraculous birth as God became man. He who is fully God and fully man…this One who was born to die. Willing to submit Himself unto the Father’s plan…in order to redeem me, buy me back and save me from my sin.

Everything I have…everything I am comes from Him. And I didn’t give Him the one thing I can offer…my time.

When I look at the gifts I received and the things I most treasure from this Christmas…it was time spent with friends…just chatting. Sometimes about important things…more often than not…it was just about stuff. Nothing earth shaking…but just time spent caring for one another.

If that’s what I enjoyed the most…why would I think my Lord and Savior wouldn’t love that too?

What I missed the most…was spending time with friends…talking and catching up…or getting away for a while from the hustle and bustle and demands that never end. Focusing on another…listening and carrying their burdens for a while.

Jesus gave His life so that I might live…He bore the penalty for my sins upon His body. He gave His all…and didn’t even give Him my time.

My foolish investment of time and energy made what is so precious…devoid of real meaning. If only I had focused on Christ…how might the rest of time and relationships have been during this season? Christ centered, peaceful, joyful, walking in love, mindful of the real reason behind the celebration. Walking in manner worthy of my high calling…and aiming to please my Savior…to bring Him joy.

When I really love someone…don’t I find great joy and happiness in pleasing them and making them happy? Won’t it be more so when I please Jesus?

Oh Jesus…I’m sorry I made no room for You this Christmas. Jesus I ask You, please don’t let me do this again…to walk so foolishly. May I be ever mindful of the treasure You are…and hold onto You and value You…and never let You go.


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Isn’t That Just Like Him?

Posted in Believing God, Defending Your Faith by

As I was shutting the door this morning…I whispered, “God, Your word tells me that You are near to the brokenhearted. Oh God…You must be so very close to me right now. I just wish I could feel it.” With that plea uttered to my Savior…I locked the door and walked to my car.

As I put my things in the back seat I looked down to find a paper that looked old and tattered with a piece of dirty tape adhered to the back of the paper. I was going to close the door…but something prompted me to stop. I opened the door wide and picked up the paper. I didn’t recognize it…until I turned it over.

There…low and behold…was God reaching down to me in the form of my Believing God statement of faith.

I couldn’t tell you how many years ago I typed up that card. Was it two or three years ago…maybe more? I hadn’t seen that card since I first read Beth Moore’s book Believing God. That was my introduction to her. I liked her…but would later find that God would use Beth’s Bible teaching to touch me deeply.

I held the card in my hand…not quite comprehending how it got there. I didn’t need to read to the card to know what it said…because I know it well. But I read it out loud anyway…just to remind myself.

God is who He says He is.
God can do what He says He can do.
I am who God says I am.
I can do all things through Christ
God’s word is alive and active in me.

I’m Believing God

On a very low, low day…when I wondered…how can I go on…Jesus was the lifter of my head. He showed me that He sees and that He cares. He not only wipes every tear from my eyes…but He holds each tear in a bottle…as if it’s most precious to Him. Why He cares for me…I don’t know…but He does.

I don’t know if that paper was in my Bible and slipped out…or if it was dislodged from a recent trip to the car wash. But I know it was God, in His perfecting timing, taking the time to remind me in personal and powerful way…that I need to Believe God…and keep believing Him.

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Lazy Faith

Posted in Believing God, Faith, Lazy Faith, Prayer, Trusting God by


On today’s faith venture in Believing God…I’m seeing a clear picture that I have lazy faith. I thank God that He trusts me enough to reveal these things…that means He trusts me to want to change them. Now I fully admit I can’t change it on my own. But even knowing that is good…because before I thought it was a goal achieved through my own effort and self will. Now I know that I am weak and unable to do anything on my own…must less exercise faith.

I can see in the past that God, in His mercy, answered prayers of mine when I had little or no faith. He didn’t do it because I exercised great faith and trusted in Him. He did it out of mercy and because He knew I was a new Christian or young in my faith.

But I grew lazy…not wanting to strive or to pray without ceasing…but still get God to answer my prayers. I could have my proverbial cake and eat it too. When I do that…I’m acting worse then an unbeliever.

But God is not satisfied in leaving me young and immature in my faith. He wants me to grow…in faith and in my knowledge of Him. He wants me to participate. To believe Him…to keep believing…even when my circumstances would say otherwise.

I think I have been more satisfied with justifying my unbelief and lack of faith then in believing God. I’ve been more content with complaining about what I don’t have then to thank God for what I do have. Perturbed that I have to keep praying to God instead of falling down on my knees in humble adoration and gratitude that I can even come before the throne. More likely to doubt God then to know with confidence that He is more than able to accomplish what concerns me today.

God tells us in His word that we are to ask, seek and knock.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” – Matthew 6:7-8

This is an ongoing and continuous command…I am to keep asking, keep seeking and keep knocking. I can keep doing that because I know with confidence that my God is able to answer my prayers and He is a good God who cares for me. When I ask, seek and knock…I must be willing to submit to His will.

