Author Archives: Susan Wachtel

Bless those that curse you?

Posted in Bible Study, Forgiveness, Holy Spirit by

It’s a darn good thing that I’m involved with Bible study…in more ways than one. One grand benefit that studying scripture affords me is the opportunity to measure my life, my words, my thoughts and deeds according to God’s word.

There are days…I’m feeling right fine about myself….but when I read the Word of God…well let’s just say the Holy Spirit is working overtime…doing some conviction. Not condemnation mind you…no that’s the work of Satan. But conviction…that’s something else.

It’s kind of like that internal pressure that nudges me to repentance and obedience.

This year I’m studying the book of Romans in BSF. I just love it…it’s my second time around and Romans is my very favorite book of the Bible. This last week we studied chapter 12:9-21. This passage talks a lot about love, walking in love and not seeking retribution on your enemies.

Not that I have an abundance of enemies…but I think it’s rather hard to get through this life without ruffling a few feather along the way. Sometimes intentionally and sometimes not.

I found this passage to be a most helpful reminder on how I am to act toward people whom I may not like. As a Christian…I’m called upon to die to self. That means laying down my grudge or rights and acting how God calls me to act towards them.

How should I act toward my enemies? God calls me to do good unto my enemies. Not only do good…but bless them too. He affirms that in His perfect timing, if He deems it necessary, He will avenge wrongs.

The question is…am I going to trust God and take Him at His word? What will be a sign that I’m trusting God? It will be my obedience to His commands.

So how might I bless my enemies? One of the first things that comes to mind is to pray for them. For their salvation and for God help them, guide them and direct them when they are having difficulties. Praying for someone’s salvation…even for your enemy is easy in comparison to blessing them. Sometimes that might mean acting in a kind way as you would towards a friend. It might be praying that God would bless them…and help them to get that promotion or find a husband or take a much needed restful vacation.

Trusting God…is what makes the difference. Having that eternal perspective instead of getting caught up with what’s happening down here on earth.

Perhaps as I do good to my enemies…God will work in each of our lives and make a friend out of an enemy. Friends are much easier to forgive…and I’m happy when God blesses my friends…and I don’t anxiously await their judgment.

Recently…God showed me the fruits of restraint. A while back…after walking though the door…an individual walked several feet away from me and proceeded to make a nasty remark about me. Not discretely or in whispered tones to a friend…but instead quite loudly to an audience. While flummoxed, hurt and angry inside…I chose to ignore it and move on. As I continued to interact with this person…I made sure that I treated them considerately. Little did I know how right that choice was. After the passing a beloved relative…God opened the door for me to interact with them. I was able to be genuinely caring and offer a kind word. Now if I had reacted like I had wanted to when originally offended…I would have destroyed any chance for peaceful interaction in the future.

Is that how I always act in dicey situations? No…but seeing the fruits a right choice…makes it easier to choose wisely in the future. Continually reading and studying the Bible…will help arm the Holy Spirit as He gently corrects me…and help grow me up.

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Rocky Balboa…30 Years Later

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I remember when the movie “Rocky” debuted in 1976. I remember the night…I remember the theater and I remember the excitement. The movie captured not only the attention and imagination of the nation…but my heart too. I loved the movie from the get go. It touched me, encouraged me and gave me hope. It’s a feel good, comfort movie. One that I can watch anytime…especially when I’m feeling down and come away feeling uplifted and inspired.

While I couldn’t resist purchasing the DVD…it was with trepidation that I watched the new movie “Rocky Balboa”. After all I didn’t want to be disappointed with something that I had grown to love.

I found that Rocky has aged well. He still had the heart…and the spirit. The spirit to try and give it all he’s got. Life had kick him around, hit him hard and left a few bruises. But he didn’t let that keep him down or stop him from trying.

In the intervening years since the original “Rocky” life has been difficult at times and it’s certainly not turned out like I had hoped or dreamed. So I can related to Rocky 30 years later. I come away once again touched and encourage to get up and go out and face my own battles another day and the next, and the next, and the next.

As the credits rolled they showed scenes of everyday ordinary people…running up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. I swear I found myself dreaming about running up those famous steps and feeling my own moment of victory. If ever I get it Philadelphia I know where I’ll be stopping.

I can tell the measure of a movie…when I walk away and say I want to see that one again. Indeed…I’ll be watching “Rocky Balboa” again.

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Father’s Love Letter

Posted in Father's Love Letter, Love of God, Uncategorized by

Do you ever struggle with knowing that God loves you? True confession…I sure do. I have a hard time connecting my head knowledge with my heart. But I know that God’s love is not limited by my doubts. Yet it’s critical that I stand firm upon the Word of God.

Today at church visiting Pastor Jim Masteller read “Father’s Love Letter”. It’s chock full of scripture and accurately reflects the Person of God, Who He is, His character and His love for His creation.

Please visit the “Father’s Love Letter” website…and download their poster…so you can have it ever before you a reminder on God’s love for you…His precious child.

Father’s Love Letter

A Father’s heart from Genesis to Revelation…

My Child……Love, Your Dad

You may not know me, but I know everything about you… Psalm 139:1

I know when you sit down and when you rise up… Psalm 139:2

I am familiar with all your ways … Psalm 139:3

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered… Matthew 10:29-31

For you were made in my image… Genesis 1:27

In me you live and move and have your being… Acts 17:28

For you are my offspring… Acts 17:28

I knew you even before you were conceived… Jeremiah 1:4-5

I chose you when I planned creation… Ephesians 1:11-12

You were not a mistake… Psalm 139:15-16

For all your days are written in my book… Psalm 139:15-16

I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live… Acts 17:26

You are fearfully and wonderfully made… Psalm 139:14

I knit you together in your mother’s womb… Psalm 139:13

And brought you forth on the day you were born … Psalm 71:6

I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me… John 8:41-44

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love…1 John 4:16

And it is my desire to lavish my love on you… 1 John 3:1

Simply because you are my child and I am your Father…1 John 3:1

I offer you more than your earthly father ever could… Matthew 7:11

For I am the perfect Father… Matthew 5:48

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand… James 1:17

For I am your provider and I meet all your needs… Matthew 6:31-33

My plan for your future has always been filled with hope… Jeremiah 29:11

Because I love you with an everlasting love… Jeremiah 31:3

My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore… Psalm 139:17-18

And I rejoice over you with singing… Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you… Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession… Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul… Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things… Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me… Deuteronomy 4:29

