Then I Weep

Posted in Compromise, Gospel, poems by

Today we learned a little something,
About God,
Now…let me tell you why I weep.

When I hear quotes from the wisdom of man,
In place of godly counsel from the Word of God,
Then I weep.

When I hear stories about some man made superhero,
Instead of Bible history…tales of men transformed by the power of God,
Then I weep.

When I hear scripture overly simplified,
Rather than digging deep into the bountiful treasure of the Word of God,
Then I weep.

When I see the church swept downstream into today’s culture,
Instead of offering the Way to come up higher,
Then I weep.

When I forget that my salvation is a work of God,
Not of man…whose works are as filthy rags,
Then I weep.

When I see the church effortlessly float downstream,
Instead of exercising faith building study in the Word of God,
Then I weep.

When I partake of cotton candy that melts in my mouth,
Instead of chewing on the meat of God’s word,
Then I weep.

When I see interest waning,
Instead of excitement building at the study of God’s Word,
Then I weep.

When I neglect the Word of God,
Set it aside for something more palatable to my weakened and sinful mind,
Then I weep.

When I, in ignorance, neglect God’s character and lay aside His instruction,
I unknowingly strip God of His power in my life,
Then I weep.

When I fail to learn and abide by what God says is right,
And I unwittingly invite sin to creep its way back into my life,
Then I weep.

When I allow my life to be ordinary,
An example to none,
Then I weep.

When I choose to live,
A settled for life,
Then I weep.

When I think I’m saved,
But my life is not changed, transformed by the power of Holy Spirit,
Then I weep.

When I allow the light within me to be dimmed,
My life not salty, lacking in savor and good for nothing,
Then I weep.

When I’m indwelt by the Holy Spirit,
But not daily filled to live by the power of God,
Then I weep.

When I strip God of His power,
Quench the Spirit’s work within me because of easy and lazy unbelief,
Then I weep.

When I fail to learn about God,
His mighty and transforming work in the lives of sinful man,
Then I weep.

When I neglect the work of His hands,
Forgetting His deeds of old and His ability and desire to do the same today,
Then I weep.

When I forget that by His Word that He spoke everything into existence,
When I’m hard pressed to tell you the Ten Commandments, much less live by them,
Then I weep.

When I don’t know of God’s faithfulness,
And forget about His deliverance of Israel time and time again,
Then I weep.

When I think that Jesus came to show us how to live,
Instead of to die, the only worthy propitiation for my sins,
Then I weep.

Today we learned a little something about God,
Today I fear that instead…we learned that God is a little something,
Thus today I weep.

By Susan Bunts
June 24, 2007

This poem is dedicated to those with whom I share a passionate concern about the church today and the body of Christ. Donna and Jay Hoyt…you two come to mind first and foremost. Thank you for your uncompromising faithful love of the Word of God…and the souls of men…so that all may come to repentance. It should be noted that the title of this poem is inspired by comments by Beth Moore that when we do a “little study about God”, we instead make God a “little something”.

I find myself increasingly distressed by today’s church. One that settles for the stories of man, instead of the diligently studying of God’s Word. I fear that we are being influenced by today’s culture rather than impacting the culture around us for Christ. No longer are our lives transformed by the power of God. If we continue to settle for stories of men rather then insist on being taught and diligently studying the Word of God, then we will continue to live ordinary and ineffective lives. Our lives and our work will come to naught unless we are transformed by the Word of God and the work Holy Spirit within us. Only then we can be mighty instruments in the hand of a holy, righteous, just and powerful God. God…Who is an all consuming fire.

When we live the settled for life, when we try to live life based upon our own power, instead of yielding to Christ Jesus within, we will not impact the culture in any effective way. Unsaved persons will see nothing desirous in our lives that will cause them to seek Jesus. When I’m doing the same thing as the unbeliever sitting next to me…that doesn’t speak well of my religion.

I weep at the “settled for” Christian life. I believe that when I get to heaven, I will be grieved as I look at the lost opportunities and look at a life that was far from victorious.

I see the church today…along with our culture….trying to bring God down to our level. Our churches almost apologetically ask parishioners to turn in their Bible to the passage that they will be studying. Topical sermons can’t take the place of genuine Bible study. Don’t get me wrong…because one of my favorite Pastors, Charles Stanley, is a topical preacher. When he preaches you are getting fed the Word of God…and it’s not dumbed down. But I wonder…how many Pastors preach topical sermons…because of the challenge that straight Bible study presents?

It’s odd…but I think it both funny and sad when Pastors say “if you have your Bible with you, please turn to page…”. For Pete’s sakes…if you are at church or a Bible study…you should have your Bible with you. Yes…there may be some new folks that don’t have their Bible with them…visitors who didn’t bring their Bible or persons who don’t know Christ. But the church should have Bibles on hand for them to use and participate with.

I think of my own dear beloved Pastor Chuck Obremski…if you left your Bible at home or forgot it…you can be sure you’d get a verbal swat upside the head. Chiding in a good natured and playful fashion…but one that was also serious. He was someone to hold our feet to the fire. If not our Pastor…then pray tell whom?

I think we’ve forgotten how awesome is our God. He is holy…so much so that the angels proclaim “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.” He can not be contained, nor tamed. Try as we might…He will not be brought down to our level. He is all powerful…one little word from Him…and it is so.

It’s easy to forget the awesome magnificence of God…when I fail to study His word. It’s also convenient…because if I don’t know what His word says…then I’m okay with living however I want to. The conviction of the Holy Spirit isn’t quite as loud when I don’t study God’s Word. It also means I don’t have to speak up when I see someone around me living a life that is sinful before God. I’m not obligated to warn them…if I don’t know what God says in His word. After all…speaking God’s word…to someone living in sin can make for some uncomfortable times. But my discomfort in doing so, is momentary in relation to the possible eternal consequences that person may face if they die without accepting Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on the cross for their sins.

I find myself grieved when I look at the state the church today…especially in the American culture. If I this sinful wretch of a human being feels that way…what must God feel?

We have been given a treasure beyond measure…the Word of God. It is eternal…as are the souls of men. Ought I not be treating both with the seriousness and reverence that Jesus Christ does?

Hand It Over

Posted in poem, Sharing the Gospel, Word of God by

Hand it over…Preacher boy,
Step away from the Gospel.


That’s good…now make them believe,
It’s their character,
Their righteousness that saves them,
Not the righteousness of Christ.


Never let them know the truth,
That there is no one righteous, no not one,
That their salvation was bought and paid for,
Through the blood of Jesus when He died on the cross.


Make them believe,
The wisdom of men,
Which speaks of works righteousness,
Not the holy, perfect, acceptable sacrifice of Christ Jesus alone.


Let them hear stories,
Instead be inspired by heroes and stories of men,
Hush…they needn’t know the truth,
That the Word of God alone can heal their broken lives.


Perhaps there is one not yet saved,
Who does not yet know the power of the Holy Spirit,
Of One who convicts men of sin,
Or the One who can transform their lives…by His power within.


Let them rest comfortably,
Seeking integrity in the eyes of men,
Share not the Gospel message, no nary a word,
Lest they be saved…a new creation in Christ


Good work,
Job well done…
Christ was not mentioned,
Not a whisper of promised assurance…forgiveness of their sin.


Preacher man…do not loose heart,
Nor feel you’ve betrayed,
The Gospel of Christ,
To a world not yet saved.


Insincerely yours,
The enemy!


By Susan Bunts
July 1, 2007

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Crossing That Line

Posted in Critical Spirit, Obeying God, Seeking God, Trusting God by

When does valid concern and criticism about an important issue become a critical spirit? At what point does it cross a line? Even when the matter being addressed is something of importance and close to the heart of God?

I’m not sure I know the exact answer to that question. But I do know that God had reined me in this week in the area pertaining to my church.

God in His world counsels us that we are united in the body of Christ not divided.

“I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.” – 1 Corinthians 1:10

“God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” – 1 Corinthians 12:24-26

Our church, Kindred Community Church, has been going through a time of transition for some time now…since our beloved Pastor Chuck Obremski went home to be with our Lord. That was back on September 18, 2005…almost two years now.

In that intervening time…Kindred began the search for a new Sr. Pastor who will be our Pastor, teacher, spiritual leader and friend. God has used the time since Chuck’s death to prepare us for the man whom He has called. At times I’ve been anxious to see who that man is. At times…I’ve been very much at peace knowing that God is in control…and that in His perfect timing God will raise up our new Pastor.

Since we don’t have a Sr. Pastor…we have had a number of men…pastors, teachers and leaders in the Christian community preaching on Sundays. Like the well known disagreements that churches can get in to over music styles…there has been differing opinions on those who have preached over these almost two years.

But I guess whether we favor the speaker that week or have someone else that we resonate with the one thing we can all give thanks for is God’s provision. We can also give Jesus Christ…praise, honor and glory for how He has kept the body of Christ at Kindred knit together. That’s not to say that some have not left to attend other churches in the intervening time. The truth be told…some have. But for the most part…we remain in tact and committed to Jesus Christ, each other and sharing the Gospel message with a lost and dying world.

Another thanksgiving and praise should go to God who has raised up committed members of Kindred’s Pastoral Search Committee. Because of their dedication and sacrifice and commitment to finding the man whom God has called…I am confident that one day (hopefully soon) we will have our Pastor. A thank you must go to also to our Elders for their commitment to finding the man of God who is committed to deep, uncompromised teaching of God’s word. Someone who will teach us the meat of the Word…not baby food that will not nourish the body of Christ.