Where ever did I get the notion that faith should be easy? For Pete’s sakes I’m in a spiritual battle. What enemy has ever made their opponent’s victory easy? Anything good is worth fighting for.

Shouldn’t I remember most importantly that God is prize? Yes…I can come to Him in prayer…present my requests in faith, with thanksgiving and know that He is able to handle my every need or concern with ease. But the real prize…the thing that is most important…is not that He will answer my prayers…but that He desires to have a relationship with me. God Almighty…Creator of heaven and earth…Father, Son and Holy Spirit…wants to know me.

Dear Father…I have so failed in my faith. I have missed the mark and did not comprehend that You are the prize. Jesus…help me to grow strong in my faith…by exercising my faith muscles with daily and continuous workouts. May I be mindful I am in a spiritual battle…and strive for victory no matter what the cost. I come to You in Christ alone. Amen!

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Old Woman Sight Walking Faith is Dead

Posted in Believing God, Beth Moore, Doubt, Faith, Sight Walking Faith, Unbelief, Walk by Faith, Walking by Faith by


Not sure how much of an inkling I had at some of the ugly stuff that would be revealed as I delve into my faith…in my study of Believing God.

I never wanted to do therapy…because I figure I’ve already lived the bad stuff…I don’t want to waste even one more moment of my life dwelling on it. But I’m starting to see the importance of examining the outworking of my faith compared to what God says it should be…and what pleases Him.

Boy oh boy…am I coming up short! And folks…it ain’t pretty. As the days and weeks go by in this study…I hope to better understand why my faith is so weak. But right now all I’m seeing is my failure of faith.

God makes it very clear in His word…that He desires for us to have faith and to believe Him. He even rewards our faith. Reading Hebrews 11….the Hall of Faith…I am in awe of what these people endured and how they maintained their focus on God and His promises. They didn’t waver with doubt and unbelief…nor were they concerned on how God would accomplish what He had promised. Instead they stood steadfast and resolute in believing their God.

Faith, trust and believing God is a way to glorify and honor Him…it pleases Him. Can you imagine a child who is fearful and concerned about how her parent will provide and take care of her? That surely wouldn’t speak too well of that parent now would it? But in this instance…my lack of faith and trust…doesn’t speak well of me.

I find it kind of amazing that God delights and rewards those who believe and trust Him in faith. But when I look at a parent…don’t they delight in doing good things for their child? Don’t they take great pleasure in bringing happiness and joy to their child? How much more so God?

When I look at Abraham…I marvel at his great faith. I ask myself…if God called me to sacrifice my only child….would I obey? If I obeyed…would I be quick to do so and not question God?

Am I going to believe God…and who He says He is? Trust what He says He will do? Or am I going to believe my circumstances…and only what I can see? I’m quite adept at sight walking faith. But God wants me to walk by faith…and I’ve failed that test miserably.

It’s easy to believe what’s in front of me and what I can see. It requires effort, faith and work to know God’s word…and His character as revealed in the Bible. In a different context the Bible tells me that I am to deny myself, pick up my cross and follow Jesus. Since doubt and unbelief is so ingrained in me…wouldn’t I be denying myself and following Jesus when I choose to believe Him by faith? So often…I think of denying myself in terms of denying certain pleasures…but perhaps that command encompasses even more than that.

As I look at my faith…and my poor track record…I realize that I’m not able to achieve this on my own…that God will have to give me the faith to believe Him. The Holy Spirit is going to be doing double duty…bringing to mind the scriptures I’ve studied…to help keep me walking by faith.

Sight walking faith has bigger consequences than just loosing out on blessings in this world. It also affects my prayer life. When I doubt my God…do I bring everything to Him by prayer and petition…and present my request to Him? Am I faithful to bring unbelieving friends and family before the throne of God and beseech Him for mercy and for their salvation? How many people are praying for them…for their hurts and needs? How many cry out to God for their salvation? Shouldn’t my voice be lifted up to God in heaven…that He would save their souls? What will I be feeling in heaven when the books are closed and people that I could have prayed for aren’t there?

Am I willing to deny myself…my doubt and unbelief…and trust God in faith? Am I willing to turn away from sight walking faith…and walk by faith through the power of the Holy Spirit within me?

Oh Lord…please help me. You know how I have failed, time and time again. You are going to have to give me the faith…because I am frail and weak in my faith…and unable to believe on my own. Help me to believe You and trust You. Help me to walk by faith. Thank you Jesus…that I am a new creation in You.

To quote Clarence Thomas’ grandfather Meyer Anderson, “Old Man Can’t is dead, I know, I buried him myself.”

Old Woman Sight Walking Faith is dead…I know because she was crucified with Christ. She was born again…and is now called Walking by Faith.

God…would you consider adding a verse Hebrews 11? Something like this, “By faith Susan…”

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