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart … Psalm 37:4

For it is I who gave you those desires… Philippians 2:13

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine… Ephesians 3:20

For I am your greatest encourager… 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles…2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you… Psalm 34:18

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart… Isaiah 40:11

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes… Revelation 21:3-4

And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth… Revelation 21:4

I am your Father and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus… John 17:23

For in Jesus my love for you is revealed … John 17:26

He is the exact representation of my being… Hebrews 1:3

And He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you.… Romans 8:31

And to tell you that I am not counting your sins… 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled…2 Corinthians 5:18-19

His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you…1 John 4:10

I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love… Romans 8:32

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me…1 John 2:23

And nothing will ever separate you from my love again… Romans 8:38-39

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen… Luke 15:7

I have always been Father and will always be Father… Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child?… John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you… Luke 15:11-32


Almighty God

Used by permission Father Heart Communications Copyright 1999 www.FathersLoveLetter.com

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Saving Time?

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When I checked back on Janna’s blog…there were quite a number of comments left by readers. I was saddened but not surprised to see a number of people didn’t find it disconcerting that Pastors may use sermons from other Pastors in order to save time. Saving time seemed to be the biggest justification for this practice.

I stand in awe and I’m amazed. Folks…we’re talking that each of us as individuals (especially as Pastors who are leading the body of Christ) has the opportunity to dig in, read and study the very word of God. Do you get it? The Creator of the universe gave us a vital, powerful message that He wants to share with each of us. We can know Him through His word. And we want to save time?

Today we have Pastors that want to “save time” from studying the word of God? They want the cliff notes version of the Bible? Or maybe the Reader’s Digest version?

Think about the person whom you love most in the whole entire world. The person for whom you would die if need be. Do you think you’d be thinking of clever things so that you wouldn’t have to spend too much time with them? Talking, listening or just being together? Or would you treasure each and every moment you get to spend with the wonderful person?

“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” He answered: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.” – Luke 10:26-28

How exactly does seeking to spend less time in the word of God demonstrate that we love God?

Was Jesus Christ thinking about saving time when hung on the cross? Or was he thinking how much He loves us…so much so that He was willing to endure excruciating pain, suffering and humiliation. The rejection and separation from God the Father because He bore our sins so that we might be saved? Do you think Jesus is thinking about how He can save time and not work so hard or is He preparing a place for us in heaven where we will dwell with Him for eternity?

“In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” – John 14:2-4

Maybe instead we ought to approach it a little different. How about thinking what we can cut out of our schedule so that we might be able to spend more time with God in His word, in prayer and in fellowship with other believers?

When we get to heaven…and look back our life…do you think we’ll regret the opportunities that we missed to spend time with God and serving His kingdom here on earth? Or will we be thinking about the TV show that we missed and who won the latest contest?

Are we going through life with an eternal perspective…or a temporal perspective?

Tell me…can you imagine the Apostle Peter hitting John up for a copy of his latest sermon? “Hey John, what’s that…is that your message you preached last Sunday? Do you mind if I get a copy. I’ve got a busy week ahead and I’d like to save some time.”

The Apostles, Paul and the early followers of Jesus Christ had a burning passion and desire to preach and teach the word of God. Of Jesus Christ and Him crucified. These men lived with Jesus for three years as He went around performing miracles and changing lives. They saw an innocent man crucified on the cross…and three days later He is raised from the dead. What they saw transformed them from men who scattered when their leader was taken to be crucified into men who where willing to go to their own brutal deaths because of their faith. They had a burning passionate desire for God.

What about you? Is your flame burning bright and lighting up the world around you…or is it flickering and ready to be extinguished in the slightest breeze?

We need to ask ourselves…what will it take for me to get serious about God?

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3/20/07 – At the End of the Day…Reflections

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I’m still thinking about the issue that Janna at Bread Crumbs raised about Pastors and the latest trend for them to plagiarize or use another Pastor’s sermon, rather that preach their own sermon based on the their own study of the Bible. It is truly a deep topic and one of great importance to the church today. It’s also a poor, but accurate reflection the state of the church today. But it certainly does not take God by surprise…since He foretold of this happening two thousand years ago.

Last night after I had written down my thoughts about Pastors using a “sermon in a box” I wondered if people reading it would think I was too harsh on Pastors. After all they hold a position with heavy demands and many burdens.

Yet…I was reminded of the scripture that tell us that Pastors and Teachers will be held to a stricter accountability. In fact James said…not too many people would want the job just because of that judgment and scrutiny that Pastors will undergo by God.

“Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” – James 3:1

I wonder…how much we don’t challenge our Pastors, Teachers and church leaders when they veer from the Bible. It’s not uncommon for Christians to think that they can not judge another person because the Bible cautions us about standing in judgment of others.

But what I wonder…how much do we cut them slack because we don’t want ourselves held to the high standards of the Bible? Because we ourselves don’t spend serious time reading and studying the Bible? How many of us today would consider ourselves like the Bereans?

How many of us sitting in church pew each Sunday are satisfied with the watered down gospel? That way we don’t have to feel convicted as we live in our own sin. The fact that I might be living with someone outside of marriage…please don’t look at that because we love each other or are committed to one another. Or maybe I’m not declaring money I’ve earn under the table on my taxes…and I feel justified because the government already takes out too much in taxes. Or maybe I’m thinking I’m not so bad. I’m not engaged in sexual sin outside of marriage and I don’t cheat the government by not paying what I the law requires. About the worst thing I do is a “little gossip” with Tammy Sue. But don’t worry…she won’t tell a soul.

Perhaps I am satisfied with the feel good 20 minute sermons that assure me that I am special and loved by God and He doesn’t want me to suffer, or be poor and that all I have to do is ask…and He’ll give me what I want.

“For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” – 2 Timothy 4:3

Those feel good sermons don’t hold my actions up against the Word of God…that non negotiable standard to which are all accountable. I can walk out of church after hearing a feel good sermon, feel good about myself and be blinded to the fact I’m living in sin. Or turn down the volume on the voice of the Holy Spirit convicting me of sin.

Instead we need Pastors that teach according to the word of God, who are more concerned that their teaching be pleasing to the Lord (to whom they will give an account) than the person sitting in the pew. They will likely throw out a few barbs that will stick and sting as they rest upon the sinner or the saint hearing the truth from God’s Word. Those barbs will dig deep as they fall upon the person living their life in contractions to God’s Word.