No where was that more evident than recently when the search looked like it might be coming to an end…but for reasons that remain confidential…a decision was not made regarding those candidates. While disappointed…I was somewhat relieved to know that they were not going to settle just because we are desperate. That they weren’t going to go with the next pretty face or with the one who would weave stories that would tickle our ears and makes us feel good…but in the end leave us empty and without hope.

Would the Search Committee and the Elders like this to be over? You beta ya! Are they tired of bearing a heavy responsibility…that has not yet ended? You beta ya! Are they undergoing spiritual warfare and attacks from the enemy? You beta ya! Do they feel the burden when our congregations speaks up and shares concerns about it taking so long…or if a speaker is not everyone’s cup of tea…or if they see members starting to go elsewhere? You beta ya they do! But more than that…these godly men and women are committed to finding the man whom God has called to be our new Sr. Pastor.

I think it’s also time to give thanks to fellow members of Kindred for remaining committed to Christ Jesus and each other. It makes a big difference when we are involved with one another and connected. That became clear to me recently when I thought on Sunday…I might like to go and hear a preacher at a church that I’ve heard is a great Bible study teacher. But I realized…that gee wiz…I couldn’t because it was my week to serve in this area or that area.

That interconnectedness is also apparent when someone is on vacation or out of town…and their presence is greatly missed. Someone not being there is noticed. The love for other believers is made clear when people will come up and ask how you are doing if there has been a recent prayer request on your behalf or that of a family member or friend.

One of the things I love best about my church…is that it’s multigenerational. We have grandparents, parents and children of the same family that attend. Yet…there room for that person who doesn’t have any family…or if it’s just them or their spouse. Everyone is loved and welcomed in.

So this week…when I had a concern…and it was clear that God was reining me in to not necessarily speak my mind…I thought that perhaps He has another message instead.

Is God testing out hearts? Does He desire for us to cry out to Him? To go to Him in confident desperation…knowing He is able in His perfect timing to bring our new Pastor? To seek God and His will for our church? To draw close to Him…to have a listening ear for Him? Is He testing our hearts? Will we remain steadfast in studying the word of God? We will go to midweek studies? Will we study God’s word…only when it’s convenient? Or will we put in that extra push? Will we be committed to one another? Will we be divisive and back biting or grateful and committed?

I guess it’s a fine line to walk. There may be a time to speak up and share concerns with the Elders. There may also a time humble myself under their leadership…because I know of their commitment to finding God’s man. To trust God’s call on their lives as our leaders. Ultimately to trust God and His sovereignty and leadership during this time of transition.

In the mean time…I am grateful for God’s care and provision for our church. I must say…I’m prejudice…because I love the teaching of some of the men from Kindred…be it Dave Dunn…my favorite Bible study teacher…or Jack Grogger and Joe Rispoli godly leaders who work with the youth of our church. No matter if it’s one of our homegrown men…or a visiting Pastor…Kindred’s pulpit has never been empty.

Perhaps it’s also a reminder that we as body of Christ need to be praying for the man who will be teaching us from God’s word that week. Knowing that He is able to equip them each week. Knowing that God is also at work in their lives. They may just be passing through for a week or two…and we have a chance to show them the love of Christ.

Not only does God call us to be united, not divided. But He also counsels us that the most important thing is love.

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13

So to answer my opening question…when and where does a valid concern become a critical spirit? I think that when I stop walking in love. When I make it about me…and not about God. When I’m walking in pride…not walking humbly with my God. When I fail to be grateful for God’s provisions.

A fine line to walk…but I know of One who will walk it with me. All praise, honor and glory be to Jesus Christ my Lord. Amen!

Now if I may be so bold…if I could ask any Christians reading this post to lift up Kindred Community Church and say a prayer for our church that God in His perfect timing will raise up the man of God whom He has called. That we will have ears to hear…and a heart to obey God each step of the way. Thank you so much for your much coveted prayers for my beloved church.

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GOP…Perhaps It’s…

Posted in Amnesty, Conservatives, GOP, President Bush, Republican Party by

Perhaps it’s because I’m tired of being screamed at while stopped at a signal waiting for the light to turn green…called every name in the book by some peacenik that purports to want peace…but ain’t exactly giving an effective testimony.

Perhaps it’s because I don’t understand why President Bush has supported a failed amnesty bill that would only serve to make matters worse, nor does it contain any realistic way address or correct the issues connected with illegal immigration.

Perhaps it’s because President Bush is about as far away from being a great communicator that Reagan was…and still speak the English language.

Perhaps its Bush’s resolute silence and failure to speak loudly and resoundingly of our successes in Iraq. Seemingly sitting there in silence with a confidence that one day…he will be proved right about Iraq and then the whole world will know…all the while his supporters regularly get verbally attacked. They are trying to fight the good fight…while President Bush remains silent. There are times…I feel like Charlie Brown…and President Bush is Lucy yanking the football just as I go to kick it. What worked 40 or 50 years ago, doesn’t work today’s fast paced, media savvy world. A lie undisputed is believed and must, truly must be refuted with the truth.

Or perhaps it’s because President Bush can’t seem to get 700 plus miles of fence built…as promised…in a country that put man on the moon almost 40 years ago. Or can’t follow the lead of then Governor Pete Wilson who said damn the torpedoes…full speed ahead as he successfully had the 10 Freeway overpass rebuilt following it’s destruction in 1994’s earthquake. Perhaps we need to put Pete in charge of building the fence. What our President and Senators fail to take into account…is not so much the cost of building the fence…but the cost that increases exponentially every day that we delay. Costs that will only continue to mount in the future.

Whatever that “perhaps” is that’s tipped the scale…it’s what caused me to remove the Bush Cheney 2004 bumper stickers from my car. It’s the same thing that caused me to delight in not only declaring “No…I would not send the Republican National Committee or the National Republican Senators Committee” any money…when they called for support to stand up against the Democrats. It’s the reason why I got into a debate with some kid doing fund raising for the NRSC…and was grateful when he finally understood that well was dry. No amount of pressure or persuasion was going to make a difference. The answer was “No” and this girl was sticking to it and my “No” would be respected.

It’s funny because I remember a day…when I was bummed out when I was in a car accident few years back. Not because of the accident…but because my back bumper would no longer hold the original 2000 Bush bumper sticker. It’s ironic…because I know of the successes we are having in Iraq because I’m plugged into some of the most respected and responsible conservative talk radio…with the likes of Dennis Prager and Hugh Hewitt.

I consider myself pretty realistic…and while I hate the idea of people cutting in line and getting away with wrong doing…I do understand that we will likely have some form of amnesty for the illegal aliens from south of the boarder. Make no mistake…cutting in line and being rewarded for it is wrong. Pushing your way in front of people who want to come to this country…but do so legally and respect our laws and sovereignty…just ain’t right.

But until such time that we stop the flow of illegal immigrants coming into the country…we can’t even debate what will be done with those already here. Amnesty without enforcement? How is it that I understand the importance of building the fence…when it seems to eludes the understanding of our President and conservative Republican Senators? What about employer sanctions for those who hire illegal aliens? There isn’t an abundance of people who come to this country illegally who want to be US citizens…instead they are coming for the financial benefits.

Can you tell me why the likes of Trent Lott wants to resort to the 20 year old liberal policy of the “Fairness Doctrine”…just because his constituents hold his feet to the fire when he’s going down the wrong road in supporting a ridiculous amnesty bill. “Trent…would you like any cheese with that whine?” Trent I think you’ve lost touch with who your supporters are…you are biting the proverbial hand that feeds you.

What in the world is happening to the conservative party of mine? Just who the heck am I going to be supporting come election time? Well it ain’t going to be the “liberal”, “progressive”, Democratic Party…even though Ted Kennedy and John McCain seem to be getting along swimmingly.

I ain’t voting for some person who supports abortion rights of the women, conception to up to the point of delivery. The person who thinks it’s okay to stab a baby that’s still in the womb…in the head and suck out their brains. That a baby in the womb is only valuable and deserves life if it’s mother deems it so. I ain’t supporting a person who thinks that murderers ought to live out their natural lives in jail…when their innocent victims lay in their grave. Or worse yet…think that murderers and pedophiles can be released from prison after some therapy “cures them” and after they’ve paid their debt to society. Just how is it that you pay for murdering someone? How can you ever repay society for having sex with countless children just for your sick perverted satisfaction? Or those that think teenage girls should be able to have abortions without their parent’s knowledge and consent? But by golly…if you take an Advil while at school…consider yourself signed up for detention and education on drug use. You know the ones I mean…the same ones that won’t let your daughter have an aspirin for cramps while she’s at school…but will protest and give their support of her right to light up a joint.

We live in a pretty mixed up world….one that is entirely upside down.

But like I told the poor guy that called for Republican fund raising…I’d rather the conservative Republicans fight with all they’ve got and do the right thing and loose then to give in and knuckle under like wimps. It’s pathetic. I now belong to the pathetic party…thats lost it’s way.

What party it will be voting with next election? What candidate? I haven’t a clue. But I’ll tell you this…it won’t be persons who hold hands and sing “Kumbaya” with Ted Kennedy.

I use to belong to the Grand Old Party…now I belong to the Gutless Old Party. Or as Dennis Prager refers to it…the Stupid Party. If things keep going that way…I won’t be part of the GOP at all.

Soon it will be “Hasta la bye, bye as I mark my ballot for persons and a party that represents my values and those who uphold the Constitution and laws of this great nation…the United States of America…the greatest country on God’s green earth (to borrow a quote from Michael Medved).