“We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness.” – Hebrews 5:11-13

If God struck Uzzah dead when he reached out his hand to steady the ark because he violated God’s word and instructions, how will He treat us who disregard the Word of God?

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Plagiarism…A Dangerous Trend

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When reading Janna’s post at Bread Crumb’s I was reminded about a topic that is near and dear to my heart. Janna addresses the growing trend in Christianity today that encourages Pastors to plagiarize sermons.

I call it the dumbing down of the Gospel message. Inherent in this latest trend is the soft selling of the Gospel. Making it seeker friendly, not wanting to offend people by telling them they are a sinner and bound for hell. But that God has provided the free gift of salvation through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ…that they can be saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ.

My church continues its quest to find a Sr. Pastor, following the death of our beloved Pastor Chuck Obremski…a Bible believing, no holds barred preaching, teaching, no nonsense kind of Pastor.

It is with fear and trembling that I wait to see whom God has called to be the man who will lead our church in the coming years. However, because our search committee and elders are committed to finding the man whom God has called, I am filled with peace and I’m trusting and waiting on the process and God’s perfect timing.

Since I have been most blessed to sit under some awesome Bible study teachers…I’ve been spoiled. As such…when I hear a sermon without much scripture and one that is shallow and without much substance…I find myself spiritually hungry. Kind of like when you each Chinese food…you are hungry shortly thereafter. These sermons don’t feed my spirit.

Please check out Janna’s post “It Can’t Be Plagiarism, Can It?” and be sure to watch the video on You Tube which raised Janna’s concern over this important and dangerous trend in the church today.

Below are my comments left in response to Janna’s post.

Dear Janna,

I think you hit the nail right on the head. Instead I fear the problem is far greater than the wrong act of plagiarism. Instead I believe to some degree it may stem from Biblical illiteracy. The prepackaged sermons seem rather hollow. It’s sad that a Pastor would depend on a “sermon in a box” rather than invest the time to study and trust the Holy Spirit to lead him, guide him and direct his preaching and teaching.

I’m sure that you as writer have experienced dry spells. Pastors may as well. In part we may see more of this trend because a lot of churches don’t teach book by book through the Bible. Instead they do the topical sermons.

This is an important topic. Your willingness to examine the Christian community from within is very commendable.

I’m always challenged and grow by reading your posts.

Lord bless…Susan

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Every Word That Proceedeth

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“But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” – Matthew 4:4
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Decompress

Posted in Alzheimer's by

If I’d have known what the last 5 ½ years with my mom would entailed…I wonder if I would have had the courage to make the same decision? I must say…I’m very grateful that I don’t know what my future here on earth holds for me. I’m glad it’s taken, step by step and day by day. I’m grateful that Jesus walks each step with me…even when I don’t feel His presence. It’s not about what I feel…it’s about what He promised in His word.

I never know from week to week what a visit to my mom will entail. She’s 85 years old and has Alzheimer’s. From all appearances…I’d say she is in the later stages of this wretched ugly disease. But it’s been a long time…and there is no end in sight. Not for her and not for me. There are times I’m positively weary from this awful disease.

It seems like all I see is the disease and not my mom.

Alzheimer’s robs human beings of every ounce of self and of dignity that they have. I guess the one merciful thing is that Gayle is blissfully ignorant, unaware and undisturbed by her current state. As she aged and before she was diagnosed she was terrified of getting Alzheimer’s. Her sister died of it…so she knew first hand the ugliness of Alzheimer’s.

I hate Alzheimer’s for what it’s done to my mother and what it’s done to me. What it’s made me feel…and how sometimes I feel nothing. At times I feel calloused and hard hearted just so I can get through this mess without loosing my sanity.

For my brothers…it’s as if my mom rode off into the sunset to die. A nice peaceful, painless and easy death. They haven’t been here for the last five years and haven’t seen just how ugly it can get. They haven’t seen her for over 5 years. They don’t call her, they don’t send her cards or letters. Christmas comes, her birthday, Mother’s Day, Easter…and there is nothing…only silence. It’s almost as if she’s already dead or never existed at all.

Here she is at the end of her life…and going through what she feared the most and they are no where to be found.

While I’ve known that what they are doing is wrong…a friend put it in perspective when she said that she couldn’t imagine that at the end of her life her children wouldn’t be there for her. Stephanie is a young mom of two toddlers…and she lives for those children. Each day brings another story of learning or discovery as her precious little ones grow up. Stephanie and Greg’s lives are centered around their children…they give them so much…love and time and sacrifice for these little ones who are the apples of their eyes.

There once was a day…when Mike and Pat were the apple of my mother’s eye. When they were the center of her life…when her days were filled with delight as she watched these young boys grow. So what happened that would make them turn their back on their mom? I don’t have that answer…I just know I struggle with carrying this burden.

In some respects this may be God’s hand of protection on my mom…keeping people who would not be good for her away. But I find it hard to believe that they don’t even send a token card or letter now and again. But I guess if they did that…they would be reminded she still alive…and they would have to deal with that. I just don’t understand.

Mostly I hate the way Alzheimer’s makes me feel. There are times…I want to walk away from that place and never go back. I regularly pray that God will be merciful and let her pass away peacefully in her sleep.

Any memories of good times are so dwarfed by the last six or seven years…or maybe more. You see Gayle was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 5 ½ years ago…but looking back you can see the signs that were misread as someone just getting quirky in their old age.

Well it wasn’t quirky…it was a disease that causes a plaque to build up in the brain and it interferes with thinking and memory among other things. When driving down the street I can point to place after place that holds bad memories. Places Gayle and I visited when the Alzheimer’s was taking over her brain more and more and causing her to behave irrationally. Going places became difficult at best and embarrassing at worst.

A couple weeks ago I went to see my mom and found her sitting in the activity room nodding off. I went to awaken her so we could spend some time together and watch our Sunday movie. When she woke up she was quite adamant that she didn’t want to see me. It had already been a bad day…so this was just icing on the cake. Some of the newer resident’s in the Alzheimer’s unit are in the earlier stages and more rational. The lady sitting next to Gayle told her, “You should go with her. Some of us don’t have anyone that comes to see us. You are lucky.” But Gayle would not be dissuaded.

I thought that being rejected was bad. But I discovered on my next visit…I’ll take rejection any day of the week over what happened next. I don’t want to go into the ugly details and bring embarrassment or shame to my mom. But let it suffice that Alzheimer’s robs human beings of every ounce of dignity that they have.

I walked away that Sunday and felt shell shocked. I needed to decompress. I was emotionally numb for a couple of days. While I knew that God carried me through that day…I wanted to put up a wall. I didn’t go to Bible study the next night because I just wanted some space. I wasn’t in the mood to read my latest book by Beth Moore. Instead I opted for something a little lighter in the form of Christian fiction.

I kind of felt like Elijah whom God cared for when he was overwhelmed, depressed and afraid. God nurtured me during that time. God likes to use people. He used the heartfelt prayers of friends…and an encouraging card to help build up my spirit. Or listening to sermon that God in His perfect timing brought my way. I also found encouragement from the movie “Facing the Giants”.

I feel like I’m facing my own giants. At times they feel quite daunting…even bigger than Goliath. I want to slay these giants…giants of aloneness, solitude, lack of faith, hurt, bitterness, anger, confusion, bad memories and so much more. These are not giants that will fall by my own frail, feeble efforts. But instead I need to invite God into this battle and seek Him, trust Him, obey Him and be filled with His word. These giants are much too big for me…but not for Him. That means I’m a candidate for a miracle. Whether it sustaining power in overwhelming circumstances….or deliverance through a situation….I need God in my circumstances.

Even if I feel alone…I’m not. He’s right there beside me…His Holy Spirit is within me and my Lord and Savior sits at the right hand of the Father interceding on my behalf. So Jesus I invite you into my circumstances. My burdens are much too heavy for me to bear. I’m giving them over to You and seek Your help in these overwhelming circumstances.

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3/12/07 At the End of the Day…Fatigue Doth Make Zombies of Us All

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I’ll tell you…four to five hours of sleep each night just doesn’t cut it. Tired is the order of the day…from my waking moment to the time head hits the pillow. If I dare slow down during the day…and have a few moments of quite…I’ll try to sneak in a catnap. The good news it…I seldom have a hard time falling asleep. Within seconds of my head resting on the pillow…I’m fast asleep. It also forces me to take good notes when listening to a sermon or a lecture. If I don’t…I’ll be nodding off. It’s absolutely no reflection on the speaker…but the hearer instead.

It seems as if there are just not enough hours in the day. I’m not one to waste time in front of the TV or spend endless hours chatting on the phone. I don’t sit around popping bonbons and watching Oprah all day. But some days I’d be hard pressed to tell you exactly what I did.

Insufficient sleep impacts my ability to focus. Something as simple as responding to an e-mail or deciding where to go for lunch…or completing a chore seems quite daunting. Lack of sleep impacts my mood. I’m more touchy…and feel like I don’t have the emotional resources to deal with people or situations.

I’m not even sure what changes I need to make…I just know I can’t keep going this way.

I pray that God will reveal to me…what I need to say “no” to and how I need to reprioritize and reorganize my schedule and my life…so I can better focus on that which essential and of eternal value.

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3/11/07 At the End of the Day…A Pure Voice

Posted in At the End of the Day, John Denver, Music by

As I sit here this evening…I’m sleepified and ready to nod off. The air smells of smoke as wild fires burn in the not too far distance.

It’s pledge week on PBS and during this time they have great specials. Earlier today I watched a production of South Pacific. When listening to the lovely music…I was transported back to an earlier time in my life when I had a love and passion for Broadway musicals. I guess I still do hold a special place in my heart for that music. All kinds of music really. Eclectic would be the best description of my taste in music. Everything from Rock and Roll to classical, from Gospel to Broadway music, from country to swing and jazz and the classics from Nat King Cole, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and oh so many more.

I love music…and thank God daily for the gift of music. Just think of the ability of songs and music to transport you…to transform your mood and your thoughts. Rather miraculous when you think of it. What a lovely gift it is.

This evening’s PBS show featured John Denver. Being that I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s…John Denver was a singer I was very familiar with. Loved his songs…and his sweet and gentle spirit. Tonight while listening to John’s songs…I felt such a profound sadness. What a loss…made particularly poignant by his demise at such a young age.

I was struck by how pure his voice was. Clean and pure. The other singer that comes to mind when I think of the pureness in their voice is Karen Carpenter. Another singer from my youth…whose tragic life and death make memories of her seem so very sad.

It seems so sad to think that people whom God had gifted so generously…that their voice would be stilled.

I do believe I’ll have another I-tunes album to download…this time it’s John Denver. Even in the sadness of his death…his music still brings great joy and happiness.

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Love…The Final Move

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Do I focus more on the fact that someone irritates me or that I don’t like them…than the fact that they are unsaved? Do I think it more important that someone doesn’t love me than the fact that he does not have a saving faith in Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior?

When coming face to face with the normal things in life…like being around someone who irritates me…or encountering some whom I just plain don’t like…lately God has been convicting me. He’s been using it as an opportunity to remind me…that when I feel that way towards someone…it’s my reminder that I need to be in prayer for them. First and foremost for their salvation. Also that they may have the peace and joy that comes in knowing Jesus Christ no matter what their circumstances are.

I guess I have to ask myself…do I walk in that peace and joy of knowing Christ? Of knowing my salvation is secure? Of having the power and presence of the Holy Spirit within me? Or do I walk around negative and defeated…and a poor advertisement for Christianity?

God uses all sorts of thing in our lives to bring His message to us. Sometimes it’s reading scripture from the Bible, sometimes it’s hearing a sermon, or a conversation…or lyrics from a song.

I love finding new singers or groups. When I do so…I feel like I have found a treasure and enjoy exploring their work. So I was intrigued last Saturday following the Women’s Retreat at Kindred Community Church when one of our worship leaders Kristal told me about one of her favorite singers. Kristal was excited as she told me about Chris Rice and his interesting and quirky songs. She knows them well and as she shared about his songs…I could hardly wait to investigate further. Kristal and I both have a love for Steven Curtis Chapman’s work and Greater Vision…so I trust her judgment.

After listening to a song or two on I-Tunes…my only decision was on which album to download…not should I. I decided to go with Chris Rice’s album “Amusing”. Indeed Kristal’s description was true…his songs are unusual…quirky, thoughtful and fun. When I listen to his songs…they fire my imagination…and I find my thoughts are in motion.