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At the End of the Day…Obeying God in the Little Things

Posted in At the End of the Day, Attack from the enemy, Obedience by

For one who is at times amazingly slow on the uptake…or painfully slow when it comes to learning lessons…I’m grateful that God continues to work with me. That He doesn’t give up. But instead He takes the time to pound home the message into this hard head of mine.

It seems as if one of the areas of frequent and successful attack from the enemy lately is with regards to time. Time…where I’m busy from the moment I get up bright and early…even before the dawn of the morn. To the moment my head hits to pillow much too late at night for one who rises early.

Six days a week…my alarm clock wakes me up just a little before 4 AM. Most days…I struggle with getting out of bed when I first hear the alarm. Due in part because I head off to bed, ever so late. That little sin doesn’t seem like much does it…in the scheme of things. When in fact…it’s quite impactful.

Not only with the obvious consequence of being tired all the time, but I find it hard to concentrate because I’m so tired. The time I do spend working on projects may take longer because I’m not able to give 100% …because I’m tired. I get distracted easily…led from one task to another simply because it catches my eye.

That’s the practical everyday consequences. More import than those is the consequence that impacts my relationship with God. By time I head off to bed…I find it hard to spend a lot of time in prayer or devote time to reading my Bible. That is why I think this time thing is an effective instrument of the enemy. He is quite crafty…and will do whatever he has to do to distract the Christian from what God has called them to do.

So even now…I will heed God’s to me…to obey Him and head off to bed. Albeit…a titch later than I intended. Nighty, night!

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A Little Something

Posted in Bible Study, Biblical Ignorance, Compromised Church, poem, Uncategorized by

Today we learned a little something,
About God,
Now…let me tell you why I weep.

When I hear quotes from the wisdom of man,
In place of godly counsel from the Word of God,
Then I weep.

When I hear stories about some man made superhero,
Instead of Bible history…tales of men transformed by the power of God,
Then I weep.

When I hear scripture overly simplified,
Rather than digging deep into the bountiful treasure of the Word of God,
Then I weep.

When I see the church swept downstream into today’s culture,
Instead of offering the Way to come up higher,
Then I weep.

When I forget that my salvation is a work of God,
Not of man…whose works are as filthy rags,
Then I weep.

When I see the church effortlessly float downstream,
Instead of exercising faith building study in the Word of God,
Then I weep.

When I partake of cotton candy that melts in my mouth,
Instead of chewing on the meat of God’s word,
Then I weep.

When I see interest waning,
Instead of excitement building at the study of God’s Word,
Then I weep.

When I neglect the Word of God,
Set it aside for something more palatable to my weakened and sinful mind,
Then I weep.

When I, in ignorance, neglect God’s character and lay aside His instruction,
I unknowingly strip God of His power in my life,
Then I weep.

When I fail to learn and abide by what God says is right,
And I unwittingly invite sin to creep its way back into my life,
Then I weep.

When I allow my life to be ordinary,
An example to none,
Then I weep.

When I choose to live,
A settled for life,
Then I weep.

When I think I’m saved,
But my life is not changed, transformed by the power of Holy Spirit,
Then I weep.

When I allow the light within me to be dimmed,
My life not salty, lacking in savor and good for nothing,
Then I weep.

When I’m indwelt by the Holy Spirit,
But not daily filled to live by the power of God,
Then I weep.

When I strip God of His power,
Quench the Spirit’s work within me because of easy and lazy unbelief,
Then I weep.

When I fail to learn about God,
His mighty and transforming work in the lives of sinful man,
Then I weep.

When I neglect the work of His hands,
Forgetting His deeds of old and His ability and desire to do the same today,
Then I weep.

When I forget that by His Word that He spoke everything into existence,
When I’m hard pressed to tell you the Ten Commandments, much less live by them,
Then I weep.

When I don’t know of God’s faithfulness,
And forget about His deliverance of Israel time and time again,
Then I weep.

When I think that Jesus came to show us how to live,
Instead of to die, the only worthy propitiation for my sins,
Then I weep.

Today we learned a little something about God,
Today I fear that instead…we learned that God is a little something,
Thus today I weep.

By Susan Bunts
June 24, 2007

This poem is dedicated to those with whom I share a passionate concern about the church today and the body of Christ. Donna and Jay Hoyt…you two come to mind first and foremost. Thank you for your uncompromising faithful love of the Word of God…and the souls of men…so that all may come to repentance. It should be noted that the title of this poem is inspired by comments by Beth Moore that when we do a “little study about God”, we instead make God a “little something”.

I find myself increasingly distressed by today’s church. One that settles for the stories of man, instead of the diligently studying of God’s Word. I fear that we are being influenced by today’s culture rather than impacting the culture around us for Christ. No longer are our lives transformed by the power of God. If we continue to settle for stories of men rather then insist on being taught and diligently studying the Word of God, then we will continue to live ordinary and ineffective lives. Our lives and our work will come to naught unless we are transformed by the Word of God and the work Holy Spirit within us. Only then we can be mighty instruments in the hand of a holy, righteous, just and powerful God. God…Who is an all consuming fire.

When we live the settled for life, when we try to live life based upon our own power, instead of yielding to Christ Jesus within, we will not impact the culture in any effective way. Unsaved persons will see nothing desirous in our lives that will cause them to seek Jesus. When I’m doing the same thing as the unbeliever sitting next to me…that doesn’t speak well of my religion.

I weep at the “settled for” Christian life. I believe that when I get to heaven, I will be grieved as I look at the lost opportunities and look at a life that was far from victorious.

I see the church today…along with our culture….trying to bring God down to our level. Our churches almost apologetically ask parishioners to turn in their Bible to the passage that they will be studying. Topical sermons can’t take the place of genuine Bible study. Don’t get me wrong…because one of my favorite Pastors, Charles Stanley, is a topical preacher. When he preaches you are getting fed the Word of God…and it’s not dumbed down. But I wonder…how many Pastors preach topical sermons…because of the challenge that straight Bible study presents?

It’s odd…but I think it both funny and sad when Pastors say “if you have your Bible with you, please turn to page…”. For Pete’s sakes…if you are at church or a Bible study…you should have your Bible with you. Yes…there may be some new folks that don’t have their Bible with them…visitors who didn’t bring their Bible or persons who don’t know Christ. But the church should have Bibles on hand for them to use and participate with.

I think of my own dear beloved Pastor Chuck Obremski…if you left your Bible at home or forgot it…you can be sure you’d get a verbal swat upside the head. Chiding in a good natured and playful fashion…but one that was also serious. He was someone to hold our feet to the fire. If not our Pastor…then pray tell whom?

I think we’ve forgotten how awesome is our God. He is holy…so much so that the angels proclaim “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.” He can not be contained, nor tamed. Try as we might…He will not be brought down to our level. He is all powerful…one little word from Him…and it is so.

It’s easy to forget the awesome magnificence of God…when I fail to study His word. It’s also convenient…because if I don’t know what His word says…then I’m okay with living however I want to. The conviction of the Holy Spirit isn’t quite as loud when I don’t study God’s Word. It also means I don’t have to speak up when I see someone around me living a life that is sinful before God. I’m not obligated to warn them…if I don’t know what God says in His word. After all…speaking God’s word…to someone living in sin can make for some uncomfortable times. But my discomfort in doing so, is momentary in relation to the possible eternal consequences that person may face if they die without accepting Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on the cross for their sins.

I find myself grieved when I look at the state the church today…especially in the American culture. If I this sinful wretch of a human being feels that way…what must God feel?

We have been given a treasure beyond measure…the Word of God. It is eternal…as are the souls of men. Ought I not be treating both with the seriousness and reverence that Jesus Christ does?

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Obedience Yes…Happiness No

Posted in Happiness, High view of God, Joy in the Lord, Obedience by

Sometimes I stumble across a website where I admire the author’s work. Perhaps I feel a connection because we have similar backgrounds or maybe we are going though a certain stage in our lives and God uses their work to touch me. One such person is Janna at Bread Crumbs. I love to read her work…and she always evokes much thought when I read her blog/devotional. She is open and transparent…has a high or proper view of God and is spot on in her theology. She loves God…and people too.

On a recent visit to her blog…found an article in which she talked about her occasional struggle about not wanting to go to church on Sunday. When struck by that temptation…she did in fact go to church out of obedience to God. She put God first, not her feelings.

Occasionally I’ve done the same thing. I wake up on Sunday morning…and for whatever reason…I’m not feeling good…or I’m too tired…and I think “Gee wiz…I don’t feel like going to church today.” But when I lay back down I can’t fall asleep. I’m restless and try as I may…sleep evades me. So I get up, get ready and go to church. Each time when I’ve struggled with that desire and but choose instead to obey God instead…I am thankful that I did. Choosing to obey God’s command that we not forsake the assembling of one another.

The few times I’ve allowed the part of me that wants to withdrawal and stay home to win…I find it very empty. I don’t have my emotional and spiritual tanks filled for the week ahead. Even if I listen to a ministry or two on the TV or radio…it’s not the same as being in church.

The people on the TV or radio don’t know me…they don’t care about me…and they don’t hold me accountable. There is no interaction with those I care about. No hugs from Al…no bugging Mike, Norm and Merilynne at the tape table. There is no Ruth and prayer team to greet Kindred members and follow up on the prayer requests that they’ve so diligently prayed for. There are no hugs for my favorite Kindred girls Ramona and Lisa…and no updates from Doreen on the latest happenings at the Apple household. The worship is just not as sweet unless it’s in person when led by the likes of David, Lou, Kristal and Dave. I’m not moved as much by some anonymous choir as I am when I see my beloved Kindred choir raising their voices in praise to Christ Jesus.

Bottom line…I’m not spiritually equipped for the battle ahead. I don’t enjoy the time…in fact I feel guilty. Not guilt from God per say….but guilt because I knew the right thing to do…but intentionally chose to override the right thing…and replace it with that which is wrong. Those times I’ve chosen to stay home…not because I’m sick…but just because I don’t feel like going to church are the times where I’ve put myself over God. When I have a high view of Susan…which is in essence a low view of God which allows me to put my will over and above God’s will?

I think that when Satan tires the hardest to keep me from church is the time I need to be there the most. Those times when God has a message that He has prepared for me. Something special…to minister to or correct me when and where I need it most.

I find it amusing and self deceptive when I hear a Christian’s taking a wrong action and then try to justify it by saying “But God wants me to be happy!” The truth be told…that’s not accurate. God desires our obedience over our happiness any day of the week.

That’s not to say that God does not want us to be happy. To be more precise…God desires that we will have joy in the Him. When our joy is in the Lord…happiness may be a result thereof. But more importantly…when we delight ourselves in God…we will more likely be obedient to His will and calling on our lives. He desires that we put Him first…that we love the Lord our God with all our heart, mind soul and strength. The second is like unto it…that we love others as ourselves. It’s hard to do that when I only watching TV preachers or listening to ministries on the radio.

When I do that…I do have joy and peace with God…and indeed that contentment and happiness is not dependent on my circumstances.

Not only do we deprive ourselves of fellowship with other believers when we fail to go to church…but we are not a contributing member to our local body of Christ when we stay home.

Don’t get me wrong…I love the amazing resources that are available to the church of Christ today. We have an amazing plethora of ministries available to Christians and others today. Most definitely we should partake…but not if it means that we will forsake the assembling of one another in corporate worship of Jesus Christ.

Obedience to God’s word will spare us from suffering the result of our sin and living in regret. No matter what hard times we encounter…we have the unbroken fellowship of God and fellow Christians when we walk in obedience to Christ.

God desires our obedience over us being happy. He wants us to have joy…to take joy and delight in Him…our Lord Christ Jesus. A natural by product of that joy of the Lord will be living lives that are clean and don’t bear the weight and burden of sin from bad choices outside of God’s will for our lives.

No where have I seen God declare that he wishes for me to be happy. Especially being happy at the expense of obedience to His word. But I do see instruction from God that I am to delight in Him and obey Him. Through His grace and mercy and my obedience to His call I will one day enter into the joy of my master.

Daily I can choose…obedience God and His word…or choose Susan’s happiness as I put my feelings over and above Christ. One will result in joy, peace and eternal rewards that will never fade. One will result in temporary happiness that easily fades and is dependent upon my circumstances and whims of my fickle feelings.

Uhhh…”choose this day Whom you will serve!” The Lord or me…will I choose wisely today? Will I recognize my choices for what they are? If I choose to serve me and my feelings…how am I any different than the rest of an unbelieving world?

I need to be mindful…on my own power I will always choose me. But through the power of the Holy Spirit living within me…when I yield to Him…I will choose wisely. “Choose this day Whom you will serve!” Lord I choose You!

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6/10/07 At the End of the Day…the Center of God’s Will

Posted in At the End of the Day, God's Will by


“God…I want to be at the center of Your will. Dead center…spot on. If this is not Your desire than I pray that You will close the door so hard that I can not mistake Your will. I pray that I will desire Your will for my life so much that I will hear only Your words and not my own desire. God…I would rather be on the road that You designed for me…a road not of my own choosing with you…than to be on the road I want to be on but without You.”

Those words were my prayer over the last few days and weeks as I applied for a new job and awaited word on the results. I found myself at absolute peace…and was comfortable with the thought of someone else getting the job instead of me. Yet…I desired a change and was hopeful that this would be what God has called me to.

But I knew…no matter what…if it wasn’t God’s will…I didn’t want it. I want Jesus walking with me daily…not me wandering off on some wild trek that looks appealing to my flesh.

So when I got the call and the offer I was at peace. Somewhat excited…but mostly at peace. It wasn’t something to boast or brag about…except to rejoice in God’s faithfulness to me through a difficult year.

I’m excited for a number of reasons…including the opportunity to learn a new area of the business. To continue to learn and grow. I also feel that God has a definite calling on me regarding this job. What exactly that call is…I don’t know…but He does and He will reveal it in His perfect timing. But I’m mindful that there is no greater risk of failure than now…right after I have had a success. I risk being prideful and believing that my success has to do with me and something that I did…instead of knowing that this was a work of God.

So it is with fear and trembling that I will step into this new role…cognizant that it is imperative that I walk in a manner that will bring praise, honor and glory to Christ Jesus. This group of people doesn’t know me…and it’s a place where I don’t have an established track record. I may have been employed for almost 23 years continually with the same company…bought out several times over…but these folks are new to me and I to them.

I give Jesus praise for the work He has done. I ask Him to help me to do excellent work and finish my current job strong. To leave with a good record as far as the work and people go.

I’ve learned a lot being in this place I didn’t want to be. It’s revealed things in me…both good and not so good. I’ve learned how important it is to have a good attitude…even in the midst of difficult times or when you daily have curve balls thrown at you. I’ve learned the importance of working diligently…no matter what my neighbor does. I’m accountable to God for me…not them. I’ve learned that stress will take it’s toll on my body…and that I need to take better care of my body, mind, soul and spirit. I’ve learned that while I may have a few health challenges…to be thankful that in the scheme of things…it’s minor and a condition that I can do something about it. I’ve learned to be thankful for having health insurance. In all my years of employment…I’ve gone to the doctor more this last year than the proceeding 22 years. I’ve learned that I’ve still got far to go. That it seems too hard and unachievable and that I’d better be on my knees in prayer seeking wisdom, guidance and strength.

I’ve been reminded about a core principal that I’ve had and known over the years…and that is to pray for my enemies. When I have someone difficult…that I don’t like or someone who has caused me a boat load of hurt…that there is only one remedy…and that is prayer. Not prayer that God will smite them…but instead to pray for them. Pray for their needs, cares, woes and concerns. To give over to God my hurt and bitterness over past hurts so that I might forgive. Do I walk a perfect walk…and struggle no more? Yeah right…uhhhh…not even. But I have improved and do work through this process quicker than before. Thank You Lord!

I’ve learned that I want to pursue God and follow hard after His lead in my life. I’ve learned that I need more sleep…thus an abrupt close to this article…as my body beckons that I arise and turn off the computer and head to bed…which I will do.

Good night to you all…wishing you evening grace as you follow in the wake of God’s will.

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6/4/07 At the End of the Day…What a Difference a Year Makes

Posted in At the End of the Day, God's Will, Trusting God by

This year on June 1st, I found myself again at a crossroads…only this time…I’m filled with peace and a desire to follow hard after God and His will.

Last year…well that’s a different story. It had been months and months of uncertainty. Our company had been bought out and the team I was once a part of…most of the folks had job interviews and knew one way or the other if they had a job. Some received offers and others received a painful phone call that they would not be offered a job. They set their face forward and moved on into an uncertain future.

My exact fate was still uncertain. I had multiple interviews…and no answers. No thumbs up…or down. And then a phone call came and I was invited to travel far away for a big interview. I was hopeful. After all why in the world would they fly someone that far that they wouldn’t consider seriously for the job? The trip was your basic trip from you know where…but in the midst of it…God strengthened me, upheld me and enabled me to get through that day…and the many months to come.

As odd as it sounds…I never got an official word from those that interviewed me. The job remained open for months and months. Each time it posted…I reapplied. But it all came to naught.

During this time…I was emotionally torn up. I knew what I wanted…but I couldn’t see my way clear to make it happen. As I look back with the wisdom of hindsight…I can see clearly that God had closed that door. What God has closed…can never be opened. But I didn’t quite get that then.

I thought perhaps it was a test of perseverance…and God just wanted to make sure that I was going to trust Him…and believe Him…no matter what. That I wasn’t going to look at my circumstances but instead look to Him who would fight for me.

I guess that was indeed the test. But proving grounds were different that I could have ever imagined. I never got that which I had so desperately sought and desired. The question is…would I preserve in my faith and trust God in the midst of deep disappointment? Would I trust God…even as I asked why…even when answers were not forth coming? Trust God as He led me on a path I didn’t want to travel? Was I going to look to Him and not my circumstances to determine my love for God? Was I…did I? Uhhh…not exactly.

It was much different than I would have ever imagined. I was ready to persevere to get that which I wanted. But I wasn’t ready…it never crossed my mind that I would have to preserver in my faith as I got that which I did not desire.

It was an awful time…a time of great loss…a time that I made all the worse because I didn’t fully trust God. I didn’t trust the God who created the universe and everything in it by merely speaking His powerful Word. I didn’t fully believe…with a deep down personal faith…that God works all things together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. I valued my hopes and dreams over and above His plan for my life.

To quote Elf…I was a cotton headed ninny muggings! Here, here…I’ll second that.

Despite my roller coaster…wobbly faith…my God was faithful. He showed me His tender mercies…and poured out His grace upon me. Before my path…he brought people…who would help make the unbearable, bearable. Those who would share a kindness or two even as I bore the emotional wounds from that of a friend. It’s those wounds that cut the deepest…and take the longest to heal. But God brought the salve of friendship to heal those wounds. Slowly but surely…those scars have mended. On occasion they are a bit tender still…and if I choose to dwell on them…they are still visible. But when I’m busy and set upon the work God has called me to do…they seem so very distant, small and even unimportant.