Driving home today from my weekly errands I was listening to “The Final Move” from the “Amusing” CD…and thinking. Chris Rice…sings a lot about love…thus I started thinking about love. About romantic love…and a higher love…the love of God. God desires that we love Him with all our heart, mind, soul and strength. He also commands us to love others. To love others…it is to put them above myself.

To put someone above myself…means that instead of being hurt that someone doesn’t love me in return…I’m more concerned over the fact that he doesn’t have a saving faith in Jesus Christ. So instead of feeling sorry for myself that he doesn’t love me…how about every time I think of him…to instead turn that into a prayer for his salvation.

As much as I love others…God loves them even more. He desires that all would repent and come to a saving faith in Jesus Christ. As a Christian…shouldn’t I desire the same? For those I love and even those I don’t like too much…God desires that I show love to them.

“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it (it pays no attention to a suffered wrong). It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything (without weakening).” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Amplified Bible

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Believe God?

Posted in Defeat, Deliverance, Faith, Trusting God by

So the question is…am I going to believe God or am I going to believe my circumstances? Am I going to trust God, His character and His Word or will I trust my roller coaster emotions? Will I trust God’s promises and faithfulness in the past as a testimony on how He remains the same, yesterday, today and forever? Or will I trust fleeting and changing circumstances that are but temporary, not eternal?

I’ve spent the better part of my life solely trusting my feelings…looking back on circumstances that didn’t turn out quite like I had planned or hoped…and believing that’s how it would always be.

I’m tired of living like that…that’s it…no more. I’m drawing a line in the sand. No more circumstantial living. I want a close, personal, intimate relationship with the God who created me, my Savior who perished on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins, and the Holy Spirit Who dwells within me.

In the past year…when circumstances didn’t go my way…when my emotions were all over the board…God continued to impress upon me scripture verses that helped me to put my hope in God. To trust Him despite what was happening in my life. To know that my God is faithful and He is able, more than able to accomplish any and all things that concern me, now and forevermore.

So I probably look like a crazy person to the outside observer…to the one who does not know God. Maybe I am…but not about this. Because I tell you…I will stand firm, consecrate myself and see the Lord’s deliverance. I will look to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who will prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

2 Chronicles 20:17 was the first scripture that God gave me last year about time. I’ve clung to it through the ups and downs in the past year.

“You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.” – 2 Chronicles 20:17

Joshua 3:5 was the scripture that God gave me as the New Year began. It encouraged my heart, mind soul and spirit and helped me to put my trust in God…not my circumstances. Despite all appearances…my God is faithful and He is working all things together for good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purposes.

Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you.” – Joshua 3:5

In the face of recent defeat…that resurrected feelings of failure God gave me Psalm 23:5 to remind me that in His perfect timing He will not only deliver me…but do so in the presence of my enemies.

Psalm 23:5
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

How, when and where this amazing deliverance will occur I don’t rightly know. It will likely be in manner I never anticipated, long after I felt like I could endure no longer and when I feel at my lowest and surrounded by enemies.

Just like Lazarus who laid three days in the tomb…this girl is starting to stink. But watch out…Sunday’s coming and I shall see my deliverance. One day …shall see my Savior and my Deliverer face to face. Praise God!

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2/28/07 At the End of the Day…A Listening Ear

Posted in At the End of the Day, Prayer, Trusting God by

A few thoughts…observations from the day…with a listening ear towards God.

As I stood in line at El Polo Loco the sight of two guys praying before their meal really stood out. Not something I see at most restaurants…especially with guys. Unless of course it’s a men’s Bible study or prayer group. It was so refreshing…seeing godly men bow their head and give thanks to their Lord on a normal day, in a regular place.

Seeing these men praying got me thinking about prayer. Sometimes I really struggle when it comes to prayer. I struggle with praying regularly…and sometimes with what exactly to pray about. I’m sure to some degree this stems back to the fact when I was growing up…the Bible, prayer and church were not part of my family’s life.

Now as a grown up…it’s an area I find most challenging. In thinking about prayer…it’s talking to God…a conversation. One of talking, listening and sometimes just being together, but silent.

When I know a person really well…talking to them is not a struggle…it comes with ease. When I see them…I desire to sit down and talk or when I think about them…I want to pick up the phone and call. When it’s someone I like and respect…have a relationship with…I don’t have to think about what I’ll talk about or how to phrase things. It comes naturally. When I know someone well…I know what will tickle their fancy or make them laugh…or even get their dander up. It flows…its smooth…its give and take.

It would be ludicrous to think I’m good friends with someone, or know them well, if I don’t talk to them. I’d be fooling myself.

Shouldn’t that be kind of what it’s like with God? The more I know Him, the more I have a personal relationship with Him…won’t my prayer life, my conversation with God become more natural? I’ll desire too talk to Him more and more?

I wonder…do I make that conversation with God too complicated? Am I more concerned about how I say things rather than the actual conversation itself? And how do I get to know God better? Well…this side of heaven I won’t see Him face to face. So to know Him, to know His character, Who He is, what He’s all about is accomplished through the reading of His Word, the Bible and through prayer. The more time I spend with Him, the better I will know Him. The more I know about Him…His character…the more I will be able to trust Him. The more I know and trust God…then I will be better able to take Him at His Word and trust what He says. I’ll believe that He loves me. Whether it’ll be in the Bible or in prayer…or the Holy Spirit bearing witness to my spirit…I’ll want to be in conversation, in relationship with my God.

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There Is But One!

Posted in Defeat, Discouragement, Forgiveness, Spiritual Warfare, Trusting God by

There is but one who desires to discourage me, defeat me and leave me in despair. There is but one who desires that I doubt God, doubt that He loves me and has my best interest in mind at all times. There is but one who seeks to keep me from reading the Word of God, knowing it, understanding it and have it wash me from the inside out. That person is the enemy, the defeated foe, the one that will be bound and thrown into the lake of fire forever and ever, amen. Praise God!

Satan is the one and only person whom we can tell, “Go to hell” and have it be alright.

After a round of attacks that have seemed relentless in the recent past, despite the fact I knew full well…they were attacks of the enemy…I’ve been feeling discouraged and overwhelmed…down and out. At times the attacks are blatantly obvious…so much so I find myself laughing.

I don’t understand all the whys and wherefores on why God has permitted these attacks and has continued to leave situations unchanged despite much prayer. At this point my desire is that God will reveal what He would have me to learn. That I will have an ear to hear and an open and teachable spirit and learn whatever lessons God would have me to learn.

One of the ongoing themes of my life has been forgiveness. Forgiveness for those who have hurt me…both intentionally and unintentionally. Hurt is part of the human experience…it is certainly not exclusive to me. While personal…my experiences are not unique. I make progress and think I’ve forgiven…and then something comes up which brings up the hurt all over again. I think I need to adopt Corrie Ten Boom’s words. When she was reminded of an offense she responded, “I distinctly remember forgetting that.”

Yesterday when pondering hurt and forgiveness…God impressed upon me in no uncertain terms, “Susan you need to forgive this person.” When I think about the offense or replay the hurt in my mind…I can feel the stress in my body. I realize it’s not worth it. I’m the one suffering and feeling bad by not forgiving. They don’t care, they’ve moved on. Isn’t it about time I do the same? Continually replaying an offensive in an ongoing loop…does no good whatsoever.

I need to forgive…because it is the will and command of God that I do so.

I think we are all familiar how God uses tests to help us learn and grow. We pass a test, we grow and God uses it to help prepare us for the next test. To help grow us more and more into the image and likeness of Jesus Christ. This side of heaven…I’m a long way off…but that doesn’t stop God from using the buffeting process that He is so fond of.

When pondering this forgiveness thing…the thought came to mind, “Oh crimoneny…all this may just be a test and practice so that I will be able to easily forgive a bigger offense that is coming down the road!”

If that’s the case…then I guess I’d better get in practice…quickly. Forgive and forget…move on.

Part of that means not replaying a hurt over and over in my mind. All that does is serve to feed hurt feelings and justifies feelings of unforgiveness.

It also means that I must entrust any and all offenses and wrong doing into the hand of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ…Who is just, righteous and perfect. If He deems it just and right at the appropriate time for consequences or punishment…then so be it. If He deems it His will…good, right and just to forgive their sins…then so be it. It needs to lie in His hands, not mine.

Those same hands…that bore nails on the cross putting to death my sins…also paid the price for the sins of those who have offended me. Can I not forgive those whom God Himself has forgiven? Should I stand in the place of God? May it never be.

There is but one who desires me to remain in unforgiveness. That defeated foe…the one who wants me to walk around and live a miserable life. Doubting God and His love for me. Doubting His ability to protect and defend me. Doubting His will for me and my life. Doubting His goodness, righteousness and justice.

Satan is going to hell…and while he may not be able to take me there since I am sealed for the day of redemption…Satan desires to make my life hell here on earth for as long as he can. The question is…will I choose to let him do so? May it never be.

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2/16/07 At the End of the Day…Random Thoughts

Posted in At the End of the Day, Trusting God by

When you don’t feel good physically…it can be hard to think…or at least think clearly. It’s hard to focus and follow through. It’s hard to put two coherent thoughts together…thus some random thoughts. Perhaps it’s because I’ve had so many ideas I’ve wanted to write down this week…but haven’t done so.

You can tell it’s been a slow news cycle the last few weeks…with all the news channels focusing the bulk of each hour on the Anna Nicole Smith story and before that on the astronaut that went crazy. Disasters of a personal nature…but not something effecting the nation or the world.

Yet…I can’t help but think with all the voyeuristic coverage of Ms. Smith…what does this obsession reflect about our nation…our values? What does it say about what we esteem? It’s not good. It reminds me of Romans 1 where Paul warns us that God has given sinful man over to their degrading sinful desires.

More than seeing Anna Nicole as a victim…or her death as a tragedy I see it as someone who wasted their entire life and whose death has become nothing more than nightly entertainment until the next big new story bumps this circus off the TV screens of American. She spent her life in pursuit of that which was base, degrading and that which leads people further into sin and it continues to be inflicted upon our society even after her death. She did not seek after that which is good, holy, righteous, pure and of eternal value. Precisely because she wasted her life…spent it on nothing of eternal value that her life and death were a tragedy.

I should examine myself and ask in what areas do I waste my life, my thoughts, my time, my resources, pursing that which is frivolous instead of that which is of eternal value?

I can only pray for God’s mercy upon her child. That He will intervene and place her in the arms of a loving mother and father who know God and will raise her in a godly environment.

That’s not to say that Anna Nicole was beyond redemption. Because God desires that none of us perish, but all come to repentance. The problem is…we don’t know when our end will be. Will it be at the ripe of age of 89 after living it up…but repenting in the end? Or will it be at the age of 39 with no warning of impending death…and no time to repent?

Her death story is kind of being played out like she lived her life.

The one thing this story has done…it’s made me turn off the news. Normally I have Fox News on in the evening. But with this non-stop coverage of an irrelevant story…I escape by turning off the TV and doing anything but watch TV. There is not a lot on TV these days that will not offend. So the better option is the off button.

When driving in my car…I’m normally playing a CD from one of my beloved former Pastor Chuck Obremski’s teaching series. Right now…it’s 1st and 2nd Thessalonians. Even though he’s been gone for soon to be eighteen months…in some respects it feels like he’s quite near since I hear him preach every day. It’s wonderful, wonderful teaching. Not something that tickles my ears or builds up my self esteem. In fact there is many a time that I feel the strong conviction of the Holy Spirit when the Word of God is presented in a bold, non negotiable manner. It doesn’t leave a lot of wiggle room…and when I measure my thoughts, words and actions against God’s Word…I realize I have ever so far to go. I’m even more grateful that I have the grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ sacrificial death and resurrection resting upon me.

Through the study of God’s Holy Word and through the teaching of His humble servants, Bible Study Fellowship, Chuck Obremski, Charles Stanley, Joyce Meyer and Beth Moore…God continues to work on my heart…and sanctifying me this side of heaven.

Some insights this week as I have a listening ear towards God. Now this will sound terrible coming from a Christian. But I struggle with comprehending or believing that God loves me. Loves me personally. I know what the Word of God says. Intellectually believe it…but it hasn’t worked its way into my heart. I know that “God so loved the world”…but have a hard time making the transition to “God so loved Susan”.