So as this June 1st rolled around and I found myself once again waiting to see if God is would open up a door on a new job opportunity…I was pleasantly surprised to feel an absolute peace.

My prayer is not…God get me out of here…or help me get that job. Instead…my prayer is God…please make Your will known to me. If this is not Your will…please I beg You make it ever so clear…so I don’t go down that wrong road. Shut that door…with a load bang that even a slower learner like me can’t mistake for a no. Please God…reveal Your will for me in this situation.

I am not anxious…and would feel a genuine peace if someone else got the job I applied for. In looking at the circumstances…it looks like God may be leading this way. But I don’t want to read something into it that’s not there.

I want to follow hard after God. I want to be dead center in the middle of His will for my life. Better that I be on a path not of my own choosing with God…and on my own path alone.

So here I wait to see what God is going to do. Is this just a test to see if I will choose wisely? Will I trust God this time around? Or will I seek to bring about what I want no matter what God wants?

It doesn’t matter if this is a test…or if God opening the door to move me in a different direction. It doesn’t matter…because all I want is His will…not my own.

I do pray that if another person gets this job…that I will be joyful for them.

When I look back and see why I experienced closed doors last year…I know why He closed them. I understand now…I get it. Yet I’m mindful that while God may use our wrong actions to bring about His predetermined plan…He will also hold each of us accountable for our choices and actions. Just as He did on the nations he allowed to come up against Israel. It didn’t negate their responsibility and consequences…even when God used it as part of His plan.

There is no better place to be than in the center of God’s will. I wonder what this last year would have been like if God’s will had been my overriding desire and determined purpose?

If per chance God opens up this new avenue…I’m very aware that this is just a tool and a means that He will use for His purposes and plan. May I praise God…no matter what happens!

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6/3/07 – At the End of the Day…The Sweet Spot

Posted in At the End of the Day, Sweet Spot, Worship Music by

It’s hard to say…which is my favorite. Is it the worship music when we sing praises to our Savior? Or is it hearing the word of God taught uncompromisingly…and powerfully? Powerful…like a two edged sword, able to divide soul and spirit. Or is it the fellowship with this body of believers I’ve come to love so very much? The answer is yes…yes whole heartedly to all three. I can’t choose.

But I must confess…the thing that stays with me is when we as a congregation hit that sweet spot. When we’ve been singing songs of praise. Our voices blended together in sweet harmony…and suddenly the band stops playing their instruments. But their voices sing loud and clear as we the congregation join with them…unified in praise to our beloved Savior Christ Jesus.

That is the sweet spot…the thing I carry with me throughout the week. I may find myself humming the song…or even singing softly in unexpected places.

To me…this is a small reflection of what heaven will be like. In fellowship with beloved believers…part of the body of Christ…unified in love and praise for our Savior…our Alpha and Omega…King of kings and Lord of Lords…Christ Jesus our Lord.

Today’s sweet spot has left me singing “How great is our God, sing with me how great is our God. How great is our God…”

How Great is Our Lord
Lyrics by Christ Tomlin

The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty
Let all the earth rejoice
All the earth rejoice

He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide
And trembles at His voice
Trembles at His voice

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

Age to age He stands
And time is in His hands
Beginning and the end

Beginning and the end
The Godhead Three in One
Father Spirit Son

The Lion and the Lamb
The Lion and the Lamb
Name above all names

Worthy of all praise
My heart will sing
How great is our God

How great is our God, sing with me
How great is our God, and all will see
How great, how great is our God

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If it’s Wednesday…this must be Kindred…or Surely God was in this place!

Posted in Bible Study, Revelation by

Well alrighty…I admit it…this post is a wee bit late. You see I wrote it right after Bible Study a week and a half ago…but didn’t quite put my finishing touches on it. With a busy week…I didn’t make the time to go back and finish it up. So this may be a day late…but goodness knows with God’s word you can never be a dollar short.

On Wednesday evening May 20th, Dave Dunn continued in our study in the book of Revelation…finishing up with the last letter to the seven churches…the church of Laodicea. With the six preceding churches…Jesus had both commendation and condemnation…except for the church of Philadelphia. Jesus praised them for their patient endurance in the midst of a city that had become the synagogue of Satan.

Laodicea on the other hand was only worthy of condemnation from Jesus. This was not a church that had merely gotten off track. There is no remnant mentioned who remained faithful. No…they had become so wretched that Jesus said he would spew them out of his mouth. The people of the church at Laodicea were not saved. Instead they had become a part of the culture they lived in…oblivious of their precarious unsaved state. It disgust Jesus…and made Him want to vomit. They were not salt and light to a lost and dying world. They relied upon their wealth to make them acceptable to their fellow man and to God. Only thing is…God doesn’t play our games.

There is but one cure for our sin…and that is the cleansing blood of the Lamb…Christ Jesus. There is nothing that I can do in and of myself to save myself or be worthy or deserving of that salvation. Not only am I poor in spirit…but I am morally and spiritually bankrupt, unable to save myself…I’m dead in my sins. There is but one requirement…that is to receive the free gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. When I do that…I am born again…a new creation in Christ. As I grow in Christ…I will bear fruit.

The church of Laodicea bears a striking resemblance some churches today. Churches that blend into the culture…so much so that there is precious little to distinguish them from the culture they are surrounded by. Churches that think it best to tone down that Gospel message so as to not given offence to any visitors who might be insulted by a message that speaks of sin, repentance and salvation. Churches where Bibles are few and far between…but don’t worry because they will flash the passage on the screen in todays easy to understand versions of the Bible. Didn’t study the passage…don’t be concerned…because the message is chock full of stories, amusing antidotes and quotes from the famous people…and nary a Biblical character is to be found.

The very medicine that the unsaved visitor needs to hear when they happen upon such a church on Sunday…is the very message they will be deprived of. We’d rather not offend them…than to look at the eternal consequence if they fail to accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. We don’t weigh in the balance…an uncomfortable moment we might feel when sharing the Gospel with a sinner…compared to the eternal, unending suffering they will endure if they die without accepting Christ.

Reading about Jesus condemnation of the church of Laodicea…makes me pause…and examine myself. The Laodiceans depended upon their wealth …and not on God. They thought that they didn’t need anything…not even from God. After all they had everything they needed….or so they thought. They had things…wealth and perhaps even the praises of men…but they didn’t have salvation.

I am cautioned that the deceitfulness of riches can creep in…even in my own life. When I have too much money…I don’t have to seek God’s will and wait for His timing to answer my prayers and take care of my needs. I can do it myself. I can comfort myself with thoughts that God has blessed me with all sorts of material possessions because I’m a good person…instead of reading the Word of God to see if my actions line up with His revealed will and plan. I can seek after what I want instead of seeking to know God better through His word and through prayer.

This particular Wednesday night concluded in an unusual fashion. Unbeknownst to most of us…we had a visitor towards the back of the room. After Dave had concluded his message the gentleman stood up to encourage us that the power of God’s word…is able to take a Laodicea type Christian…and transform them from being dead in his sins to alive in Christ. He talked about the power of Jesus Christ and the Word of God that had changed his life.

He went on to share that each year he reads through the Bible and each year he gets a new Bible. He has a dream that one day when he’s old and gray…his children and grandchildren will look upon his library shelves and see numerous Bibles. He’ll be able to tell them what God did in his life to transform him…and encourage them to read the Bible for themselves and receive Christ Jesus as Lord.

Our visitor was not only new to our class and church…but he was from out of state and in the area on business travel. He went on to share that he felt convicted because earlier in the day…when presented with the opportunity to tell a fellow businessman that he had found this great little church on a hillside with a cross shining in the night…he remained silent. He was regretful that he didn’t invite his friend to accompany him. He was refreshingly open and transparent in his faith walk.

As he shared his story…I too fell under the conviction of the Holy Spirit when I recalled that I had failed to take an opportunity to pray with a co-worker when we stopped for lunch following an errand we were on. She knows full well I’m a Christian…and I’ve even shared some CD’s with her. But when it came down to it…I took the easy way…or the comfortable way…rather than obey Christ. I choose compromise over doing the right thing.

I pray that in the future…I will have the courage to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. “Take”…as in purposefully, willfully and knowingly choosing to do that which is right, courageous and part of God’s perfect will. Will I? I pray…amen…so be it Lord Jesus!

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5/30/07 At the End of the Day…the Hope of Heaven

Posted in At the End of the Day, Hope, Uncategorized by

Tonight at Kindred Community Church Dave Dunn continued his study in the book of Revelation. We dove in chapter 4. Jesus had just finished giving His messages to the seven churches and now John seems to have an almost out of body experience as Jesus bid him to “Come up here and see what must take place”.

It was exciting and Dave has a way of bringing every nuance out of a passage or a verse. It makes it so rich and so very full. I tell you…when we study the word of God…I feel like the disciples on the road to Emmaus and want to shout “Didn’t our hearts burn within us!” The word of God is magnificent.

This lesson seemed to coincide with what God was impressing upon me today. I was interacting with someone…a non-believer…and was struck by how hopeless their life is….and I can understand why. If this is it…and I don’t know God…and if my earthly existence is messed up…then I would be utterly hopelessly depressed…in despair.

Without knowing in confidence that my sins are forgiven, paid in full…and that one day…I will go to heaven…how could I have peace? Peace with God, other people and myself? I couldn’t…plain and simple…it would be impossible. I would feel constantly on edge…wondering did I tip the scales enough in favor of good…so that God might approve of me. How much good is enough? And what happens if I die on the heels of a bad day…when I really blew it?

Or worse yet…that this world is it…and then I die. Yikes…don’t want to even go down that road.

I am so grateful that God by His predetermined plan…called me to be one of his own. I have a hope…and a future. Life down here…may be good…or bad. But at the end of the day…it pales in comparison to the hope and rewards that face me in eternity.

But the unbeliever on the other hand…has only what they have in the here and now. So what are they to do when problems abound? Problems at home, at work, in finances, with their health, in their marriage, with their children and with family. What’s a person to do when they can’t turn to God…because they don’t believe? How can anyone carry such burdens…burdens that they can’t lay down before a loving God? How do they make wise decisions…when they must rely on their own wisdom or the wisdom of the world? What books does an unbeliever consult? Whom do they esteem…and get wise counsel from? How do they know what’s right and wrong?

I guess I do know the answer to that after all. You see I came to Christ relatively late in life…at the age of 32. So I know first hand what a godless existence is like. I turned to myself for answers and wisdom and support…and what failing miserable existence that was. Now on the other side…I can testify to the goodness, kindness, faithfulness and mercies of my Lord…which are new every morning. Of rich graces that He pours out upon me daily.

The existence of an unbeliever is kind of like trying to navigate a maze in a lonely, cold, wet, muddy and dark tunnel. You feel your way…but have no solid point of reference to move towards…you don’t know if you are making progress or even moving in the right direction. You don’t have anyone to coach and encourage you. How sad…how very sad. It truly makes me want to pray that they too will one day have forgiveness of their sins…and the hope of heaven.

Indeed…I do have the hope of heaven. Not because of any good work of mine. That hope is based solely on the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. His atoning death…acceptable to the Father…a propitiation for my sins. More than that…I get the Holy Spirit who dwells within me…and marks me as one of His own. Sealed with an everlasting covenant. Nothing that Susan does…can change that or make it go away. So even after a bad day… I know I have forgiveness of my sins…and help for each day, each hour.

To top that I have the promise of heaven. Tonight Dave shared why he believes the interpretation of the rapture to be correct…and gave many scriptures to back it up. Just reading those scriptures brings a renewed sense of hope and peace. It is my prayer that those reading this may have that hope too. Need some assurance today? Need some hope…how about the hope of heaven? Read God’s word and be filled with hope filled to overflowing.

1 Thessalonians 4:16, 1 Corinthians 15:32, Revelation 3:7-8, 1 Corinthians 15:51-52, 1Thessalonians 4:17 & 4:13, Acts 1:11, Matthew 24:27, 1 Thessalonians 5:1-2, Genesis 5:21-24, Genesis 7, Genesis 19, 1Thessalonians 4:13-5:11, 1 Corinthians 15:51-58, Acts 1:10-11, 1 Thessalonians 1:9-10, Revelation 3:10, Revelation 19:11-14

To look up the passages…go to Bible Gateway…a most excellent tool in these extraordinary days.

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5/22/07 At the End of the Day…Change is in the Wind

Posted in At the End of the Day, Change, Eternal Perspective, Trusting God by

First I’d like to say thank you to Kim Beringer…my friend…and my encourager. What a wonderful thing to be known as…an encourager. Indeed she is that…and more. I’ve known Kim for a number of years now. When I reflect upon Kim what strikes me is that she is so very real in her faith and how she views life. Her faith runs deep…and it is a part of her. She doesn’t expect people or situations to be perfect…yet she always seeks to bring something to the table and make it better. Never will you hear a word gossip from her…but you will hear a tale of good that somebody’s done. She looks on the bright side of things…but doesn’t deny the hurt. She strikes a perfect pitch. Kim is my Yenta…and continues to encourage me in my desire to be married. Kim always shares a word of encouragement about my writing. I am most grateful to you dear one.

That day I was standing at the copier…about the last thing I expected was to see his face. After all he had left the company five years ago. I don’t remember him coming back to the building since then. Oh there was the occasional lunch and phone calls…but I never would have expected to seem him back here. In fact he and the family had just moved to North Carolina. Maybe that explains my surprise at seeing Terry Sullivan. But that doesn’t necessarily explain my tears.

I was shocked to seem him and felt like I was dreaming…even as I hugged him. He asked how I was…that’s when I started to tear up. I couldn’t hide it and I couldn’t explain it. Terry was passing through and just came in to say “hi”.

I think I was just overwhelmed with emotions…it made the losses of the past year seem all the more poignant. Terry asked how I was…and I said “I’m doing okay” and yet I cried.

Terry had been my boss for a number of years. Actually I remember him when he was but a young pup, up and coming…who went on to greatly prosper in his career. The thing I liked best about working with Terry…he’s a no nonsense kick butt…get things done kind of guy. Both for himself…and the team that he led. Terry was refreshing to work with…and he cared about people…and had a lot of courage. Seeing Terry…reminded me of how much I loved that which I had lost.

The past year has been a difficult one. Some ups and downs…an emotional roller coaster. Times when I let my faith fail me. It failed me when I got my eyes off Jesus and instead focused on me and my circumstances. But it was also a time to grow and ease into a place that I didn’t want to be planted. Even in the midst of that unplanned and undesired change…God brought people into my path…that made a difference for good. Without those people…I’m not sure how I would have made it through some very dark days. God used people to make a difference…a difference for good.

In short time we will be moving to a new location…the final step of being bought out will finally come to fruition. I will be leaving a building that I’ve been at for I don’t know how many years now…at least seven…maybe more.

I feel bittersweet about this. I will miss some of the folks that will remain with our old company. In some respects…I’ll just be glad to be done with it and have fresh start. The building holds so many memories…mostly good ones. But it’s kind of like having good memories of a wonderful marriage…only to have your spouse leave you. You are grateful for the good times…but thinking about them now only serves to bring you pain.

I had a job that I absolutely loved for so very long…and I’m grateful. I gave it my all…quality work…and continuing to improve was paramount with me. I wanted to continue to grow and better myself. I kept years and years of great records. Data that I had believed could be used to make the department and the company better.

But that all came to a screeching halt when we got word that the company had been sold. Instead now I was making back up discs of data…and sending away, throwing away pile, after pile, after pile…of my work. The work that I thought to be so very important…all of a sudden it was irrelevant. The time spent to make sure a report was accurate and picture perfect was now in trash bin. The work I had done…the goals I had came to naught.

I don’t think I realized it then…but after a year…I think I understand…it’s about the people. People who are loved by God and created in His image.

Don’t get me wrong. No matter what job I have…I’ll give I my all. I’ll work hard and give you my best. But at the end of the game…that work will one day just end up in a heap, in a pile of trash. What’s important…what matters is the people. If I get that wrong…if I’ve messed that up…then I’ve really blown it.

The job I had before I loved and was meaningful to me. I never, ever, wanted…to have “just a job”. But even now as I work…and reports that seem so critical and are needed yesterday…I’m cognizant…and at times overwhelmed…about how meaningless it is.

Recently I was talking with Beth at Bible Study Fellowship. Beth had just started a new job and was saying she liked it…that she found the work meaningful. She likes being able to do paperwork…it suited her and she felt like she was making a difference. I didn’t say anything…because I understand what that feels like. It’s nice when we have work that suits our skills, talents and abilities. But make no mistake…the work itself…at the end of the day will have no lasting value.

What’s it about? It’s about people. It’s about fulfilling God’s greatest commandment…to love the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul and strength…and love my neighbor as myself. People are of eternal value precisely because they were created in the image of God. The means by which we interact with them may be through our work. That is the avenue that God may use…and if He throws in a job we like…so much the better. But it’s not necessarily the work in and of itself. Of course there are exceptions…perhaps in the medical profession or law enforcement…and of course the ministry. But what’s the focus? People!

As a Christian…I must be a good worker. Someone who does outstanding work…so that I may bring glory, honor and praise to my Savior Christ Jesus. It’s also a means by which I may be given credibility…and build relationships. So when that time comes to be able to witness to them with the Gospel message…so that the seed of the Word of God may fall on good soil. Or it may be building relationships…so when difficult times come…I can be there because we have a relationship already in place and they know I care.

It’s about the people. They may think they need this report or that report…but really it’s about building relationships with people. People…not companies…are of eternal value.

We continue to have more and more changes. Even as we plan our move and pack boxes…more people have announced they are retiring or are leaving the company. People that I have known for years and years. Before I would have felt much sadder at their parting…but this year I almost feel numb…and tell them “good for you”. I think it’s a self defense…that way when they leave…it hurts a little less.

Well I say all that only to add that I’ve put in a bid for job within the company. I think I might like it…but don’t know for sure. It seems like God is opening doors. But at the same time…I feel absolutely at peace even if I don’t get the job…which is a pleasant surprise. After last year…and feeling absolutely torn up when I failed to get the job I wanted…I feel at peace and am trusting God in this one. If I get it great…if I don’t that’s okay too.

I feel a change in the wind…and I pause and feel like I’m putting my face into the wind. I contemplate and wonder…what would it be like to go into the ministry? Into a job where I was doing work of eternal or lasting value? Would I find it more meaningful…knowing my work was impacting the kingdom of God?

I guess in some respects…all work can impact the kingdom of God. Either for good or bad. Will I choose to be mindful of the truly important things? Will my focus be on that which is of eternal value…the souls of men and the Word of God? It can be my focus right now…will it be?

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Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!
E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me,
still all my song shall be,
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee! 
 
Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down,
darkness be over me, my rest a stone;
yet in my dreams I'd be
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee! 
 
There let the way appear, steps unto heaven;
all that thou sendest me, in mercy given;
angels to beckon me
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee! 
 