Having a hard time believing that God loves me personally makes it hard to trust God. I’m getting better…I’ve improved. But still have a ways to go…it’s a learning game. It’s also faith…and I just need to make that leap and believe. Will I?

Also part of this week’s lesson was the realization that I work too hard because I substitute work for relationships. I wonder how much of that is out of insecurity. Feeling like I need to earn or prove my worth…by turning in a good performance. Without doing so…I’m not worthy or lovable. Not loveable to people or to God. So what has all that effort got me? Not a lot in the end.

Does that mean that starting tomorrow…I’ll become a slacker? No…that’s not going to happen. It’s not in my nature. However…I do hope that it will translate into a more balanced life. Work more on the personal side of life…and keep work in perspective.

I’ve got a long way to go…but thankfully God is not through with me just yet.

Tonight’s Friday night…and that means it’s time for “What Not to Wear”. Love that show. I watch it…and wonder “Now what would Stacy and Clinton have to say about what I’m wearing? What would Nick do with my hair?” Sometimes I think of folks I’d like to nominate for the show…but gee wiz…wouldn’t that be an insult if your friends nominated you? Yeah…that would be a bit awkward now, wouldn’t it?

Well…it’s getting late and going to be a busy weekend. I do believe…it’s off to bed I go. So nighty night…see you in the morning light.

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2/13/07 At the End of the Day…Providential Dear Watson

Posted in Beth Moore, Charles Stanley, Faith, Pits, Sheila Walsh by

I both hate and love it…all at the same time when I come to the end of a book that I’ve enjoyed reading. I hate it, in part, because I miss the interaction and rapport that I develop with an author that I connect with while reading their book.

The other reason I hate coming to the end of a good book…is because I then have to decide which will be my next book on deck. It’s not for lack of materials…but because I have a plethora of reading materials vying for my attention.

Recently I came to the end of “I’m Not Wonder Woman, But God Made Me Wonderful!” by Sheila Walsh. I discovered this wonderful woman and writer following the Women of Faith conference in September of 2006. I felt God had arranged an appointment for me to attend that conference. When Sheila spoke…God touched my heart, my very tender and hurting heart with His healing touch. He continued to use Sheila’s words to minister to me and heal some broken emotions. So I was saddened to have that book end…I felt like I was leaving a friend.

Then choosing day was upon me. Decision, decisions…which book shall I read next. I had a couple in mind, “Living the Extraordinary Life” by Charles Stanley or “Get Out of That Pit” by Beth Moore.

Part of me thought I should select “Living the Extraordinary Life”. I had listened to Dr. Stanley’s message on the Extraordinary Life while speaking at a rally in Washington D.C. It was one of his best sermons…and I know I will love the book.

But for some reason…I was drawn to “Get Out of That Pit” by Beth Moore. It didn’t take long to discover why. After just a couple of pages…God reached out to me through this woman of God to help me see my need for a supernatural help in my circumstances…which at times have left me feeling quite desperate or in despair.

Not only did I start the book…but I wanted to “turbo” my intake and application of this book…so I got the book on CD too. Still in the middle of both…and soon hope to write a bit about the book.

When looking up some info on Beth Moore I discovered from her website of Living Proof Ministries that Beth and her daughter Amanda have jumped into the world of blogging.

Kind of like Miss Teresa at Canadian Blogger…these women have a great love and passion for Jesus Christ and a love for His children. I will be marking it as a favorite…and visit regularly. Check out Beth’s website and blog. I give a big thumbs up to reading “Get Out of That Pit”. Especially if you find your own feet are stuck in the miry clay of some deep, dark, dank, dreary pit that you can’t seem to get out of.

Welcome to the bloggesphere Beth and Amanda! Blog on!

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Facing the Giants

Posted in Facing the Giants, Faith, Inspiration by

Feeling defeated, discouraged, or downcast? Has life chewed you up and spit you out? Kicked you when you’re down? You crawl back up…only to get kicked down again? Need a little inspiration? Need to have your spirit strengthened? Have your spirit renewed?

I recommend purchasing the movie “Facing the Giants”. It is exceptional in every way. I can promise you…your heart, mind, soul and spirit will be energized and renewed.

Below is a sample of some of the lines in the movie. It’s just chock full of great stuff. Do yourself a favor…get this movie and watch it, now and in the future. You won’t be sorry.

Your actions will always follow your beliefs.

If you always expect defeat…then that’s what you will always get.

I’ve resolved to give God everything I’ve got…and leave everything else to him.

Don’t quit until you’ve got nothing left.

Promise me you’ll give me your very best. Good effort, keep coming, there you go, it’s a good start, there you go Brock, good strength, that’s it, that’s it, forget the 20 you give me your very best, come on Brock you’ve got more in you than that, you’ve got to keep moving, lets get moving, lets go, don’t quit until you’ve got nothing left, there you go, keep moving, keep moving, keep driving, keep your knees off the ground, your very best, your very best, don’t quit on me, keep driving, there you go, keep driving, don’t quit until you’ve got nothing left, your very best, it’s all heart from here, keep driving, don’t quit, don’t give up on me, I know it hurts keep going, let it burn, you can do it, it’s not too hard, you keep going, don’t quit, don’t quit, don’t quit, you don’t quit on me, ten more steps, give me your heart, you can look up Brock you are in the end zone.

If you walk around defeated so will they.

God’s gifted you with the ability of leadership, don’t waste it.

You may not want to accept Jesus Christ because he’ll change your life. You will never be the same.

Stay humble but confident.

If we win we’ll praise You, if we loose we’ll praise You.

Your fear is about to collide with your faith.

Coach I’m done someone else is going to have to lead. This is when it matters most. It’s easy to lead when you’re strong, but now is when you lead.

Don’t you ever let anyone tell you, you are under par, second rate or inferior. I just watched God do a miracle through you. I just saw a field of Giants, 85 in fact, fall in defeat. Now you tell me what’s impossible with God? Nothing Coach!

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He Is Able

Posted in Faith, Trials and Tribulation, Trusting God by

One of the things that made this past year particularly difficult to accept was the fact that the job that I had sought and desired remained open. On occasion the job posting would come down…and I would hear through the grapevine that internal or outside candidates had applied for what I had hoped would be my job. This went on and on and on.