Then, with my waking thoughts bright with thy praise,
out of my stony griefs Bethel I'll raise;
so by my woes to be
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee! 
 
Or if, on joyful wing cleaving the sky,
sun, moon, and stars forgot, upward I fly,
still all my song shall be,
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!


Lyrics: Sarah F. Adams, 1805-1848,  Music:  Lowell Mason, 1792-1872

David…as we sung this hymn this morning I thought of you…and your love for hymns. So this one is dedicated to you dear one!

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5/19/07 At the End of the Day…Visible Faith

Posted in Faith, Prayer, Trust by

I have a few people in my life that I genuinely admire. People whom have qualities or whose character truly stands out.

What stands out about one such person…is her faith. It comes out…not just in her words…which are quite eloquent…but in how she lives her life. What she does, what she says…and how she treats people. It’s also quite visible when I look at how she approaches God…understands Him…how she loves Him and how she shares that love with others.

She is ever so humble…and would be quite embarrassed if I were to reveal her name. She would protest…and immediately give all praise to her Savior Christ Jesus. Indeed…he has transformed this woman into a most gracious example of His love.

One thing that is apparent is her peace. No matter the circumstance…she carries that peace. Peace which passes all understanding is deep within her. The peace she has is not based on circumstances going her way…happening within her time frame…or because she has been blessed with perfect health or finances. Instead it’s an implicit trust in her Savior…in His character and His word.

It’s truly something to behold. When her prayer ends with “Thy will be done”…it’s not just for show or a closing to a prayer. She doesn’t hesitate to pray exactly for what is seemingly needed. Yet…she humbly submits all things to God’s will. She has a boldness and confidence in her prayers to God…yet she knows He will never answer anything that is against His will. She is quite willing to relinquish the controls over to Jesus.

Her prayers give evidence that she truly believes the Bible when it states…that God works all things together for good for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purposes. Knowing that even the direst of circumstances are not beyond God’s redeeming power.

Her sight is not on her circumstances. She does not waver because she is centered on Christ Jesus. It reminds me of a tiny sparrow tucked safely in her nest in the cleft of a rock…as a storm wails and unleashes its flurry around her…she remains safe, warm and dry.

Seeing such faith lived out…not just for show on Sunday…but in everyday life…is truly something to behold. Indeed she is tucked safely in the cleft of the Rock…the King of kings and Lord of lords.

I find it challenges me in my faith to come up higher. When I see someone demonstrating such faith…and see the faithfulness of God…I desire to have that kind of living and visible faith. It also makes me realized how impacting our faith or lack thereof can be on others. That ought to make me tremble with a healthy fear.


“Fear of the Lord…is the beginning of wisdom.” – Proverbs 1:7

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5/16/07 At the End of the Day…Random Reflections

Posted in At the End of the Day, God's Love by

Tonight…was another wonderful night at Bible study. Dave Dunn is going through the book of Revelation. We’ve been going through the letters to the seven churches…one a week. Dave just jam packs the study. First he paints a historical word picture of what that culture would have been like. He’s so effective…there are times I swear I could step from the pages into the city. It makes understanding the passage so much richer and fuller.

Tonight we studied about the church at Philadelphia…the one church that God commended…and held no charge against. We learned that Philadelphia had been known by two other names…Neocaesarea and Flavia after Roman Caesars. So when Jesus says to he who overcomes that Jesus “will write on him the name of God, and the name of the city of God and I will also write on him My new name” that meant something to them.

Bear with me…not sure if I can explain my thinking on this. But to me…it spoke of love and marriage and a deep abiding love…so much so that you want to be identified with and connected to the one you love…and have it known to all. And Jesus says that He will write it…a personal touch. Our Savior will write that name upon us.

You see…for as long as I remember I’ve wanted to be married. When I get married…and want to take and bear my husband’s last time. To be known as one. What a wonderful thing to do…bestow upon your bride your last name…and what a wonderful loving thing that bears witness to.

In the New Testament…the church is referred to as the “bride of Christ”. So having that new name bestowed upon us by our Savior Christ Jesus…seems such a rich extravagant love. He cares for us…and makes it known by giving us His name.

Well what’s in a name? A whole heck of a lot…especially when you read the Bible. The name of the people often described their character. So much so that when they had an encounter with God and He changed them…he gave them new name to reflect that change.

When we receive Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior…we take the name Christian. What we do is reflection on Him….for good or bad. When I grasp that…I realize that if I act unbecomingly…it reflects on Jesus. It makes me want to be cautions and bring glory to my Lord…not reproach. Bring glory to the One I love.

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The Day the Blogging Bug Bit!

Posted in Anniversary, Christian Blogging by

Today marks 2nd Blogging Anniversary…and what an adventure it’s been. Indeed it is a happy anniversary. From the first day…when my fingers first hit those keys…I was bit by the blogging bug. Any of you who blog…know just what I mean.

As a regular listener to the Hugh Hewitt radio show that’s where I first heard about this thing called blogging. The more he talked…the more intrigued I was. You see I’ve always loved to write…I got to thinking what an avenue this could be. It had been years since I had written a paper…all the way back to my college days…and many, many years since I had written poems. But oh do I love to write. Lets just say…I never lack for an opinion and like to think I’m pretty logical and well reasoned in my arguments. People may disagree with my conclusions…but they will at least understand what I believe and why.

Two years ago on May 15, 2005…I started my blog. My first article…was notes from a sermon by my beloved former Pastor Chuck Obremski. It was a sermon entitled “Living Life In Light of Eternity – Life in the Intermediate Heaven”…part of a series of messages that we affectionately call the “Heaven Series”.

2005 was a very emotional time…in large part because of the battle my beloved Pastor Chuck Obremski had been fighting with cancer. Just months after stepping out in faith and following the Lord’s leading to established Kindred Community Church, Chuck was diagnosed with cancer. It was kind of confusing because God was definitely leading our church and then our Pastor was stricken with cancer. But make no mistake…this was part of God’s plan. Why exactly…I don’t know. But I do know that He has used it in a mighty and powerful way to bring glory, honor and praise to Christ Jesus.

Through this time our congregation rode the “cancer coater”…the ups and downs…highs and lows that come with good reports and the bad news that another spot was found. Praise God…Chuck kept the faith…and never lost sight of his Savior Jesus Christ. As a result…he did some of the best preaching. Sermons that God continues to use in the lives of hurting people. He uses them to transform lives…and bring people to a saving faith in Jesus Christ.

A lot of what I wrote about back then…revolved around Chuck and faith and trusting God during impossible times. God allowed me to be ministered to through the gift of writing. I was able to work things out on paper. An electronic journal of sorts.

When I first started blogging I met, via the web, David Fisher at Pilgrim Scribblings. David knew Chuck from baseball chapel days. He was following Chuck’s battle from afar. I was googling Chuck’s name…and discovered David. He’ll always hold first place in my heart. Precious David…was a great comfort to me and was amazed to see the work that God was doing through Chuck’s ministry. Thank you dear David…indeed you are dear…and I’ll be eternally grateful to you. David is also a mentor. A godly Christian man…who always encourages others and brings glory to his Savior Christ Jesus.

Through David…I met other Christian bloggers. People…is what makes blogging so compelling. Through it…I’m able to meet like minded souls…and kindred spirits. People like my dear Terry at Canadian Blogger. Terry is the most thoughtful of souls…and is always leaving an encouraging note or e-mail for all her blogger buds. Then there’s Janna at “Bread Crumbs”. Janna probably doesn’t know this…but she too is a mentor in that she is mature in her faith…and walks a lovely humble Christian walk. She is knowledgeable on Christian doctrine…and always seeks to build up the body of Christ. There is Debra at “As I See It Now”. I find Debra’s site ever so intriguing. She writes about life…but is open and transparent and shares from the heart. She makes the ordinary seem extraordinary. She has a lovely spirit. There is BJ at “Friends Are a Gift”…and indeed they are. BJ has heart for God, her family and friends. Terry, Janna, Debra and BJ…you are indeed Proverbs 31 women. Those are just few of my blogger buds. Thank you each of you for enriching me and others who have discovered your most excellent work and the lovely people that you are. Thank you for sharing Christ through your work.

In the intervening years…I’ve written a lot…just recently hit the 500 mark. Of those 500 articles…I’ve had my favorites. Like the article on Robert Wiltfang…and the “dancing episode”. Who would have thunk it? Then there were a few articles that have had a lot of response. The article on Tookie Williams execution and my Christian response to Shirley Phelps-Roper on her hate filled speech. Some articles are just me working through the faith issues. All too often…I come out at the end of a failure or mishap…and I’m working through the process. Of all of my favorites…are the poems. They were God’s gift to me…to help heal emotions and hurt. They captured a moment in time.

When I’m in the writing grove…things just flow…and I have to get out of the way. When I’m in that mode…articles and poems seem to write themselves. I hate it when I have a dry spell…when I want to write…but have problems putting three words together to form a sentence. It seems like lately…I’ve wanted to write…but haven’t had the time. I find…if I don’t write when the inspiration strikes…I loose it or it’s flat. On occasion…I have a thought that is ruminating in my mind. After I’ve mulled it over for some time…I’m then able to write that piece in a thoughtful manner.

One of the highlights of this blogging adventure was attending the GodBlogCon 2006 at Biola. I even got to meet Hugh Hewitt and sat with him during desert as he table hopped in order to meet a lot of folks. In the above picture I’m in the audience watching and listening to Hugh do his live remote. Later that evening…Hugh headed a panel discussion on Christian blogging. It was wonderful. I only wished that David, Terry, Janna, Debra and BJ could have been there too.

I thank you Jesus…for giving me the love of writing…and for this avenue….and for my many blogger friends. I’m ever so glad I was bit by that blogging bug…just two years ago today.

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At the End of the Day…Inner Reflections

Posted in BSF, Struggle, Trusting God by

I don’t want my trust in God to be dependent upon my circumstances.

This years study with Bible Study Fellowship has been a struggle for me. I feel like I’m barely making it across the finish line. When I look back over the past year…in an attempt to figure out why this year was different…I see a lot of factors that influenced me. But if the truth be told…I may be using them as an excuse for something else…something from within me. That’s why my bedtime prayer will be asking God to help me clearly see and understand what within me held me back and caused me to struggle. To keep me from a full, no holds barred commitment to studying God’s word. More than that…to make a change…so that in the fall I’ll be on track as we study Matthew. To be obedient…even when my feelings haven’t caught up with my will.

I’ve loved BSF for years…I love the discipline of it. In fact…it spoils me for other Bible studies. I love the combination of studying, sharing, reading and lecture in our concentrated study of the Bible. But this year…not all my cylinders were firing. At times I found it all too easy to have a critical eye. I wonder how much I focused on what was wrong with something or someone else rather than examining the attitude of my heart. Has my love for Jesus waxed cold? Is it because I had my eyes on my circumstances and not my Lord?

In some respects…I think I’ve tried to get through very difficult and challenging circumstances based on my own power, will and might…rather than trusting in God and looking to Him and His word to see me through. Trusting God even when He allows painful circumstances in my life. I think that whole thing comes down trusting God. Instead…the Bible counsels me to lean not on my own understanding…in all my ways acknowledge Him and He will direct my path.

That may mean…it’s a path I didn’t want to walk down it. But I think I’m finding out…better to be on a path not of my own choosing…if Jesus is with me…than to be on my path solo.

I’ll tell you what…I don’t ever, ever want to have another wishy washy lackluster year of Bible study again.

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Rudy the Rookie

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While not a tiny little baby anymore Rudy is still a kitten…and learning about the ways of the world. Everyday is adventure for the little feller…and everything is a toy. Whether it be an actual kitty toy that gets lost under the refrigerator…a bottle cap that falls to the ground or an alarm clock that turns on and opens up when he sits on it…nothing escapes Rudy’s attention. Everything is game…in spite of protests by his mom.

Yesterday…was not only a day of adventure…but one that was a little scary for Rudy. You see he has a fascination with water. Doesn’t matter if it’s water in his drinking bowl…or water in the bath tub. Never seen this quirk in a kitty before…but Rudy loves to tap the water in his bowl…causing it to spill out. If it’s a good day…it just spills a little bit. When its time for a bubble bath…I can count on Rudy being right by my side. He loves to sit on the edge and peer in at the bubbles. Sometimes he can’t contain himself…and swipes at the bubbles. So far…he hasn’t fallen in despite some close calls. That is until yesterday.

Now I would have snapped some photos of Mr. Rudy after the shower incident…but because of my state of undress I resisted temptation. Not only does Rudy love bubble baths…but he’s quite fond of showers too. I can count on Rudy being at my side during my morning shower…as he sits on the edge of the tub. Only yesterday…he slipped. It took him a couple of seconds to realize that he was getting wet…as the shock of the water pouring over him finally dawned on him. Soon he realized he was wet and perhaps it wasn’t such a peachy keen idea to be in the bathtub with water touching him…he then jumped out right quick.

Honest and truly I did feel bad for the little feller…despite the laughter I could not restrain. Hey…I couldn’t help it. I was surprised that he let me dry him off with a towel so easily. No protest at all in fact…he was even thankful. If that had been Nathan or Moss…forget about it. Good intentions or not…there’s no way I could have done that with them. But Rudy seemed glad to be assisted in drying off. He has short, fine hair…and he dried quickly.

Well yesterday was Rudy’s day for surprises…because that afternoon he had another one awaiting him. It’s been hot here in southern California In the 90’s…which means it’s time to break out the fans. The fans in my bedroom and living room were keeping things cooled down. Since it was warm…I decided to turn on the ceiling fan in the kitchen as well…while Rudy was taking nap on the kitchen tile.

Since I brought Rudy home at the end of October till present…I hadn’t turned on the ceiling fan…so it was a whole new experience. As I later learned…not one that he appreciated.

While I was cleaning away in the hallway…little Rudy came dashing into the hall with hair raised and hisses coming out of his mouth. I looked to see if perhaps he had gotten into a scuffle with Moss or Nate…but no one was to be found. They were off trying to keep cool on this hot day. Rudy’s eyes were fixed on the ceiling fan as if the devil himself was turning it.

When I was able to get Rudy calmed down…I carried him in to the kitchen to get a better view of the fan. Safely tucked into him mom’s arms I guess it didn’t look so fierce after all. I think we had success when by evenings end…Rudy rested by the door taking in the cool air generated by the ceiling fan.

Everyday is an adventure for Rudy…and he usually generates a few laughs along the way. Daily…I’m ever so thankful that I brought him home that day I first saw him at Pet Smart…he’s been a true blessing indeed.

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Doctor or Psychiatrist…which will it be?

Posted in Doctors, Thyroid by

“You are so lucky!” Those are the first words I heard from my sister Denise when I told her that the doctor said I have a thyroid problem. I was thinking “Hunh”. But then Denise proceeded to explain that if you have a thyroid problem…once it’s corrected you can loose weight easily. Well I guess I hadn’t thought of it exactly like that…but…well hey that doesn’t sound too bad.

For some time now…I’ve been feeling so bad. Positively wretched. So much so that I finally broke down and went to the doctor. Going to the doctor…is about as rare as going to the dentist use to be. That is until last year that is…then things changed.

But by now…even Stoic Susan had to admit…that perhaps a little visit to the doctor couldn’t hurt. Hey…it might even make things better. Well at least it’s worth a try. Brave little me scheduled my doctor’s appointment.

A couple of days after my appointment and blood tests, I got a call from my doctor’s office advising me to go back for further blood tests because it looked like I have problem with my thyroid. The second blood test was more detailed…and indeed confirmed that opinion.

After that…it was off to nuclear medicine for a “Thyroid Uptake Test”. Prior to this test…I had to make sure I wasn’t taking any supplements with iodine. Don’t know the ins and outs about it…but apparently iodine is a naughty no no…when you’re having that test.

The test involved swallowing a radioactive iodine capsule and then having the energy levels and thyroid uptake measured. The one machine was kind of funky. The technician positioned an instrument right above my knee and measured…who knows what. He then took another reading near my thyroid gland. That same night I went back for an additional scan. This one took longer…and despite being in uncomfortable positions for a ½ hour…I found myself dosing off during the scans. The following day…was a quick visit…that entailed the funky scan once again. All in all…painless and quick.

Then I waited. In the mean time…I had a referral to an Endocrinologist so I scheduled an appointment. Unlike the blood test results…these test result weren’t posted on line. On Friday I got a call from my doctor…advising me that the Thyroid Uptake Test confirmed that I have a thyroid problem called Graves disease…and now my care will be handled by the Endocrinologist.

Honest and truly…I was feeling so bad that if it wasn’t something physical…I was ready to go to a psychiatrist. I think I’ve known for a while that there was something wrong. Finally it got to the point where I was feeling so bad…I was thinking something seriously has to be wrong.

When the doctor said Graves disease…I was surprised because I thought my symptoms were more consistent with a hypothyroid…not hyper. But apparently that ain’t so. Who knew that one little gland could wreak so much havoc. Fatigue was probably symptom number one…then I’d say fuzzy head. I feel like I can’t think clearly like I’m in a fog. Then there were the things like dry eyes and anxiety and nervousness. I think the thing that finally put it over the top…the thing that scared me the most…was muscle weakness. To pick up a gallon bottle of water is hard. Not impossible…but difficult. I really have to concentrate to do it. That’s was inspired me to go to the doctor. I know I’m getting older…but nevertheless…there was something wrong.

I never knew the thyroid effected so many areas of the body. These days I think I know what a narcoleptic feels like. If I sit down for any length of time without being active…I can fall asleep. One day…I was working on a spreadsheet…importing data from one sheet into another…and in the middle of it I almost fell asleep. A quick walk around the hallways and a Coke and Snickers later…I was able to get through the day. I find I’m always tired…five hours of sleep or eight…it doesn’t matter… because I’m always tired.

I’ve come to find out that the fatigue stems from the fact that my heart is beating faster. Even at night while I’m resting…it’s going along lickety split. So I might be sleeping…but my body’s not resting. The other thing is it makes me feel anxious…like when you have an adrenaline rush from being scared. It’s kind of weird…because I feel that way most of the time. When I feel anxious all the time…it’s hard to know…when I should really feel anxious and when everything is actually A-okay.

Later this week…I’m off to visit the endocrinologist. I’m quite anxious (no pun intended) to see him. I can wait to be feeling better. Just to have a normal energy level…and not be so tired all the time. To be able to think clearly and not feel like I was just frightened. As of late…I’ve adopted some pretty bad habits…just to get though the day. Things like drinking a Coke and eating a Snickers…mid afternoon.

I’m hoping to soon be feeling better and be able to break some of those nasty habits I’ve developed to compensate for having no energy. I guess like the dentist thing…this year I’m going to get over my fear of doctors…one way or another.

I’ve got to say…I’ve been very impressed with Kaiser. I’ve had them before…and not been overly pleased. But time…Kaiser…gets a big thumbs up from this gal.

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