What I found positively absurd was that if our company’s vice president had left the company…they would have filled that position lickety split. There would be no waffling or indecision for months on end. I’d be willing to bet they would have the job filled within the week. So as this drug on and on…it seemed even more and more ridiculous. That’s why every time the job posted again…I’d apply again. Every time…but to no avail. I’m talking…over nine months from when I first interviewed for the job. No one ever officially sent me a “no thanks” letter, nor did they call. That’s part of why I had such a hard time letting go of my dream.

I found it challenging to let go because it was hard to understand how years and years of good work and diligent effort amounted to nothing when it came to helping me earn the right to be given a shot. I had no doubt that I could do it and do it well. I know how I approach things…how I love to learn and master new challenges. But at the end of the day…my pleas fell on deaf ears, my track record was presented to eyes that failed to see and mouths were unwilling to speak.

I found it impossible to believe that it didn’t work out like I had hoped and dreamed. After all God had given me a promise…actually two scripture verses to cling on to. And cling I did. In the stormy seas of emotions…and in the dark of night…when the only support I felt was that of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. At times…even He felt very far away.

The first and primary scripture verse came from 2 Chronicles 20:17 –“You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.’ “

I clung to the verse…it graced the walls of my home and was ever present in my sight with a note taped to my computer. I have it as part of my e-mail signatures…and even made a bracelet with the words “Stand Firm See Lord’s Deliverance”.

Now I had no idea how God might answer that prayer…or exactly when. But God gave me the assurance that He indeed would be my deliverer. That I needed to stand firm and trust Him to work in my situation. There was many a day…that my stand was very wobbly. But when push came to shove…I stood. Looking expectantly to God and for what He alone would do.

As this New Year began…Pastor Bob Kraning preached a message in which he focused on the scripture verse from Joshua 3:5 – “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you.”

I believed that God had given me this verse to encourage my heart…and remind me that He was at work in my life…and I was to look to Him to be my Hope and my Deliverer.

I felt as if I was on my tippy toes, looking expectantly for what God would do and how He would answer my prayers and fulfill His promises to me.

In the intervening time…I embarked upon that which I had neglected for far too long…a lot of dental work…that took months to complete. God helped me to conquer a great fear in my life.

God also made clear to me…that for far too long I had put Him second place…as I had spent far too much time and effort at work. Instead I should have been investing my time elsewhere or at least in a more balance manner. During this time…I committed to responsibilities at my church and was grateful when Bible Study Fellowship started up again in the fall.

All this time…I was hopeful and expectantly looking for how God would answer my prayer. I could hardly wait. But wait was the order of the day.

My emotions were all over the board…sometimes strong…and at time I was struggling to trust God.

One of my biggest disappointments and what felt like a slap in the face was when the folks I had worked with for many, many years had their Christmas party…and I wasn’t invited. Ouch…now that hurt.

Since I’m a straight shooter…I had to ask why. While I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer…I would rather risk being hurt than not know the truth. When a straw poll had been taken the feedback from my former co-workers…the response was not receptive to having me at their party. That one hurt! Then on the heals of that…Christmas came…and I didn’t get a Christmas card or a Merry Christmas e-mail from one who had done so over the years. It kind of made me doubt the sincerity of everything that had gone before.

Was all that had happened before was done out of obligation…instead of what was genuine and heartfelt? Being that whatever I do…I put my heart into it…I was surprised.

When it became apparent that I wasn’t going to remain in loss prevention…but instead go into a job not of my own choosing…I had to cut those emotional ties. In order for me to focus on the new work and connect with the new people…I had to let go of the old. I guess I did so quite effectively…perhaps too much so.

So why am I going into all this, sharing and bearing my soul on something in which doesn’t shine a very good light on me? Share that I failed and share about rejection? Well I love the truth. God has given me words…that have become part of my healing process through the ups and downs of life.

Also…I finally got the news that they finally hired someone for the job I had wanted. Over nine months later…I got a courtesy call to let me know. In some respects I was relived. I could now say that chapter of my life was closed for good…once and for all it was dead. When God closes a door…it can not be opened.

But more important than that I want to answer those critics who might be sitting back and thinking or saying, “See your God let you down. He was not faithful to keep His promises to you Susan.”

To those persons…and even to myself…I answer most assuredly…that my God, my Lord and Savior has not deserted me, nor failed me. Indeed my God is faithful. He is not slow in keeping His promises…He accomplishes everything in His perfect timing.

When and how exactly God will finally bring me the deliverance that I still seek…I don’t know. But I do know…even as I sit here and failed to achieve that which I wanted, even if some think of me as a failure…I am standing firm and choosing to trust God. Even if my circumstances currently don’t give evidence to God’s faithfulness.

He has given me Himself during this time. He has been my Rock, my Fortress, and my Sustainer…my Ever Present Help in times of trouble.

And yes…I still stand on my tippy toes…and look expectantly for what God is going to do in my circumstances. I know and have every assurance that He will.

I am most grateful that God has provided me with a good job in the mean time. I am grateful that He has helped me during this difficult time and to know Him better. I am grateful that He knows my heart’s desire. I do desire to move into another job…but will trust God’s timing and plan. I deeply desire to be married…and try ever so to trust God with my desire. Albeit not so firmly at times…due to wobbly faith. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled makes a tree of life.” – Proverbs 13:12

So it’s been a painful time…and hard time. But God has been able to use the pain for good. When people share with me their pain in their present circumstances…I know first hand how it feels to feel forsaken and alone. But I also know…how God remains ever faithful…and sustained me during that season.

Just like I know how unbearable physical pain can be following an episode of unrelenting pain from my wisdom teeth for over a month…I know what unrelenting emotional pain feels like. So now when people…share their hurts…I can honestly say I understand but offer the hope of standing firm and trusting God when circumstances and the ground around you crumbles to the sea.

That brings me to my life verse, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” – Romans 8:28.

So for those of you who think my hopes and dreams are dead…you are wrong. I am not discouraged…but ever hopeful in my God…my Lord…my Savior…my Deliverer.

Just as Lazarus was sick, died and lay three days in the tomb…the mourners did not know what Jesus would do. They didn’t foresee that He would come along as Lazarus body started to stink…and raise him from the dead. But Jesus is God…He is all powerful, all knowing and works everything for good and for His glory.

I remain standing firm…and look expectantly for my Lord’s deliverance. I will consecrate myself…and see that tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things. Today is yesterday’s tomorrow…and I’m awaiting my promised and amazing deliverance.

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